On March 25th in Petersburg, a very strange event occurred. The barber Ivan Yakovlevich, who lived on Voznesensky Avenue (his surname has been lost and nothing else is indicated on his sign, where a gentleman with a soapy cheek is depicted with the inscription: "Blood can also be drawn"), Ivan Yakovlevich therefore woke up quite early and smelled freshly baked rolls. Raising himself a little in bed, he saw that his wife, a rather respectable lady who very much enjoyed drinking coffee, was taking out freshly baked rolls from the oven.
“Today, Praskovya Osipovna, I won’t have coffee,” said Ivan Yakovlevich, “I would prefer to eat warm bread with onions.”
(In other words, Ivan Yakovlevich would have liked both, but he knew it was absolutely impossible to demand two things at once, because Praskovya Osipovna did not like such whims at all.)
“Let that fool eat the bread; it’s better for me,” thought his wife to herself, “this way there will be an extra portion of coffee left.”
And she tossed a roll onto the table.
For decency, Ivan Yakovlevich put on his tailcoat over his shirt and, sitting at the table, took some salt, prepared two heads of onion, grabbed a knife, and, assuming an inspired expression, set to cutting the bread. Having cut the bread in half, he took a look inside and, to his astonishment, saw something white. Ivan Yakovlevich cautiously poked at it with the knife and felt it with a finger:
“Solid?” he said to himself, “what can it be?”
He stuck in his fingers and pulled out a nose...
