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Rating:
PARIS VERY JOLIE
I'm in Paris in the Hilton Hall and I wonder: according to you, what record should I have reviewed while being here? Faust’o’s Hotel Plaza? De André’s Hotel Supramonte?! Ohhhhhhhhh… well done, I see you did the math and got there on your own.
So, armed with a little recorder and chamomile, I wait for the little princess-bimbo-ambassador for the interview she promised me on the occasion of the launch of this her first work which, in a burst of originality, she entitled "Paris".
What did she mean with this cryptic title with multiple levels of interpretation according to you?! Tough isn’t it?
But I don't want to be polemical prematurely... I count to 10, take a deep breath, and sip this Ramadan-flavored The Lypton with the aplomb of a Very English Man.
Here she is, she’s arrived.
Immediately a trail of paparazzingher (who are nothing but normal gossip photographers dressed as Pope Benedict XVI to sponge as much as they can and get in everywhere) take pictures of the Boiled-Eye Barbie making a grand descent from the stairs as if she were Pizza Nilli on the Sanremo stage of ‘56.
And everyone shouts “Paris! PARIS” in a tumultuous, chaotically unmanageable din (yes indeed… I invented this word: any questions?).
She looks around bored and sits dressed in a babydoll on the central sofa. She doles out a couple of “Oui, c’est moi” with 4 decorative smiles and then lets us listen to the Opera Omnia (hopefully, as it is unique…) of the CD in question.
She starts with the first crappy track (and it’s not an insult, but a compliment): “Turn it up” and one wonders about the existence of God, how long the History of Humanity will go on, when that freaking Judgment Day arrives, if Calderoli and Borghezio have any complete sense and things like that. She spices it all with some late-romantic-dyslexic Pin-Up moves by dancing to the track while putting her mobile phone on full display.
Now, a "serious" reviewer should run through the whole setlist track by track, with the appropriate comment perhaps. But since I claim the right to NOT BE A SERIOUS REVIEWER, especially with records of this artistic and ethical caliber, I refuse to consider the whole affair "seriously" and move directly to phase B cutting the head off the bull… actually, off the chick!
I get up from my little sofa, pull out of the bag my AXE axe by Viper® (lightweight and one of the sharpest, they say) and without giving her time to counter the question (which I DID NOT ASK her) I thud a dull blow on her neck (which she heard very well)! Oh yes, the usual frenzy, the usual rush of journalists, secretaries, managers, photographers in clerical garb, shouts and screams from dogs and pigs, bitches and Porsches (the car) in a General Panic Collective Celebration. A deeeAAAdly boooOOOring bit of news.
Could someone perhaps have wished for a comment on individual tracks? Will the History of Music ever say “look, what's that little stench?” Will anyone ever miss this new rich-and-spoilt lady singer thanks to Daddy Hilton, apart from the usual four nerds who have faithfully followed me for months?
«I have always known I could sing well and have a beautiful throat by the way, but I was too embarrassed to let go. But in the end, I dove in», she confessed to the French newspaper Prestige a few months ago. Well, the throat matter was addressed with a cut at the base and to the question “Do ya think I'm sexy” (cover of the very famous Rod-Saup-Dee-Stewart) we can all calmly answer: Maybe once. Not anymore, thanks.
*) Now that with her “departure” a place has opened for a mobile ambassador, I would officially like to apply for the vacant position. I cost much less and would certainly have more memorability and impact (Oh Claudiooo, put in a good word too, okay… I promise I'll entertain you even more than she did!!) ?
Tracklist Lyrics and Videos
01 Turn It Up (03:13)
(Uhhh...)
(Yeah...)
(That's hot...)
(Uhhh...)
(Yeah...)
(Get it started, huh...)
(Yeah...)
Gonna make me scream
Wanna cause a riot
Make a lot of noise
I don't want to be quiet
When it gets real loud
Make it even louder
Gotta turn me on (Uhhhhh....)
Gotta make me higher
You gotta know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off too smoothe
You're running out of time
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaaaa...)
Turn it up
Can you make me hot
Make me touch the ceiling
Can you read my mind
Can you gimme that feeling
When I lose my clothes
You like that, don't cha?
