Therion
Sitra Ahra

My opinion doesn't mean squat. I mean, I had reached the point of enjoying a (double) album like "Gothic Kabbalah", pompous and hyped, extremely baroque, symphonic, glossy as you like, and perhaps a few parsecs away from being original or innovative; but for unknown reasons, I quite liked it and it stood the test of time pretty well. The same goes for all the releases labeled Therion over the past decade, from "Deggial" to the twin release "Lemuria"/"Sirius B": the band (ahem, or rather Mr. Johnsson's solo project) has long lost the avant-garde streak that characterized far more significant episodes, not to mention true masterpieces like "Theli", "Vovin", and my favorite "Lepaca Kliffoth", ending up mostly churning out a series of commendable, refined, albeit crafted works. But what craftsmanship!, I would add. I don't recall ever despising even a fart from Mr. Johnsson: everything he did always seemed to me to be terribly elegant, well-crafted, full of charm and lyrical depth, never vulgar... Therefore, I reiterate: my opinion regarding Therion's work doesn't mean squat; it is anything but objective.

But let's return to the current year.

Therion finally step into the new decade with this "Sitra Ahra", an abundant hour of music, quite an imposing tracklist, and, last but not least, a horrible cover. The problem is that the album's artwork is decidedly more beautiful than its actual musical content. Indeed, "Sitra Ahra" is an album that, instead of putting new meat on the fire, pulls out from the freezer the old one from 6-7 years ago and slaps it on the plate still frozen; "Sitra Ahra" is an album that neither promises nor reworks anything, it's not a transition album (well, the last one dates back to 1995, so...) and it's not even a consolidation album (and what would they have left to consolidate, after all these years of craftsmanship?!); "Sitra Ahra" not only is an album that inexorably sinks into the depths of its own kitsch mannerism, which in itself isn't even that reprehensible, but it's above all a first real sign of disorder and confusion on the purely musical/compositional side; and this latter aspect, regardless of all the other issues that the album manages to carry in 61 minutes, is enough to make listening an experience that is nothing short of frustrating and painful.
In short, if previously Johnsson & company knew how to do their job perfectly, it seems that now they can't even do that anymore.

What's wrong with "Sitra Ahra"? Practically everything. The production and the sounds in general, the structure of the tracks and the arrangements, the lack of a precise musical direction, the simple yet crucial choice of melodies... I can't find anything good in it, seriously. The opening self-titled track is so dull and impersonal that instead of warming up the listener's ears for the next 60 minutes of listening, it freezes their guts: mushy and uninspiring riffing, a hanging and expressionless choral refrain, lazy performance. Really nothing exceptional, in fact. Unfortunately, it's one of the better tracks on the album. "Kings Of Edom" follows more or less the same path, it's just a tad longer and more contrived: Thomas Vikström and Lori Lewis alternate in an almost engaging way between verses and lines, and midway through the track, Johnsson and the gang press the accelerator, embarking on a somewhat limping gallop, accompanied by choristers who, however, seem to be singing half a mile away from the microphone.

Then there's the imposing "Land Of Canaan", a colossus of over ten minutes which apparently has thrilled the whole world, except for yours truly. It's probably one of the most tedious and frustrating things my poor ears have ever heard: arrangements so plastic and muffled they're nauseating, a total lack of a guiding thread, continuous and senseless changes in melody and orchestrations that clumsily try to make the track more dynamic, passages that shouldn't relate to one another assembled like a collage, and finally, the usual choirs singing with the microphone hanging from the ceiling. I hope Therion doesn't get the crazy idea of performing it on stage; I believe they would fall asleep before the audience. "Unguentum Sabbati" on the other hand, is the classic pompous and energetic song that would cut quite a figure live, even though I find Snowy Shaw's Smurf-with-laryngitis voice irritating.

Leaving aside the deliberately clownish and emphasized performance of "Hellequin", neither remarkable nor disgraceful, I struggle to find the sense in songs like "Kali Yuga, Pt. 3" and "2012 (feat. Giacobbo & The Templar String Quartet)": both try to be apocalyptic, but wouldn't impress a raccoon. "2012", then, beyond the mishmash of associated clichés, ranges from ultra-dramatic theatrical melodies to blatantly kitsch orchestral-choral interludes. Even emptier and more redundant is "The Shells Are Open", a parade without head or tail of resounding basses, baritones, and tenors; and then there's this insignificant spit which goes by the name of "Din", two and a half minutes at full throttle between square riffs and embarrassing growls. And so it goes with the remaining tracks, between cold indifference and horrible horrendous horror; I don't think there's really a need for further evidence, also because I don't even feel like going back to rummage through the album.

Conclusions? I guess what I've written so far speaks for itself. Maybe C. Johnsson has created something truly superior and, judging by the decidedly positive (sometimes even ecstatic) responses scattered across the web, I must be the only one who hasn't understood a thing and can't keep up. All I can hear, despite myself, in these endless 61 minutes of music is an exasperating void that Therion doesn't even try to disguise with their usual captivating elegance, because the real problem here lies in the inability to write pleasant or at least listenable tracks.
Is this really the beginning of the end for Therion? I hope not.
But, all in all, my opinion doesn't mean squat.