System Of A Down
Mezmerize

THE REVIEW

I know, there are too many reviews of Mezmerize, perhaps more than the tracks contained in the album (certainly more than the decent tracks), but there are also too many stars that other reviewers have given it: MEZMERIZE wouldn't have been a five-star album even if it had come out ten years ago. It would have been what it is now: crap.

Let's break it down and give the dung what belongs to the dung... Point one, the most important, which breaks your heart even before inserting the cursed disc into the stereo, plunging you into utter despair (strangely every note of the album brought to mind System popping their cigars cigars, which were represented by two ten-euro bills rolled up): the fact that the disc lasts less than an episode of "The Twilight Zone" and the awareness that they will drop another of the same duration six months later, also the length of a snack, and that the total price of the albums will cost as much as the entire box set (of 5 DVDs) of THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

Point two, titled: LISTENING ON THE EDGE OF REALITY... I take the CD and start reading, preparing to listen with a chilled drink and a handmade cigarette... Go, track one: thirty-second intro, the usual round of notes... as old as my grandfather, then the usual little chorus: but an intro is an intro, it can allow itself anything, so patience, the good will come later... An intro is an intro... BUT A CD IS A CD!!! It can't afford everything!!! In fact, since my stereo isn't broken (sorry for the nonsense note), the SOAD-branded wailing continues and continues and continues: it continues so much that in the end it seems like I've watched thirty-five episodes of The Twilight Zone, or rather, it feels like I'm there in person on the edge of reality! This damn CD never ends!

Point three, or DEJA-HEARD, but really too déjà! The truth about SOAD, which couldn't have stayed hidden for long, is that, let's be honest, we've suspected for quite a while, and that these song thieves have written only one song! It's beautiful, but it's the only one! Innovative, splendid, and pyrotechnic: but just one, one song! A song that the sly foxes shape from time to time, changing the chorus, the duration of the melodic piece, the tutupa! of the angry part, the key... but the pattern is the same, the listener's sensations are the same, the riffs the same: this means that after two tracks, I was bored out of my mind. Not to mention (point four) THE SUGARY POP SOUND of the album's tracks, whose sound literally sucks up to MTV and the little trendy girls who go to howl in the front row at concerts! This is infuriating!!! Damn SOAD: tracks like "Lost in Hollywood", "Revenga", "Radio/Video" (and I'll stop here because recalling the titles irritates me) are unpresentable stuff in the panorama SOAD looks at, and certainly unpresentable also in the panorama SOAD does not even look at, unpresentable even as flooded in Panorama!

Point six (no, five), or THE MOMENT I REMEMBER POINT ONE AND GET ANGRY and think that the most boring, fake, and wrong people I know listen to these SOAD CDs with pleasure: they are the fake alternatives, the anti-conformists for self-assertion, who give themselves an air of serious engagement because they listen to this stuff in the home-disco disco-home route. It just so happens they all listen to System... the bastards...

And I warmly recommend (something I obviously did with immense satisfaction and that represents POINT 6) to take this CD and set it on fire in front of a SOAD fan (alcohol is the best solution...) who will obviously think you're crazy and go to listen to RADIO VIDEO (ahahahahahahha!!!) at full volume. You'll think about this pathetic scene with an ice-cold beer and a Tom Waits record in the background... you'll feel divine (especially if it's your eighth beer).

Now I have explained why this CD is dung, and they all lived happily ever after. Thanks for the audience.