Electric Wizard - Funeralopolis #understandthemetal Understanding metal is super easy. Easy Peasy Devil Squeezy. You just need to grasp the basics.
The basics are:
1) a lot of metal really sucks
2) [following the first point, not isolated] this percentage of metal that really sucks is often (but not always) played pretty fast.
**2.1) when it's played super duper fast, it always sucks. Always, that's how it is, come on, we know it.
3) [like two] The good percentage is often (but not always) played pretty slowly
**3.1) When it's played super duper slowly, it sucks in 97.9% of cases. Percentages can vary by 7.98% depending on the seasons and your mood percentage.

So, to understand metal? Look for those with Gibsons. If they have a Flying V... you're in trouble, you're taking a risk; is the guy bald, wearing glasses, and does he have a shitty tattoo on his head? Pizza dough? Okay, he’s the one. Doesn't he have them? No, in 92.7899% of cases you’re about to hear crap. I told you, look for people with Gibsons.

...Oh, the Flying V is a Gibson? Well, understanding metal is tricky, I told you. You'll never make it.