In 1994, after an exaggerated game with a gun, the blond angel Cobain flew to heaven: but not before decorating the walls of his garage with something of his, actually, with himself. And the TV and the Fans immediately: necrophilia rulesss "Bla Bla Bla angel Bla Bla Bla True Artist Bla Bla Bla Genius Bla Bla Bla Why aren’t you here with us now Waa Waa Waa Nevermind is the last rock album of the 90s Bla Bla Bla". In short, an epic mix of tear-jerking nonsense and various emotional crap to make even the heavily underage subscribers of Cioè puke, with all these unbearable injections of affection-book-heart updated to the generation of blind fury. And soon after armies of diaper-pooping kids will adorn their T-Shirts with a new angular, tortured, intense face, after Morrison: Cobain is definitively martyred, for the eternal joy of the belly of Geffen Records and various lucrative affiliates. So now if I came from Mars, I would think "Ohh damn, are these Nirvana fucking geniuses? Everyone’s saying it, it must be true, Cobain phone home. These Nirvana have contributed who knows what to the now withered trunk of rock n’ roll, but it’s a blast, I’m getting the discography yesssss!!! Yesssss, I want my slice of Modern Art signed by Grohl, Novoselic, Cobain J"
Blim Blim Blim. After 2 hours of listening Blim Blim Blim. My face is like an angry red traffic light, I threw the CD player at my deformed Brad Pitbull dog as if it were an useless bone "So, what the hell is this banal soporific shitty nonsense? Serve the Servants or no? Complete with Oh Oh chorus. I sit and drink Pennyroyal tea, or rather it sounds like this. - I sit and drink Pennyroyaallllllllllllllllll (with a suffering hoarse voice), I’m anemic of ladnessssssssssssss (with a suffering hoarse voice)" I ask myself after a careful analysis "How many vocal registers does this Cobain know? It’s of an astonishing aesthetic flatness, he has a hoarse singing, which sometimes manages to rasp, yes to be hoarse, even if in some parts he tends more to the hoarse, but without ever going clean, yes, he is hoarse let’s say, some parts are really sadly suffered, and he manages to imprint the song with a certain melancholy, due to his strong hoarse uvula, have I said he’s hoarse?"
But before continuing with Cobain, let's remember that the Nirvana are a three-headed monster, all thinking (about other things). Let's see these big heads
Dave Grohl: AHAHAHAHA. Sort of incompetent little whore with a prestigious name that allows him to wiggle with drumsticks in projects as mainstream as they are useless "See Probot" with dying heavy metal glories, puuu... In short, this Grohl is a complete moron who ended up at the right time in the right band, a gutless bum living off the back of the “Nirvana” red thread won 15 years ago. He has an artistic value directly proportional to the beauty of his teeth (which for the record resemble stalactites after a night of hell in the blown-up Chernobyl factory). And what did Grohl create right after Nirvana? Foo Fighters buahahha. As far as known as a laxative towards a correctly developed human brain; with their baby bottle lullabies for the average MTV or Radio 105 user, they can just drip their 3-chord shit in a “good party” with punk skaters wanking over Avril Lavigne the Whore. Using only thumb and forefinger eh! In short, Grohl is a small bourgeois enjoying unlimited fame due to his lucky break, like winning a high-number lottery in Milan or Rome. A needless cow dung in terms of True Art. He has nothing artistic, he's a puppet surrounded by hotties making music to clean toilets, just like Justin Timberlake: same shit, but vaguely softer music genre compared to Timberland. Rating 2 out of 10.
Chris Novoselic: on bass. A big guy almost 2 meters tall, who inspires a lot of sympathy for that absent-minded air. In short, nice yes, but what the hell have you done as a musician? You could have pursued a career as a flying tall guy in some badass US university, winning fantastic scholarships for slam dunks at the limit of physical rationality. No. You had to compose less than 5% of the band's electric music, be a "mini mini mini Cobain henchman" and mirror every note of maestro "joy of life jump into my mouth" guitar. YES, because it is so, a Nirvana song has the guitar going TUM TUM TUM TUM, and the bass repeats in chorus like a retarded child TUM TUM TUM TUM, there is no variation between the bass parts and the guitar ones. So, let me understand… mmm let’s say Cobain writes the guitar parts, and these are identical to those that will come to the bassist, who therefore composes nothing. But what the hell did Novoselic do for 5 years with the Seattle duo??? Played 3 chords which he didn’t even choose, becoming in practice the stupidest, coarsest, globetrotter session man. Novoselic but what the heck did you serve for? Anyone else could have been at Nirvana's bass with unchanged stylistic results. Always better than Dave "Viagra" Grohl eh! Rating 4 out of 10. Even if he’s nice.
We now come to the modern Beethoven, the swan song of alternative civilization in the ‘900: Frank Zappa? No. Julian Cope? No. Robyn Hitchcock? No. Kurt Cobain! I don’t laugh as for Grohl, I’m not surprised as for Novoselic: I yawn with a hippo mouth.
