Mike Mendez
Lavalantula

THE REVIEW

In origin it is the Asylum, always to be praised.

The Asylum is a film company with a mission: to produce TV movies of the zeta series cubed, those films that are so euphemistically and wonderfully absurd that they don't even try to distribute them in cinemas, and they download them directly to the most unlikely television channels for transmission during the deep depression periods of the schedule.

To make myself understood immediately, here in Italy Sky invented Cielo: Cielo is the apotheosis of trash 24/7, but in the August heat desolation it has a burst of pride, grabs courage with both hands and invariably crosses that apocalyptic limit. So, after the Shark Attack series, the Monster Night series has returned, ideal for those planning to die overwhelmed by a feeling halfway between incredulity and hysterical hilarity, on any Ferragosto Wednesday night.

Now, after «Sharknado», «2-Headed Shark Attack» and «3-Headed Shark Attack» committed to memory, yesterday it was the turn of «Lavalantula»: given that you all know the films about the rampage of the two-headed and three-headed sharks, I will now write a few lines on this other one.

For the avoidance of doubt, «Lavalantula» is a masterpiece and also a relative novelty for Italian screens, freely inspired by «Sharknado»: indeed, where «Sharknado» combines sharks and tornadoes, «Lavalantula» merges volcanic eruptions and tarantulas.

In short, in Santa Monica, the volcano erupts, even though there's no volcano in Santa Monica; the lava spurts and flows joyously and spreads everywhere giant fire-spitting rock tarantulas that withstand everything, even hydrogen bombs; then the hero of duty invents I won't tell you what nor how nor with whom and everyone continues to live happily ever after, trusting in the next apocalypse.

Because – final consideration no. 1 – in California there will always be a next apocalypse, and «Sharknado» has reached the sixth episode and «Lavalantula» only the second.

Because – final consideration no. 2 – at Asylum, they work 24 hours a day for 365 days a year and small Asylum will grow and multiply.

Because – final consideration no. 3 – there will always be a Steve Guttenberg, a Danny Trejo, an Ian Ziering, or a priest to shoot bullshit (of celluloid), fortunately!

And as the honorary Presidénte of this site writes, RAGÀ, THE PROTAGONISTS ARE THOSE FROM POLICE ACADEMY, THERE'S MAHONEY AND THE BLACK GUY WHO MAKES THE NOISES, go and see it everyone.