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Rating: A few days ago, my cousin came to my house to tell me that at Pizzeria by Tony, the Coverbend Aironmeide are performing. I've never heard them on Radio Maruzzo Mia, not even their name, but my cousin told me that in Calambrona, the nearby town with many inhabitants, over 2000, all the posh people have their cassette. I don't really trust my cousin, he has long hair, and he's the only one in the family who has graduated—he's quite peculiar. I'm embarrassed to bring him among my friends because they call him the scientist. He's always silent but he surely knows how to use his mouth when eating. He's so fast at eating that once with his little finger he pulled out a whole leaf of lettuce from between his teeth. As a prank, I placed it in Gennaro's sandwich when he went to the bathroom.
Not to upset my cousin, I told him yes. I got dressed (with pajamas underneath because it’s cold in my town in winter) and went to Domenico's house. I didn’t wash though because it’s not Sunday. Yes, because I wash once a week on Sunday before going to church, and the water in the tub turns black. Then my dad puts that water in hot water bottles and in the pots because he says it’s a shame to waste so much when in Africa they want that water and can’t have it. It seems strange to me that in Africa they want my black water, but my dad watches the news and knows these things better. Another friend of mine, on the other hand, washes once every two weeks, but it doesn't seem so because he uses the trick of putting on perfume. Once he ran out, and instead of perfume, he used his grandma’s hairspray.
When I got to Domenico's house, I told him about Coverbend Aironmeide, and he said that if they are known in Calambrona, it means they are good. Domenico has always been ahead of fashion; when fluorescent sweaters were in fashion, he was the first to buy one. He was also the first to get a tattoo with the ace of clubs. In the whole town, he's the one who has, attached to the rearview mirror, the longest fox tail of all. I wanted to be him when on the tractor he came back from the fields with sunglasses and a cellphone in hand, talking to people while driving. When I bought a cellphone, no one called me. One day, to show the girls that I can also talk on the phone, I did like Domenico, but while I was talking, it rang, and all the girls started laughing. Domenico is also good at doing spins while standing on the Tagatà.
Then we informed another friend of ours named Vito about the concert at by Tony. Vito is a street cleaner. One day we argued because I told him his job is ugly, always with his hands in the garbage. He told me that being a doctor is worse because they put their finger up the ass. I didn’t believe there’s a doctor who does these things, but he swore it was true because his father goes once a year to have it done. Then another friend of mine told me it’s true, that doctor checks if you’re still enjoying life, so I believed it.
Then we also told Enzo. Everyone calls him Don Parrot. He always wears a silk shirt with the collar up. Even in our town, there’s a lovers' lock bridge, and Enzo goes to put one every time he jerks off, and now the railing is bent. Luckily, the national team isn’t playing that day because if they were, he wouldn’t come. Enzo is a big fan of the national team. When the matches start, he makes the sign of the cross and kisses the ring with the lion's head.
I told my cousin that I informed all the friends, and they said yes, and he was happy. To thank me, he had a focaccia made by his mother, my aunt, and brought it to me, but since my aunt has a big, hairy mole under her mouth and it grosses me out, I made up the excuse that I have diarrhea and can’t eat. My aunt is very religious and told me that going to see Coverbend is a sin, Jesus doesn’t want it, and I didn’t understand anything. My uncle Giuseppe, when he was alive, always told her she should feel the chest hairs on her back, and I didn’t know how he did it. When my uncle died, the priest told her she should be careful because evil enters life at these moments. That’s why he teaches her religion in the sacristy with the door closed, so evil can’t enter.
My cousin is happy because he likes to see Coverbend Aironmeide’s live music, but I only go to keep him happy because the live music that I like is the kind from amusement rides.
While we were waiting for the concert to start, we learned it wasn’t happening anymore. The priest and my aunt went to by Tony to talk to him and convinced him not to do the live.
So I, my cousin, Vito, and Enzo went back. Domenico didn’t come because he was stopped by the traffic wardens, and they made him remove the fox tail from the mirror, and he went into depression. The psychologist wrote on his sheet: "This episode can affect self-esteem and cause impotence". I think Domenico also needs to go to the doctor with the finger up the ass.
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