Dear Easter Vikings, after an evening teetering between idiocy and criminality, where I downed a barrel of Moretti beer, I found myself with a devastating nausea and a horoscope written in 15 minutes after having a light shot. And I intend to share this horoscope with everyone because, in the end, I didn’t write a horoscope just for myself.

Aries: November will be a month of turbulent problems and small joys. One of these small joys is finding the old PS1 that your parents had been keeping in the basement for several decades.
Taurus: a possible turning point in your work life; you will slowly climb the social ladder. Additionally, you will go see Finding Nemo with some random child.
Gemini (Mr. @[Mojoman]): this month will reignite love with your partner, seize this rosy moment. And be careful to cook the chestnuts well; otherwise, you’ll end up spending whole days in the bathroom.
Cancer: fortune will finally cast a glance your way after almost 6 months of misfortunes. You will even win 10 euros with a scratch card—what more could you want?
Leo: you have destroyed any chance of reconciling with your partner, and you won't see him/her for a while. He/she took the vileda mop with them, so you'll have to clean the floor with something else; I recommend something fuzzy, like a rug.
Virgo: the work field will bring new and well-deserved rewards. You'll have to work even on November 1st.
Libra: it will be a month where you will finally manage to fulfill many of your desires, both the more explicit and the more secret ones. Your car's engine will break down, and you will have to use your grandfather’s military pandino for a while.
Scorpio: November will be a month of perpetual imbalance, where work will take away love and love will take away work. Try not to plan your possible escape.
Sagittarius (the emblematic @[Eneathedevil] and the heretical @[TataOgg]): just a few weeks before your birth, you will feel the urge to try something new. You’ll attempt to make carbonara with spinach; I honestly slightly hate you for that.
Capricorn (memedesimo and the diabolical @[Ditta]): apparently, Jupiter will give way to Mercury, ensuring a rosy period in the emotional sphere. However, your socks will always be mismatched.
Aquarius (the seer @[Dislocation]): the first part of this month will be tough and stressful, with work loads that are impossible to bear. Considering that you'll have to spend a lot of time outside...sometimes even in hail.
Pisces (the good @[RinaldiACHTUNG]): you will find a moment of reflection where you can take stock of the situation. The point is that there’s no point.