JURIX

A middle-aged woman is in the hospital for a simple procedure. While under anesthesia, she sees God extending His hand to her. "Is it my time?" she asks. "No," God replies, "you have 23 years, 22 days, and 5 hours of life left." After the procedure, the woman decides to stay in the hospital for some enhancements: liposuction on her abdomen and thighs, a facelift, new breasts, collagen in her upper lip, implants to lift her buttocks, and even gets two ribs removed to have a slimmer waist... She exits the hospital, clad in a Gucci dress and 12-inch heels... stunning. She crosses the street and... gets hit by a truck! She finds herself before God: "But didn't you tell me I had over 20 years left?" "Damn, I didn’t recognize you!"

A man walks around the city with a cage in hand, and inside is a tiny little man making a huge racket. The man meets a friend, who asks what he has in the cage. - "I found a lamp, I rubbed it, and a Genie came out..." - "Really? Let me try too!" - "No, it's a genie with some issues... Half deaf and half stupid... It's not worth it at all!" - But the friend insists, rubs the lamp, and as soon as the Genie appears, he asks for 3 billion... The Genie tries, but instead makes 3 BILLIARDS appear. The friend, astonished, asks the man with the cage for an explanation, and he replies: "But why, do you think I asked for a CRAZY guy just 30 centimeters tall?"

VISIONS OF LIFE. The story: A boy and a girl have been in a relationship for 4 months. One Friday evening, they meet at their usual bar after work. After a while, they decide to go for a bite to eat at a little restaurant near home. They eat, go to his place, and she stays over for the night. HER VERSION: Marco was in a strange mood when I got to the bar; I thought it was because I was late, but he didn't talk much about it. The conversation wasn’t really flowing, so I thought maybe a more intimate place would help bring out the issue. So we went to that restaurant, and he continued to be a little elusive. I tried to cuddle him a bit and started to wonder if there was something wrong with me, so I asked him, and he replied that no, there was nothing wrong with me. But you see, I don’t feel reassured by that, so in the taxi to his place, I tell him that I love him. He wraps his arm around my neck, and I don’t know what that means because he didn’t respond when I said I love him. So when we get to his house, I start thinking if he is trying to distance himself from me, and I try to ask him about it, but he just turns on the TV in response. At that point, I say that I’m going to sleep, and after about 10 minutes, he comes to join me, and we make love, but he remains distant. Afterwards, I want to leave, and I don’t know; I just don’t know what to think anymore. Do you think he’s seeing someone else? HIS VERSION: Shitty day at the office, had great sex last night…

- Two friends: - "I heard you started a band." - "Yes, it's a quartet." - "But how many are you?" - "We're three." - "And who's in it?" - "Me and my brother." - "You have a brother!" - "No, why?"

DISSENTEN: 5 fixed for the name!

MMMMMmmmmitic Gate! I really have to listen to this "SOTTO IL GROWL DELLE LUCI TU SALTI IL RISO".

There are three hermits on a mountain who spend their days in meditation, prayer, and contemplation. They sit cross-legged at the vertices of an imaginary equilateral triangle. After about six months of meditation, one of the three lets out a sneeze and looks down. Six months later, the second one says: - Bless you. And goes back to contemplation. Another six months pass, and the third one bursts out: - No way! Come on, if we came here to make a fuss, let’s leave!

Grandpa, what is this smell of death? Hey grandpa? Grandpa... GRANDPA!!