The new parish priest was very nervous about his first Mass and could barely speak. So he asked the Archbishop how he could relax, and the Archbishop suggested he put a little Tequila in the communion water. He did just that. He felt so good he could have delivered the sermon in the middle of a storm. However, when he returned to the rectory, he found the following letter from the Archbishop:
"Dear Don Augusto, a few brief notes:
Next time, put some Tequila in the water, not the other way around, and it's not appropriate to put lemon and salt on the rim of the chalice.
The sleeve of your robe should not be used as a napkin.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
The seven deadly sins are not the sins of the inhabitants of Rome.
You should not refer to Judas as 'that son of a bitch,' and his mother and father were not, respectively, a whore and a faggot.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are not 'the Old Man, Junior, and the little ghost.'
The restroom where you urinated halfway through the Mass was actually the confessional…
…..and it’s not nice to curse just because the toilet didn’t flush.
The initiative to ask the congregation to clap was commendable, but dancing the Macarena and forming a conga line seems excessive to me.
Holy Water is for blessing, not for refreshing your sweaty neck.
The Hosts should be distributed to the faithful taking communion; they should not be treated like chips as an appetizer accompanied by Vin Santo.
The one on the cross, even though he resembles Che Guevara with his beard, was not him but Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Try to wear underwear, and when it’s hot, avoid cooling off by pulling up your robe.
Sinners when they die go to hell, not 'to get fucked.'
Mass should last about an hour and not two 45-minute halves, and the one dressed in black is the Sacristan, not 'that bastard referee.'
The one sitting next to you was me, your Archbishop, not '...some queen in a red skirt.'
The correct final formula is 'the Mass is ended; go in peace,' and not 'What a headache, get the hell out of here.'
Other than that, it seems everything went well."
The Archbishop
"Dear Don Augusto, a few brief notes:
Next time, put some Tequila in the water, not the other way around, and it's not appropriate to put lemon and salt on the rim of the chalice.
The sleeve of your robe should not be used as a napkin.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
The seven deadly sins are not the sins of the inhabitants of Rome.
You should not refer to Judas as 'that son of a bitch,' and his mother and father were not, respectively, a whore and a faggot.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are not 'the Old Man, Junior, and the little ghost.'
The restroom where you urinated halfway through the Mass was actually the confessional…
…..and it’s not nice to curse just because the toilet didn’t flush.
The initiative to ask the congregation to clap was commendable, but dancing the Macarena and forming a conga line seems excessive to me.
Holy Water is for blessing, not for refreshing your sweaty neck.
The Hosts should be distributed to the faithful taking communion; they should not be treated like chips as an appetizer accompanied by Vin Santo.
The one on the cross, even though he resembles Che Guevara with his beard, was not him but Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Try to wear underwear, and when it’s hot, avoid cooling off by pulling up your robe.
Sinners when they die go to hell, not 'to get fucked.'
Mass should last about an hour and not two 45-minute halves, and the one dressed in black is the Sacristan, not 'that bastard referee.'
The one sitting next to you was me, your Archbishop, not '...some queen in a red skirt.'
The correct final formula is 'the Mass is ended; go in peace,' and not 'What a headache, get the hell out of here.'
Other than that, it seems everything went well."
The Archbishop
withor
18 aug 24
DeRank ™: 18,97 VecchiDeMmerda
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