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Rating: «With bands like the Queers, there's not much you can do... ».
This was the comment I stumbled upon while reading an old DeBaser page. Out of respect for the country, I avoid mentioning the wise author of the gem, but I cordially dedicate to them the three little words that open «Love Songs For The Retarded»: you suck motherfucker! And I refrain from translating its meaning, which is fairly obvious.
Because you don't mess with the Queers: if I ever considered changing the nickname given to me twenty years ago, it was only to replace it with Granola-Head or Noodlebrain; I bought their «Rocket To Russia»» first, and only a few years later, the original.
And above all, don't mess with «Love Songs ...», sixteen intense tracks recorded in less than twenty hours between November 7th and 8th, 1993, under the auspices of Ben Weasel and Mass Giorgini for Lookout Records.
Punk, hardcore, and pop, that's what it is: and if in the ‘70s the reference point is «Rocket To Russia» and in the ‘80s «Milo Goes To College», in the ‘90s it's time for «Love Songs For The Retarded». That's who the Queers are, a fateful crossover between the Ramones and the Descendents, between '60s pop melody ideas and raw hardcore punk practice.
Not forgetting that Joe, B-Face, and Hugh don't want to risk going unnoticed, so they choose to call themselves «The Queers», title a track «Finalmente A Ursula Sono Cresciute Le Tette», another «Non Riesco A Smettere Di Scorreggiare», and yet another «La Notte Delle Checche Livide»... and down come accusations of sexism, homophobia, and the entire dismal catalog of the genre. Just like the fate that befell the similar Hard-Ons, the exact same reaction: a loud «Fottetevi!» sung in the face of all the well-meaning rock ‘n’ roll politically correct fans and a hearty laugh to bury them.
It makes little sense to point out one track over another, but I can't refrain from quickly recommending «Ursula Finally Has Tits», «Teenage Bonehead», «Fuck This World», «Feeling Groovy», «Debra Jean», «Noodlebrain», «Granola-Head» (the «Pinhead» of the ‘90s), «I Won't Be» and especially «Daydreaming», perfect examples of that symbiosis between punk, hardcore, pop, and killer melody that have made the Queers, despite the simplicity, repetitiveness, and apparent banality of their offer, a band not to forget. The only flaw is that they never start with «One, two, three, four», damn them.
Nothing else to say, except that the idiot who couldn’t do much with the Queers was me, surprised a year ago in a deeper-than-usual altered state, so I once again turn the deserved: you suck motherfucker! And I give 5 stars hoping that The Queers forgive me.
Oh, if I ever badmouth the Ramones, don't insult me but say a prayer for me.
Tracklist Lyrics and Videos
01 You're Tripping (01:52)
You suck
Motherfucker
I hate;White Power"
I hate you band
Can't you see
This ain't Nazi Germany
Bring on the beers
'Cause we are the Queers
You're Tripping
You're Tripping
Oh yeah;[x4]
You suck
Motherfucker
Your face is ugly
Your brain's in space
Can't you see
This ain't 1943
Bring on the beers
'Cause we are the Queers
[Chorus]
04 Teenage Bonehead (02:20)
My folks had me commited just two weeks ago
My best friend ran off with my girl - those two damn bozos
Oh and don't you know it hurts
But hey she ain't the first
She ain't the first
I was a teenage bonehead - Yes it's true
I was a teenage bonehead - A-wah-ooh-ooh
I was a teenage bonehead just because of you
My parents kicked me out, I'm sick of them so I don't care
My girl sent me a post card saying "Glad that you're not here"
Oh and don't you know it hurts
But hey she ain't the first
She ain't the first
[Chorus]
She never said goodbye to me, now I sit here wondering
Where she is and what she's eating...