This is what Cobain evokes in me, and I'm not saying it as a badass fan of Dream Theater or other subs- doing 8 hours of futile wanking a day. No no, I say it as a shameless lover of originality, freshness, ideas, purity, abandonment. Cobain had none of these qualities, he was a basic grunge song machine of 3 minutes alternating a melodic phrasing with a suffering hoarse shout. Cobain has always written the same mediocre, flat song for all 5 years of Nirvana, he achieved immediate success due to the easily memorable banality of his melodies and a winning little face with the female sex. Every song is identical to the previous one, for example, can you frickin’ tell me what the difference is between the riff of Rape Me and that of Teen Spirits; "He did it on purpose to cause a stir, as a desecration gesture, he was sharp Kurt!" they told me. Damn, but does this Cobain do it on purpose in every song to be a desecrator by cloning himself??? The variations on the distorted-melodic rock song short-length theme are practically nonexistent, a self-plagiarism and lack of ideas covered by a tormented-cursed halo, by the hoarse voice, and other crap like that! Cobain was poor in ideas. Of musical structures. Of imagination. He himself said "We always use the same formula" or "This In Utero is the last in the name of Nirvana, we are exhausted, we are banal, I want to become a sort of Butthole Surfers".
We’ll never know how the blonde would have evolved if that day he hadn’t stained the garage of his residence in Seattle. I think something good would have come out certainly, but not Nirvana. They are so immature, so remote controlled, so controlled, so dubbed, so patched up. Seems like watching a post-Chernobyl mix of Wipers, Husker Du, and Mudhoney. How the hell did Cobain manage to get drugged like a camel for years and give birth to all songs identical to each other like a goddamn regular accountant when picking up a guitar would? And then you must endure the usual "Don't listen to it with your head, listen to it with your heart, Nevermind and In Utero are to be listened to with the heart bla bla bla BULLSHIT bla bla CRAP bla bla bla" it practically translates to "Yes, even though Cobain used the usual 3 chords that even a handicapped kid in his garage would use, and has melodies not superior to these, and always sings with that damn hoarse voice alternated to melodic, never varying on the theme, well he is a fucking professional self-plagiarist, but: Cobain is pure" Pure? Given that Bleach in its uselessness is the album alongside side B of Incesticide that I prefer: do you want to tell me what the frickin’ hell is pure in a CD born under a major record label? WAKE UP! Pure are the Fugazi and others who struggle to stay independent. Every band that went to a major dilutes its desecration power because it is forced by the same major to churn out more distributable, sellable products. It’s not a good or bad thing a priori, it’s reality. It's bad for art with a capital A and good for the wallet of those who sign with the 5 corporations.
Nirvana who should be so pure from 'Nevermind' onwards have opted for the second choice. Cobain tear-jerker with torn jeans and the hobo face earned just 1 million dollars with "Nevermind”, beyond unthinkable economic benefits he even had the balls to say "Majors suckkkkk, it’s all crapppp, we’re not like the herd of sheep going to mcdonaldddd (besides asshole Grohl is an asshole, in any case, he founded Foo Fighters, aha yea you couldn’t know this), we are sincere, like the people who have real problems". In short all very beautiful, all worth framing, all very sincere. But it was Cobain who signed for the so criticized Geffen and it was he who signed to enter posh parties and to have his CDs sold at rest-stops. So Cobain wasn’t talented, wasn’t imaginative, has always written the same song or nearly and moreover, wasn’t even unsullied. THEN WHAT THE HELL THE HECK DO PEOPLE LISTEN TO HIM FOR????
He may have written some good songs, but if he hadn’t enjoyed such a publicity launch, he wouldn’t now be rooted in the nostalgic-alternative DNA of millions. How hard was it to remain in the heart of disoriented kids appearing 4 hours a day on TV side by side with Michael Jackson and George Michael? And now let’s say it: grunge in music history is one of the stupidest, most derivative, and genius-devoid genres ever appeared. "BUT NO!!! What are you saying it is an unheard freshness blast, it is the swan song of imagination, think: it is a union of metal and punk!!!” BUT NO I'M TELLING YOU!!!! What an absurd coolness then, a stroke of genius, Einstein and Marconi would surely have been grungers if they had been born in the 60s! The only merit of grunge was to kick in the ass the ruling street glam metal of the ‘80s, the wind for audio crap like Poison changed, it was time for those bastards eating rice at Carrie to go back north to fabiland to make cardboard guitars for those who buy records sold on Italia 1 at three o'clock in the morning "Buy 89 songs for 6 CDs there is also --- (the music starts) CARRIEEE O CARRIEEEE ---" This is the end that grunge a useless genre has done for a genre that was useless shitty idiot pretentious bastard as glam. Were we saying? Ah yes, metal and punk fusion as Baudelaireian coolness: but then Frank Zappa who even fused his mother into his visionary Freak rides? And Can or Faust who integrated into rock's backbone both avant-garde, jazz, cabaret, and acid rock?? The Residents who are so much hybridized as to have practically touched every 900 musical proposal??? Examples of masterful fusions between genres and superior can be found from the 60s to the 90s, only people with musical knowledge touching white stripesian shores up to the Oasis can drink the fairy tale "Grunge Revolution".
Grunge is a traditionalist, anachronistic, elementary (not minimalist) genre, picking up brilliant ideas like those of Dinosaur Jr (those are truly great) or Butthole Surfers (Gods), but also Stooges or Mc5 and Black Sabbath: to make them an immense bore devoid of ideas. Cobain spent ¾ of his discography getting rounded off, sweetened, his turns modified by Geffen Records. 'Nevermind' was taken away and modified and then printed, 'In Utero' was allowed only because grunge had by then become a fashion and distorted guitars were Ok. Cobain should have retired from the scenes, created a pseudonym, created an independent label, made emotional music in formats distant from the “nirvana” period and produced sincere artists, or perhaps devoted himself to painting or other forms of art.
Instead BANG BANG BANG. I’m sorry because he too is nice for some unknown reason, exactly like Novoselic.
Dave Grohl "I am a fucking genius"
Your sister…
Loading comments slowly
