20:40
I am sad, or at least I think I am. After all, I am always sad, fucking sad, I feel alone, alone in the world, alone even in a crowd, alone when I sleep and when I'm awake. For me, there is no escape: I am fragile but I consider myself strong, and this conviction helps me move forward somehow. I don't have much self-esteem, I pretend to have it, and by pretending, I do nothing but delude myself. Everything I do, say, and show is terribly sad and boring. I don't know what's special about me; I can't understand the people who appreciate me. What is so special about me? This question is one of the reasons that makes me sad. Maybe it's just existential discomfort! Maybe it's me who doesn't leave myself alone! Maybe it's me who creates too many problems! Overwhelmed by all these doubts, by these disheartening "maybes," I find a way out by always pretending that everything is fine, and I don't cry anymore, except inside. I might seem like the usual depressed person who finds an excuse for being so. This sort of sadness, anger towards the world and myself, my being alternative, different from others, well, all these things push me to write. I write as a form of therapy or simply as an outlet; I need it like water and bread. While I write, I think of Nick Drake and other depressed people like me who found peace with death. I feel a bit sorry for them, I somewhat agree with them, but I think there is a healthy way to overcome depression, which has nothing to do with drinking, smoking, drugging, and letting oneself die: music!
20:51
It's been exactly 11 minutes since I started writing. I don't know if it's too much or too little, but these words, written spontaneously, are a spontaneous declaration of my state of mind, fragile but strong, which I carry with and within me every day. I keep hoping that in this world, things are not as they describe them to us or as they should be. And this absurd but also "plausible" belief/illusion leads me to say that... yes... the moon can be pink, in fact: it is pink!
"You can say the sun is shining, if you must, I see the moon, and it seems so clear. You can take the road that leads to the stars, I will take the road to understand myself." (Nick Drake - Road)
Listening is not enough.
I listen to Pink Moon and embark on a journey at the end of my little night.
Nick’s voice penetrated my heart to touch the deepest strings of my soul, it motivated me immensely.
This album has made my life less trivial, less flat and gray.
"'Pink Moon' is the story of a defeat but also represents a victory."
The image is one of free fall, into the void, without a parachute. But there’s no pain, no suffering, you simply let yourself be carried away.
I recognize that fantastically acoustic guitar, that familiar and unknown voice, beautiful and dangerous, perhaps the right thing at the wrong time?
Tears are the blood of the soul.
"Pink Moon is just like a sad phone call that goes deep inside you and injects you with a form of profound melancholy."
"Nick Drake is the almost extinguished ember burning in the coal of a fireplace, but that will never fully go out."