AA.VV.
Heavy Metal (Music From The Motion Picture)

Hello, I'm an idiot, but my friends call me Jonny, and you can call me Samantha if you like. This record is actually a soundtrack, the movie had the same name, and it was a cartoon from 1981. The movie sucks, unless you like it, in which case, of course, it won't suck for you. I don't like it. However, the soundtrack album isn't bad; in fact, it's almost good.

There are quite a few metal tracks, old-style metal, but not bad at all. There's Black Sabbath, but without Ozzy, meaning half of Black Sabbath, unless you like Ronnie James Dio. I don't like him, God rest his soul, of course, but if he had been an opera singer, it would have been better for him, for me, and perhaps even for Leonardo. However, "Mob Rules" is a good track after all. There's Sammy Hagar with the track that gives the title to the album, the movie, the genre, and this review, "Heavy Metal," precisely. Come on! Hagar had nothing to do with Van Halen; he’s better here on his own. Then there are many, many others: Journey, Cheap Trick, Grand Funk Railroad, Blue Oyster Cult... sixteen tracks in total, perfect for listening to in your car with the window down on August evenings. But by yourself, because metal is only a unifying genre if you manage to gather a decent bunch of metalheads in the same place; otherwise, it's the epitome of uncool music, and who wants to take a ride in a car with a loser?

But if you think it's just a record for ignorant metalheads, you'll have to think again; no, not about the metalheads, who are indeed very ignorant, but about the album, because you'll also find Stevie Nicks, Devo, and Donald Fagen. But honestly, I don't know who they are, because basically, I'm just a poor ignorant metalhead. And then, is having musical knowledge really that important? In most of your everyday affairs, like paying bills or trying to understand the property tax, knowing by heart the entire discography of Fleetwood Mac won't be of any help at all.