Sufjan Stevens
Carrie & Lowell

Entering the lives of others: I have never been able to do it.

When they were handing out empathy, I watched the line and wondered what they were doing, before shrugging and walking away to mind my own business. That's why other people's emotions remain indecipherable to me even when they are obvious; they embarrass me and leave me stunned. Sometimes, they don't even scratch my indifference.

My inadequacy leads me to prioritize what I feel over what others feel. It makes me selfish and inattentive, cold, distracted, terrified.

And I become paralyzed, not knowing what to do, how to move, what the right word is, what the appropriate gesture is. I don't know what should be said or what should not be said.

I cannot put myself in others' shoes (not even physically).

But there is this album that, for once, doesn't let me glimpse my pain in what I hear, but someone else's. The sense of loss, sadness, nostalgia, resentment, regrets, affections, memories come to life, becoming clearer and clearer, listening after listening.

I don't know if empathy can be trained like a muscle, but Carrie & Lowell has been on repeat for months now. Perhaps, in the end, it's like looking in the mirror, seeing oneself in someone else, and, for once, truly understanding.