Oh and don't you know it hurts
But hey she ain't the first
She ain't the first
[Chorus]
07 Feeling Groovy (02:21)
I'm feeling so sick, someone get me a beer
My life is a shambles, you know I'm a Queer
My head it really pounds and pounds
Records just go round and round
Mom and Dad - they just hate my guts
The only girls I know are sluts
Say I'm deeply troubled
Oh I shake my head it just ain't so
Daddy beat me with a hose
Got kicked out of the Webelos
Feeling so groovy
I'm feeling so groovy
I'm feeling so groovy it sucks
Phone's disconnected, hey I'll never learn
Just eleven more months 'til my income tax returns
I'm really not that dumb you know
Got lots of beer and Tuinols
Ran over Rin Tin Tin today
His Alpo's mine now, hey it's great
Say I'm deeply troubled
Oh I shake my head it just ain't so
Daddy beat me with a hose
Kicked out of the Webelos
[Chorus]
Well I was walking down the street
With my head held high
Thinking everything was alright
When a big fat bird came and shit on my head
Man that's the story of my life
Feeling so sick, someone get me a beer
My life is a shambles, you know I'm Joe Queer
I'm not really that dumb you know
Got lots of beer and Tuinols
Ran over Rin Tin TIn today
His Alpo's mine now, hey it's great
Say I'm deeply troubled
Oh I shake my head it just ain't so
I've gone completely out of hand
I want Dan Vapid in my band
[Chorus]
10 NoodleBrain (02:27)
Sittin' drinkin' a brew. trying not to think of you I think you suck - you acted like a slut Did you ever really like me I think I know the answer Fuck you Well listen up - this stupid song's for you You're a noodle brain and I hate you You're a noodle brain you're ugly You're a noodle brain you're so stupid You're a noodle brain just like me Sittin' drinkin' a brew and I'm feeling like a stooge You're the reason why I drank all that beer last night Did you ever really like me I think I know the answer Fuck you Well listen up - this is what I think you [Chorus x2]
12 Night of the Livid Queers (02:20)
Am I going crazy or is it my empty head
B-Face is so lazy all day he stays in bed
Going out with Nikki made Hugh's brain go dim
But Johhny Ramone knows I can play faster than him
GO
GO
Flippin' out I'm trippin' out
I'm really shittin' now
Night of the Livid Queers <i>[x2]
A.J. hangs around with total acne on his face
Me and Lash are slingin' hash over at Joe's Place
The Queers threw all the knuckle-heads out the fuckin' door
B-Face better clean all the puke up off the floor
[Chorus]
15 Monster Zero (02:17)
I took her to the drive-in, she looked so sweet
We started necking in the back seat
She says she's crazy, well I'm crazy too
I think that bonehead should stop sniffing glue
I think she's nuts, I think she's really gone
I think she's on pot
She's crazy, I'm lazy, who gives a fuck
Oh Yeah...
Monster Zero <i>[x4]
I think she's whacked out, she thinks I'm cheap
I tried to kiss her but she fell asleep
Thought I impressed her with my dad's car
She's looking at me like I'm a retard
I think she's nuts, I think she's really gone
I think that she's on pot
She's crazy, I'm lazy, who gives a fuck
Oh Yeah...
Monster Zero <i>[x4]
16 Day Dreaming (03:49)
Yeah, I was thinking that my life was all through
But now it ain;t since I got you
Oh honey don't, don't you be so cool
Stick with me, I'll stick with you
Yeah, you taught me wrong from right
And now I brush my teeth every night
Oh honey don't, don't you be so cruel
Stick with me, I'll stick with you
I used to think some girls were really the most
But I know better now
Is this infatuation or just my imagination...
I'm daydreaming my life away 'cause of you
Yeah, I love the funny clothes that you wear
And the little things you do to your hair
Oh honey don't, don't you be so cool
Stick with me, I'll stick with you
I used to think some girls were really the most
But I know better now
I always wished I always hoped
And they always let me down
So don't say maybe 'cause I need you baby now
Is this infatuation or just my imagination...
I'm daydreaming my life away 'cause of you
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Other reviews
By fandingo
The title alone makes me smile, and how many times have I caught myself whistling some 'tune' from the album in question while walking down the street...
Music made to remind us, brothers, that one day we must die and that perhaps, sometimes it’s not worth taking ourselves too seriously.
