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Rating: When they say there's no end to the worst...
You all know Timo Tolkki. Yes, well, you know who he is. The guitarist from the late Stratovarius, the official and unofficial clone who, with his sausage-like fingers, has done nothing but try to imitate Malmsteen on almost every Stratovarius record. The man with the misunderstood genius, the one who was supposed to be the chosen one. The new hero who came from the distant cold lands to save the world with his neoclassical scales. The man with a mindset that only God could understand, making us all seem like fools to grasp a genius of such caliber.
In short: a perfect dupe. A dupe who, for the occasion, has the stroke of genius to create a solo project with a mile-long title, with a clear "Part 1" inscribed on it (implying that this atrocious mess could be followed by a "Part 2" and, why not, a 3, leading to an endless soap opera! As I said before: there's no end to the worst!). A project that comes out simultaneously with his other project (what a genius, what a genius, enough... Too many projects for this guy! Could he be a misunderstood engineer?), the "Revolution Renaissance," which I had the opportunity to discuss in a review on these pages regarding the debut album.
But let's get to the point. Let's delve into the musical offering of this "Saana."
Well, to all those who thought for even a minute that it was symphonic metal, then I warn you that we are many, many thousands of miles away. But then, what is it about, since Mr. Timo "prima donna" Tolkki has only known how to demonstrate doing that, to the point of destroying Stratovarius as soon as the members barked at him because they were fed up with playing (and singing) the same old tune?
Simply put, it's an album sung by a singer who might have a nice voice if it weren't for the fact that she spends her time whining continuously as if she had spasmodic intestinal pain caused by severe constipation. Constipation that, on some occasions, makes her scream (in "Warrior Of Light") but on too many occasions makes her whisper and sing sweetly. But in such a sweet way that she almost seems to suffer from diabetes too.
And then there's the orchestra. That's genuinely beautiful. And it's perhaps the only thing that works within the entire album. An orchestral album, built on a single track, where the orchestra reigns supreme, where you hear the guitar when you're lucky, where the singer and a man's voice seem to talk and exchange endearments (Good Lord, how disgusting!) and where the same singer spends all her time trying to put us to sleep. And, damn if she succeeds!
Yes, my friends! Because that's the real intent of the album! If you suffer from insomnia, it can serve as an excellent remedy instead of classic pills (enough with all these medicines!). And, then, there's always the remedy for constipation. Where other renowned names have failed (the Guns n' Roses with "Chinese Merdocracy" or MerdallicA with "Death Magnetic"), Timo Tolkki, with "Saana" has solved the problem for all these ailments, bringing the ugliest album of all 2009 to light (and think, we're not even halfway through the year!), an album that genuinely gives you shivers with how disgustingly bad it is and gives you goosebumps.
Okay. I think I've had enough fun.
Now I proceed to the conclusions.
If Tolkki, resting on his laurels that grow in his mansion, intends to show the world that beyond the neoclassical scales he's capable of creating something different and distant from metal, he's succeeded. It's a pity that, as mentioned, the album causes diarrhea and is truly pitiful, not showing a shred of idea, being completely incoherent.
Perhaps he wanted to go beyond classic symphonic metal. And let's say he succeeded, because if symphonic metal in recent years was on the brink of the abyss, Tolkki with this "Saana" of his, decisively, has pushed the genre forward.
Take my advice. Don't buy it, don't burn it, don't download it, don't even dare listen to it.
Unless you suffer from the aforementioned ailments or, damn, have money to throw away or, worse still, want to end your existence in a slow and painful manner.
Tracklist
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