Luc Besson
Léon

Giggetto and Vituperio.

Valerian, a pretentious film for a European director born in the land where it all began, the progenitor of modern cinema, you get it, France. Luc Besson, a chubby director with an almost friendly face, author of beautiful thrillers, Nikita (1990), Léon (1994), in 2017 released his new blockbuster in theaters around the world, costing him many millions of money.

The genre proposed by the daring Luc is science fiction... ding dong ding dong, << mmh who's knocking at this hour? >> << Hi Giggè, what brings you here, you haven't been around for ages, how's it going? >> << Look who's talking... Vitupè, I had a couple of hours to kill and thought to visit you, am I interrupting? >> << Not at all, make yourself comfortable, I'm writing a review of the film Valerian here on DeB. >> << Ah, I've seen it too, beautiful, the special effects are fantastic, listen buddy, can I play a match... mmh let's see, what lame games, well this one amuses me... at Wipeout HD? You know I don't want to disturb, I'll put on the headphones, my portable game player is busted; it couldn't handle the hit... >>

Inside, Vituperio thought: Giggè, old stupid young man homogenized, a victim of a diplomatic capitalist society. << Yes, okay, beautiful is a big word... go ahead and play and don't disturb me, be careful that iron might explode at any moment, I haven't turned it on in years. >> Where was I... oh yes, the genre proposed by the director is science fiction but to a much greater extent it is the usual universally pleasing film that entertains both young and old. A proper Blockbuster indeed, not that there's anything wrong with it, on the contrary, to be honest, I somewhat liked it despite the fact that flaws and clichés are not lacking...

first of all I didn't go to see it because naturally I was sure it was a clone of Star Wars. Yes, Star Wars, so many memories... the first trilogy was the best, then they made a second (prequel), then a third (sequel). Extremely boring: "The Phantom Menace" put you to sleep, "Attack of the Clones" too, not to mention the rest... but there is a detail that intrigues me about this film, that is, it is inspired by a famous comic book in France of which Luc Besson was a fan in his tender years. This comic was published monthly in the magazine Pilot, boasting inside it panels by artists of the caliber of Enki Bilal, Moebius etc, not peanuts. A bit of a spoiler...

<< Vitupè, this game gives some nice satisfaction even if it's outdated, of course playing connected is a whole different thing, why not connect this junk console to the internet? Imagine the challenges. You're always the same cheapskate, I'd come to see you more often, it may be a video game dated ages before Christ but the frame rate isn't bad at all. >> << Giggè, don't bother me. >> ...We are transported into the 28th century in the company of the main characters Dane Dehaan (Valerian), Cara Delevigne (Loureline), special agents for the government who live and work together on the international space station which, over the centuries, has left Earth's orbit for safety reasons regarding Earth. The city of a thousand planets, as it is called, travels through deep space populated by myriad forms of alien life with the Government of Earth at the lead.

Our amusing heroes: him a womanizing playboy, her a cool stickler, are tasked with retrieving the precious "transmuter", a cute little creature with special powers that disappeared under mysterious circumstances. What to say, the film reflects very well on a science fiction action movie with a fast pace that does not bore. The script is good, the plot is smooth and original as far as the proposed genre is concerned. Throughout the narrative journey, we find amusing characters, strange and grotesque creatures. Jolly justly, owner of... I can't tell you what played by the masterful Ethan Howke, stands out among all, proving how the American actor is at ease in the most disparate and bizarre roles, even not necessarily main ones. A bit subdued is the acting of Delevigne, too lanky, too young, too model-like, too much of everything, beautiful but cold and expressionless in acting. Better her partner, Major Valerian or rather Dehaan more natural and at ease.

To conclude, what’s wrong? The ENDING, the pathetic ending. The villain is recognizable from the beginning, the classic "and they lived happily ever after". What I wonder is; with all the money spent on production, the beautiful special effects, couldn't they have done a little, I say just a little more, to make it all less predictable? << Nonsense Vitupè, the ending is perfect. >> << Hey, am I speaking out loud? >> << I mean would you have preferred instead of a happy ending Valerian and Loureline beat each other up? Don't vent your bicentennial single frustrations on the main characters. The ending is perfect, for a Blockbuster that must satisfy a wide varied audience, don't overthink it if you were looking for extravagant intellectual plots you’d be watching a film by Jodorowsky. >>

-Maremmalaidasbudellatasbranatadaimaialiincorsailgiornodipasquacciamalidetta (he’s agnostic), precisely that’s what I was saying, is it so difficult to create an original quality Blockbuster without falling into the usual banal clichés? Then I kind of like Valerian with those under-eyes like an assiduous visitor of porn sites, no playboy, what a fling, let them copulate bla bla bla... >> Vituperio continued swearing out loud for five minutes (he always does this when contradicted). << Okay okay alright, I'm leaving, there's a girl waiting for me at the kebab place, see you Vitupè, take care gazzilloro. >> << Go on, get out of my face because I’m nervous because of you incompetent, you don’t even know how to judge objectively... >> << bye!!! Bam. >> << Look at this jerk annoying... this film truly sucks. Let’s finish this darn race and end it, my "head is spinning"... >> (Rating 2.5/5.) << Wait, that bastard stole my game, bast***, id***, b*****, s*** >> etc etc.