Jason Lei Howden
Guns Akimbo

Here's the narrative gist of this film: there's a guy whose hands are fitted with guns by some crazies (after the fists-in-hands, a leap of originality that's almost epochal). Stop. The rest is a buffet of what we've already seen that is hardly ever boring, is quite entertaining, but ultimately leaves nothing behind. It seems like one of those films where you have a crazy and bizarre idea but lack the money or the talent (or both) to make something memorable out of it. Here, it neither reaches infamy nor praise, but you spend a little over an hour and a half with a few smiles and a couple of curses.

If you've seen that sonic crap Hardcore, the amusing Crank, and the mythological Kung Fury (just to name a few), you've pretty much already seen Guns Akimbo. If you've watched Black Mirror or if you simply have an average brain, then you're already tired of that ball-rinsing "dystopian message" of violence on the net, the spectacularization of violence on the net, the violent who are only violent online, and so on. By now, these pre-packaged moral messages sound almost like a parody, so only an incurable nerd, 100% obsessed with video gaming, trolling & mediocre cinephilia, would find them shocking, revealing, or iconoclastic.

You've already guessed that Guns Akimbo doesn't shine for originality; it's not even particularly lively because the plot is very predictable, the mix of gunshots + insults + CGI blood splatters is stale and worn (watch Alex Garland's Dredd for some slow-mo kills worthy of the name...), the deliberately dissonant music isn't surprising, the supporting characters are nobodies, and there's this villain who looks like a scrotum with Simon Pegg's face, and it's unclear whether it's a mockery or a poorly executed psychopath.

We're faced with an arcade video game that could have lasted at most 45 minutes, and that, with a few cuts here and there, might have worked as an episode of some TV series, especially since the ending gives the impression of a pilot (but maybe not...). However, the film is watchable because it's lopsided and cheeky enough to keep us from yawning, and after all, its carefree lack of originality makes it enjoyable for a casual viewing. Daniel Radcliffe puts in a lot of effort, takes a lot of hits, and as a character that's slapped around and embarrassed, he does well, just like the big-toothed Samara Weaving (for whom I have a guilty crush), who holds her own with bouts of goofiness and hysterical giggling.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone started rambling about the supposed qualities of this film because I've glimpsed reviews online with bloated, provincial praises, over-the-top, ridiculous. Take Guns Akimbo for what it is: a shooter turned into a film. Or a sort of black comedy that stumbles along fueled by hits of poppers. You remember poppers, right?