Meat Loaf
Hang Cool Teddy Bear

No guys, we're really not there! I would have liked - with my first review - to pay tribute to what I have always considered one of the most beautiful and emotional voices in melodic rock! Unfortunately, in the face of an album like "Hang Cool Teddy Bear", I just don't feel like doing it!

Too many words have been spent on the superb production of the album, the clear and powerful sounds, the many (useful?!) illustrious collaborations, but no one has pointed out the most obvious (and sad) thing: where is the protagonist? Where is the Meat Loaf? Once again he has disguised himself as a poor imitation of Springsteen, a failed imitation of Bon Jovi, producing an album parody, that looks in all directions but goes nowhere, excessively and unnecessarily varied, attempting partly to mimic (poorly) past masterpieces, partly to find new paths, borrowing here and there styles that do not belong to Meat Loaf. The result is disappointing. But let's get into the details of the tracks.

"Peace On Earth" is a strange mix of American rock and symphonic orchestration, and it would all be fitting if it weren't for a horrendous clumsily paced chorus, light years away from the epic Steinmanian elaborations. "Living On The Outside" slightly lifts things up: it has a good melodic flow with a Soul influence, reminiscent of the soft rock of "Bad Attitude". On the contrary, "Los Angeloser" is embarrassing; perhaps the worst piece ever sung by our man: on the verge of pop with a chorus akin to Zecchino d'Oro. "If I Can’t Have You" is the most Meat Loaf oriented track: a crescendo of melody and epicness built, as usual (and thankfully!), on the intertwining of two voices. Yet it feels like something is missing, like the piece is artificially constructed to be "Steinman-like" but fails to reach its potential, lacking complexity, the typical intricacies and baroqueness of the aforementioned producer/composer! "Love Is Not Real" is very similar, in its outcome, to the opening track: it seeks eclecticism but finds boredom and repetitiveness, despite the strong presence of gentlemen Brian May and Steve Vai on guitars. Fortunately, "Like a Rose", the next song, is truly original, with its acoustic start and rough, almost Street Rock progression. It is followed by the heaviest piece on the album, "Song Of Madness", in which Meat Loaf does well with the "evil" metalhead voice, and accompanied by the technical prowess of Steve Vai, it strongly recalls the latest works of the great Ronnie James Dio (RIP). Good. This is where the album in question ends! The remaining songs make no sense, even bore, poorly repeating the previously applied formula (hard rock, ballad, Meat Loaf style, etc...). Not even the last track, written by the hit (and money) factory duo Bon Jovi/Desmond Child, manages to fix things: "Elvis in Vegas" starts well, rises better but falls on the chorus, unpleasant and out of place, lacking any sensible relation to the rest of the song. And that’s all!

At this point I ask myself and you: was it necessary to end the career with an album like this? Please, let's go back and listen to the three real masterpieces of Meat Loaf: Bat Out Of Hell I, Dead Ringer, and Bat Out Of Hell II.