Capish

For the movies

HELLO MARTIAN - 1980 with PIPPO FRANCO
The alien Bix lands in front of the Colosseum with the intent of learning the earthly lifestyle. Gifted with extraordinary powers and a noble heart, Bix is warmly welcomed, only to quickly become an annoying character for some powerful interests.

They filmed a scene outside my house, where across the street there was (and still is) the San Michele institute, which has been used extensively in many films since the 60s; it is versatile enough to serve as a barracks, police station, hospital, just by changing the sign. Do you remember the scene in Vieni avanti cretino where Lino Banfi is dressed as a woman and is forced to climb out of the window and walk along the ledge? Well, that's the San Michele.

In one scene, Pippo Franco, dressed as a Martian, meaning wearing only a white sheet, is in a taxi. The neighbor Norma leans out the window and greets him: A PIPPO FRA' CIAO COME STAI? and he replies BENE MA C'HO FREDDO! It was winter and he was naked with just that transparent white sheet on (the Martian costume). Old Norma later insisted firmly that while she was talking to Pippo Franco, they were shooting a scene and that she would end up in the film, useless to make her understand that it wasn't the case.

Among the "not bad" films and those "so bad they are, in their way, genius," I've always preferred the latter.

As a result, here’s my top three:

3) "Ciao mà..." by Giandomenico Curi (1988): we are in Rome in '87, of course 'C'è chi dice no' is at the top of the charts, Vasco is in concert at the PalaEur. School is out, the kids are enjoying their just-beginning vacations, but above all, they are preparing for the magical evening that will change everyone's lives. There’s the shy girl next door (a flesh-and-blood Albachiara) dreaming of true love, there’s the muscle-bound guy with the motorcycle, there’s the serious, studious type who only listens to classical music and thinks girls don't like him, but surprise, they do, there’s the rocker "io so' ribbelle" trying to sneak in by pretending to be a sound technician, there’s the desperate girl looking for a date, and there’s Claudia Gerini still a minor. Epic final scene (on the subway) to the notes of 'Ridere di te', a sort of Italian Breakfast Club highlighting a passionate generational 'volemose bene'. Vaporidis & Co. drew great inspiration from this.

2) "Mezzo destro mezzo sinistro - 2 calciatori senza pallone" by Sergio Martino (1985): the newly promoted team is not Longobarda but Marchigiana aka Sambenedettese, which relies on the experience of Gigi (Sammarchi) Cesarini and especially Andrea (Roncato) Margheritoni, a womanizing, out-of-shape forward back from a failed experience in the States. Amid a series of silly gags and players farting on the field, we’ll meet the blond Dane Kekkonen (a name, a program) and the Brazilian flop Felipe Goncalves, who is not used to the rhythms of our championship. The team will go through moments of crisis and will be sent to a retreat, or rather, to a convent in the Apennines. Notable appearances include Pino Insegno as Carlo Vacca and Leo Gullotta as the newly appointed coach, the Argentine iron sergeant Juan Carlos Fulgencio - known for his typical phrase: "estos jugadores son grandes lavativos." Essential for all fans of Tonino Carino and provincial football of yesteryears.

1) "Sposerò Simon Le Bon - Confessioni di una sedicenne innamorata persa dei Duran Duran" by Carlo Cotti (1986): Milan to drink, paninari, colorful Timberland, Moncler jackets, Cagiva Elefant motorcycles. An explosive mix sets the backdrop for the story of teenager Clizia, a good girl from a middle-class family who lives solely in the thoughts of Duran Duran. Especially Simon, while her best friend Rossana is dying for John Taylor. Her little brother is a fan of Madonna and a supporter of Inter. These are the years of first heartbreaks and small family tensions: the usual teenager woes, in short. These are the years of Drive-In, but also of "truzzo!", "troppo giusto!", and "sei fuori di melone!". Afternoons are spent in front of the TV, dreaming of America like Ramazzotti, DeeJay.

Bignami of the capish

a handful of rules to approach the world of capish

Pink Floyd yes but only with Barrett after that so-so
Queen good only the first albums after that pompous and kitschy
Prog is beautiful just like shoegaze
The Trout Mask Replica is a masterpiece
Pere Ubu are much better than Queen
German music is exceptional the Faust the Neu the Kraftwerk etc. I know them all and I have all the records and I like everything
Alberto Sordi is unbearable
Eastern culture? I know a lot about it

Similarly valid is “La banda del gobbo,” in which the evil brother of Monnezza appears (the theme of the double!). Instead, “La banda del trucido,” in my opinion, is the weakest of the series and should be forgotten.
Only three films then; unfortunately, “er Monnezza” will be gobbled up by Commissioner Giraldi, a character who will take much from Monnezza (also deliberately). It’s enough to say that that little mess with Amendola's son (the real Amendola is Ferruccio) dedicated to Giraldi's son is called “Il ritorno del Monnezza”!