Let's get exposed
Cause you know you want to
You got to know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off too smoothe
Now you're running out of time
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!)
Don't play around
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!)
Let's get it started now
You can get it started
Don't be scared to party
Get up, move your body
It's time to party
You gotta know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off to smoothe
Now you're running out of time
Turn it up (ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Turn it up
(Make me lose my mind)
Turn it up (Ohhhwaaa...)
Gonna make me scream
(Gonna make me scream)
Wanna cause a riot
Make a lot of noise
(Ohhh...)
I don't wanna be quiet
(ohhh...)
When it gets real loud
Make it even louder
Gotta turn me on (uhhh...)
Got to make me higher
Gotta know what to do
If you wanna get down
So don't go off to smoothe
Now you're running out of time
Turn it up
(Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up)
Turn it up
Turn it up
Turn it up
Turn it up
(Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up)
Turn it up
Turn it up
Turn it up
Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up
Ohh, don't be afraid to turn it up
(Get it started)
03 Stars Are Blind (03:57)
I don't mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you
My love, ohh oh
I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love's what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home? oh no, ohh
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you
Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical, oh no, no no
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you
Baby I'm perfect for you
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
05 Jealousy (03:40)
I thought you were my best friend
I thought we'd be together to the end
Your not the girl I once knew
Tell me were she is cause she's not you
You used to be that shoulder
That shoulder I could lean on through it all
But now its getting colder
There's no love between these walls
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Is such an evil thing
To watch someone have
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Nobody wins when your full of envy
La, La, La, La......
I was always happy
When I was watching you become a star
But you were only happy
When the world was openin' up my scars
And now I'm like the devil
Well if I am then what does that make you
You sold yourself for your fame
You'll still never walk a day in my shoes
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Is such an evil thing
To watch someone have
Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy
Nobody wins when your full of envy
La, La, La, La......
06 Heartbeat (03:43)
I was lonely only I didn't know it
I was so sad only I didn't show it
You came like the sun breaking through the clouds
And I found your what I can't live without
You will feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
I'm complete
And you will help me up again from my heartbeat
That's what I need
No I didn't know what I was missin'
Oh my baby since we've been kissin'
I can feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
Its so sweet lying here with you
You'll look at me and I see my reflection
You'll understand who I am needs protection
The way you latch to me
The way you love me
And I will love you onto myself
You will feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
I'm complete
And you will help me up again from my heartbeat
That's what I need
No I didn't know what I was missin'
Oh my baby since we've been kissin'
I can feel what's up ahead from my heartbeat
Its so sweet lying here with you
08 Screwed (03:42)
Let's start it up again
You're under my skin
Same old story�
Boy meets girl
And she falls much harder than him
Baby, where's the glory?
If all night
All night
You're attention�s not mine
Then let's start it up again
You're under my skin
It's a sin
'Cause you're starting to win
Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you�
My heart�s wide open
And I'm just lookin� through
To the lover in you�
And I'm still hopin�
That tonight
Tonight
You're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you�
What do I gotta do?
Just push her aside
She's not your type
So clich� when
A boy falls under the spell
Of a woman from Hell
It's hard to take 'cause
Tonight
Tonight
You could've found out I might
Have been the girl of your dreams
Baby, you might've seen
What it means
Just to really be free
Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you�
My heart�s wide open
And I'm just lookin� through
To the lover in you�
And I'm still hopin�
That tonight
Tonight
You're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you�
What do I gotta do?
Tell me that you do'
Tell me that you do'
Tell me that you wanna take my number
There will come a day
A hazy day in May
Or a storm in mid-December
When you need someone
Just to have a little fun
Then I could be the perfect girl for you to run
Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you�
My heart�s wide open
And I'm just lookin� through
To the lover in you�
And I'm still hopin�
That tonight
Tonight
You're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room
Just to prove it to you�
What do I gotta do?
* REPEAT CHORUS TO FADE *
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By mick7
Good heavens, listening to it from start to finish was indeed an effort, but every time I was about to give up, I clenched my cheeks and kept going.
To me, it’s the umpteenth proof of God’s non-existence, because otherwise, He wouldn’t have allowed, while people are dying of hunger and wars, one of His creatures to ruin the world with her disgraceful lifestyle.
