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It's a bit like the problem with pineapple pizza, after all. Pizza is good, and pineapple too. Together, they suck, and that's because there's something called "whole" and another called "the sum of the parts": incomprehensibly, the two concepts don't coincide. There are certain dynamics that govern the success of a mixture, some obscure, others understandable if you're willing to make a minimal logical effort.
Planet Funk are the most stomach-churning pineapple pizza ever tasted. Replace the two ingredients with "rock" and "electronics," and we end up with an album of disarming mediocrity, but also jarring, graceless, utterly wrong. In short, very, very, very bad. Planet Funk means Daft Punk custom-made for the general public that reads Rolling Stone while waiting at the ophthalmologist's. I listen to any "Who Said," with those vocalizations that keep going up because they can't guess a decent melody on the midrange, and my ears start painfully ringing: instead of getting pumped up, I feel like strangling myself with dental floss while listening to Motel Connection (remember them? No? Lucky you). Refer to the entry "Playing poorly," "horrible music." This is truly bad music, but not that guilty pleasure kind of bad: it's genuinely bad, authentic, whole, with no prospect of improvement.
The fact that Planet Funk are considered icons of Italian music makes me realize two things: 1) how Italians are damagingly foreign-loving, to the point that they can't tell good dance music from one that's crap but "in the end it's okay because it's sung in English and has synths and beats"; 2) how sad the state of Italian pop music is, forced to rely on this type of freak show that wouldn't even enter the hallway of a major label in England. Yet, here, PF are under a major label, and they enjoy enormous support from radio and TV (at least when music had some space), and I feel a bit more depressed if I'm unlucky enough to tune into these thoughts.
The questions are three, Planet Funk:
a) what the hell kind of name did you choose?
b) don't you just feel sad for yourselves for being such cheap heroes in such a provincial country?
c) what the hell kind of name did you choose?
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