Oasis
(What's The Story) Morning Glory?

THE REVIEW

So the other day I turn on the TV because I had already killed myself with alcohol the night before and I say: Mediaset, RAI, and La 7 are stations that broadcast mainly crap for the brain-dead (except for C.S.I., Line Of Fire, and that other kickass series I can’t remember what the hell it's called that airs on Italy 1 on Sundays between 7 and 9 PM), right? Isn't that enough? Obviously not. So take an hour of Oasis live, you bastard son of a bitch, olè!
Exactly, I’m talking about that merry bunch of talentless drug addicts from Manchester, useless fucking off-key idiots, them and that shitty look they have and that way of speaking that makes them seem like a mix between Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer and Kenneth on loquendo.com. (actually the handicapped offspring of Beatles, Sex Pistols, and Stone Roses).
So I see them and I say "Let’s give these sacks of shit a chance, after all, they are not the fucking Vines." Three fucking songs, I say THREE: I thought they were strumming the same ball-busting dirge over and over, but instead, they were really three *distinct* songs.
On the other hand, the audience present in the studio seemed to enjoy it, they were clapping and shouting as if they were attending the best performance of King Crimson. What a gigantic pile of crap, someone should give Liam Gallagher a wooden ladder so that every time he has to sing a
note he can't reach, he can climb up it with a noose in hand and hang himself from the lighting rig. I was so disgusted that I switched to ReteAllmusic and...

Voice Off-Camera - "What's your name?"
Alessia - "ALESSIAAAA!" (shouted because these damn interviews are done in a nightclub)
VOC - "Single or taken?"
A - "SINGLE! BECAUSE MEN ARE ALL ASSHOLES!"
VOC - "What's the strangest place you've done it?"
A - "ONCE MY BOYFRIEND AND I MADE OUT ON A TERMITE MOUND IN KENYA, I WAS ON TOP; WHEN WE FINISHED, THE TERMITES HAD FINISHED HIM, HEHEHEHEHEHE!"
VOC - "Do you have anything to say to the viewers of the club?"
A - "CONTACT ME, I'M CHARMING, FUNNY, I LIKE TO HAVE FUN AND ABOVE ALL YOU WON'T REGRET IT!"
Overlay text "Alessia is from Salerno, she is 20 years old and likes Oasis."
Fuck it, they do it on purpose. A competition my ass.

But let's come to the masterpiece: The album opens with a song, Hello, which despite its lively and sparkling rhythm, presents bursts of melancholy: oh oh melancholy that makes you cry for 3 fucking months straight... right from the start then, WTSMG presents itself as an album dominated by the dichotomy of living day by day-wild rock-adventure and reflection-acoustic guitar-blues glimpses-melancholy (headless dicks who rushed to London at the end of 1995 to buy the record so that it jumped to number one).
"We live in the shadow, we had the opportunity and we wasted it / And it will never be the same / Because the years fall like rain / And it will not be the same / Until the life I knew comes to my door and says hello."
A filthy demagogic rhetoric served as a cheerful hot steaming crap for the MTV brainwashed queers who still believe in this fake rebellious bullshit…
Roll With It is mainly remembered for its plagiarism from some song of the Beatles or the Who…
The idiocy of these charlatans is endless.
Wonderwall is those usual 3 arpeggios ripped off from master Gallagher's home collection.
The title might be inspired by G. Harrison's first solo album, Wonderwall indeed, most claim Noel might have been inspired by a famous John Lennon interview where he pronounced 'wonderwall' with a pun or perhaps instead of 'wonderful'.
Hey Now! and we crank up the amps to drown out everything, to cover the absolute dearth of ideas or original touches, an innovative idea hehehe by maxing out the volumes as if they were the Velvet Underground of white light white heat, but Cale and Reed had ideas, you vomitous queers.
"They gave me a lift while hitchhiking / While my soul was roadside / just as the sky darkened / I walked with my fame down the avenues of memory / Couldn't find my way back home anymore". I almost cry because of this rebellious and lived text ahahahahaha, you made them billionaires those ex-proletariat dicks devoid of talent.
Some Might Say still full volumes but far from having rock discharges, a dirge with full volumes, is that alright? and everyone fell for it, everyone saying, here it is, the true energy of The Jam from Weller that returns to delight us.
Cast No Shadow, and come Alessia from Salerno at 20 years old, that smiling face to rightfully rape you, but your ears I'll loosen in the sense that I'll put my system's headphones at paroxystic human-limited volume with this shitty record and blow out your Eustachian trumpets... I'll make you deaf slut...
These assholes are far from the brazenness of some of their compatriots, The Fall for example, but even the fucking Happy Mondays at least had a singer who was truly a mental fanatic, and Mark E. Smith was indeed sincere and had talent...
When Morning Glory starts you have the sensation the producer drank his brain, volumes even higher, a heap of inconsistent feedback, they wanted to be the underground velvet Beatles these bastards... what a fucking mess this piece is, enough I can't take it anymore, the farewell with Champagne Supernova still copying from the Beatles.
But go to the grocer next time...
"I’m a fucking genius" (Noel Gallagher)
Your sister.