Now, since I’m a trickster (I’m the King!), I’m throwing in a series of non-Italian films that YOU MUST see!
Zombie Ass
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Meatball Machine
Chicken Park

If you haven’t seen them… you’ll thank me!

I'll start:
1) "The Two from the Legion". I know it's too easy! I know that starting with Franco and Ciccio is philologically inevitable: they are the embodiment of that improvised and ragged cinema on which Italian cinema was born and found its training ground. I also know that no one expected me to re-evaluate them; it has long been established that they are pillars of our cinema. But it's not so easy to navigate through a truly oceanic list of titles (almost 130 films!), and I don't believe there is anyone among us who has really seen them all. So I suggest this, which is their first true film. This is where the myth is born! And it remains one of their best-packaged films (directed by Lucio Fulci!). The film was originally created (with other expectations) for the Tognazzi-Vianello duo, but Franco and Cicco hold their own. The cast also includes Alighiero Noschese and Aldo Giuffré. But if we want higher quality, then here comes “00-2 Secret Agents,” probably their best film (still with Fulci).
2) "Zorro Against Maciste". No true capish's filmography would be complete without a Maciste movie! You will watch it with some gentle lady, and you will look good saying that the name Maciste comes, no less, from D’Annunzio! That the character first appeared in “Cabiria” and that, at the beginning, he lived in the 20th century (contemporary to his first creators). Then, in the 1960s, during the peak of "peplum" fashion, he was placed in an indeterminate mythological past alongside people like Hercules or Ursus. Maciste, in more than forty films, has fought against all: vampires, monsters, Cossacks, legionaries, demons… But the best is this “Zorro Against Maciste” in which Maciste ends up in Spain around the 1600s! It is directed by Umberto Lenzi, not just anyone! And then there’s Moira Orfei, super sexy, playing the evil queen and the usual Massimo Serato as the villain with fiery eyes!
3) “The Trucido and the Cop”. Lenzi’s film (him again!) is not only one of the best poliziotteschi of the 1970s but is also the movie that introduces the character of “Monnezza.” The “Monnezza” (not to be confused, please, with Nico Giraldi!) is one of the best-drawn “masks” of that genre cinema, a character that does not pale in comparison to the best picaro tradition. The “Monnezza,” like every son of a bitch (literally: the mother is a prostitute), has many fathers. 5 to be exact: Dardano Sacchetti, the screenwriter who first conceived him, Umberto Lenzi who brought him to life and movement, Tomas Milian (what a great actor!) who gave him a face and body, Ferruccio Amendola who gave him a voice (and more…) and – most importantly of all – “er patata” (or “er pesciarolo”) that is Quinto Gambi, the stunt double and friend of Milian who was the “real” Monnezza. I also like to remember Claudio Cassinelli, co-star and actor (as well as partner of that silly Bignardi) of great worth, who died too soon. Equally valid is “La banda.

Beloved brothers!
The sharpest minds of the DeB gathered here have shed light, with their insightful and thorough interventions, on that precise and revealing analysis of “The Dark Side of the Moon” that was needed – as we heard from many sides!
I am therefore preparing to invite you to a much more challenging endeavor (but I am sure we will rise to the occasion) in one of the fields of human knowledge most beloved by true capish: cinema.
I propose that you indicate three (I know, it’s very few, but some rules must be set, and capish love difficult rules) I say 3 FUNDAMENTAL films of Italian trash (the recovery and rehabilitation of trash is a very capish topic). And explain why.
I would say let's start with Italy, then, if we feel like it, open up to global filmography.
I set the following rules:
1) No erotic-sheep-sexual-satyric films (Long Live the Seal, Giovannona coscialunga, etc. etc.) because it's too easy.
2) No Pierino films & similar (same reason).
3) Musicals are fine, but let’s avoid clichés & banality (we are capish!). In short, handle with care.
4) They must be films that are not bad (or so bad that they are, in their own way, brilliant) or excessively parodic. They should be – in short – exemplary films of the genre we believe are worth discussing.
5) I would avoid films that are too famous (The coach in the ball, Last tango in Zagarol, Piedone the cop, etc. etc.) or too professional (the films of Bud Spencer & Terence Hill, the latest Fantozzi films, cinepanettoni, etc. etc.). We are capish!
I hope this proposal is stimulating!
Over to you!