Riccardo Milani
Ma cosa ci dice il cervello

I sometimes don't understand why I choose to inflict harm upon myself. Deliberately, of my own volition. Especially with Italian movies.

The fact is that one evening, my masochism reached previously untapped heights, and as I was browsing the new arrivals on the well-known platform, I was struck: why not? Why not watch "Ma cosa ci dice il cervello"?

For the title, first of all.

But also for the plot, for example.

Well, but I want it, I told you, I want to hurt myself.

Alright.

So Paola Cortellesi is a mom first of all, daughter of Carla Signoris second, and a secret agent lastly.

One fine day, she gets a call from the girl from Ovosodo (and it's a pity I don't remember her name because I think she's talented and beautiful, but I can't spend my life on the internet), who was her best friend in high school, and she says come on, let's have a reunion with the friends, she says no, not even if they pay me, then finds a box with old photos and says well okay then. At the reunion, she discovers that the guy she had a crush on as a teenager has become obese and that all her old friends have problems. Specifically, they all have people who beat them up. Yes, it’s not really clear why, but each of them has an enemy that beats them up. A teacher has a student who beats him, a flight attendant has a passenger who beats her, a youth coach has a dad, a doctor has a patient; it's a tough world.

So she decides to help them with her secret agent powers and, from memory, she disguises herself as: a fuchsia-haired tattoo artist, tattoo and piercing enthusiast, a tomboy at the field with red hair and a white puffer jacket, a doctor, a flight attendant, and more and others I’ve forgotten, and I watched it an hour ago, and she faces the danger (which is never there) to give a good lesson to these rascals with a quick slap while doing her job and saving the world from the real bad guys (who, however, never do anything bad), all accompanied by a constant do-gooder background that in the end, men are all good-hearted folks even if they headbutt people, if they hit women, oh well, just make them reason and make them understand they've gone wrong, up to the grand finale with Mengoni shouting “credo negli esseri umani”, damn, can I swear? no.

My God. They even got a budget, in my opinion, but damn it, I never laughed. Never. The gags suck. The action scenes are funnier. I saw Cortellesi running on the rooftops of Marrakech, I swear. I've seen things. Plus, it's poorly shot. But really, really badly.

Then one can also overlook light-years of implausibility and the objective ugliness of it all, but damn, at least make it funny! Not a single smile in an hour and forty minutes of crap. I hate you.

Why do you make these shitty films and not give the money to serious people, but I say give the money to Svevo, give open accounts to the Manettis, but holy God why then say that Diabolik sucks and then, but you know what, I tell you all go to hell, suck on this shit that you like, damn it, and stop bothering because if culture in this shitty country of old people sucks, it's also your fault because you revel in feces because you like it because you're tired of making an effort because you don't have time, so really, suck on this crap and enjoy it, you bastards.

Sorry :)

Ah, but of course, damn, Pandolfi! Claudia Pandolfi. Gorgeous. Excuse me.