Gorgoroth
Twilight Of The Idols

Glenn Benton is no longer my favorite superhero: lately, he hasn't tattooed mutilated arms of Jesus or scenes of sodomy with saints, but what’s worse is that he's also crazy about Shakira (who isn't satanic at all nor evil nor Brutal).

Chris Barnes, then, has grown Dreadlocks and looks more like a stoned Jamaican on weed (which makes you dim-witted and sleepy, so it's not Brutal) than a Brutal singer. Mark Greenway, on the other hand, has been photographed drinking Coca-Cola and then got fat, so it must have been the fault of the Big Macs he eats (the traitor). In contrast, gasoline costs a fortune and in Lebanon there’s a very Brutal atmosphere…

Yasser Arafat, from above, enjoys the view while sipping a glass of Barolo and hoping for Fidel Castro's death so he can play a game of pool; he keeps saying that his seventy virgins are bad at playing and don’t appreciate fine wine. Silvio Berlusconi avoided the death penalty for crimes committed from 1972 to today by disguising himself as a turkey and heading to America for Thanksgiving, neglecting the fact that the turkey is usually eaten afterward. The only ones who can still embody the ideal of the Supreme and unattainable Evil, the God of evil Satan, are Gorgoroth, with their 224 indictments for black masses and their 509 lawsuits for assorted violence, of which they boast of having lost all.

The Gorgoroth are not docile animals like a lizard, a peacock, or lettuce; they are very aggressive animals that find their natural habitat in Norway, always the land of truly evil, wicked, icy, macabre, satanic groups. But what makes them even more evil, wicked, and ruthless is that in reality, they have nothing to do with wicked, evil, and cruel groups, and none of the other Black groups ever cared about them because they are more Brutal and can’t play. This means being the most Brutal of all. In fact, I didn’t hesitate to order this album entitled “The Twilight of the Idols,” which between the lines means that the gods don’t exist and that everyone will die in the skies and on planet Earth, and then only Gorgoroth will remain on the rubble of houses and on human, animal, and plant corpses to play their guitars, which they know how to play badly, and to boast of their 155 complaints (who they boast to is unclear, but these “concept titles” are the ultimate in life and above all are very much Brutal Black).

One morning I was about to finish up some last Brutal things before this album arrived, which is Brutal because it’s strong and cool, but it’s Black because it’s evil and satanic and was forged in the workshops of Satan, god of evil and eternal damnation of Christians as well as the remuneration of convinced and faithful satanists; I was just guillotining a flower vase with the house shutter when I heard the pleasant sound of the doorbell. Since the postman has started ruining all my Brutal moments, I've made him a tool of the Brutal as well; indeed, my doorbell doesn’t go “Ding Dong” but plays all “Dismembered and Molested” by Cannibal Corpse, so Brutal moments are interrupted by Brutal, only Brutal, and nothing else. My mom is not happy I decapitated the plant, she kicks me in the mouth, pushes me into the elevator, and since I live in a crappy building, the elevator gets stuck and I’m trapped. No doubt, this is very Brutal and then you all know my mom, but it’s starting to get hot and the air is scarce. Suddenly the roof of the elevator opens and up there they are, the Gorgoroth!!!

One tells me the service was included in the price of the CD and orders me to say a “Hail Mary” backward: I obey and immediately another blesses me with the blood of a Christian victim and consecrates me to the god of Evil, lord of the darkness, leader of the wicked black satanists and of the goats incarnated in the name of evil. All together they start jumping on the elevator until it crashes and I'm free but under the obligation to participate that night in a very wicked mass in the blackest wicked forest of Italy. Armed with the control panel, I run upstairs to find the postman who was supposed to give me the Gorgoroth album; indeed, he’s still there ringing to ruin my Brutal moments, unaware of the fate that awaits him. I'm about to hit him with the control panel when he shields himself with “The Twilight of the Idols”… how can I strike him? Once again he will get away with it. As soon as I listen to it, I realize there is nothing more Brutal Black than this CD: the songs are evil, black, satanic, nocturnal, icy, forestry, malignant, Norwegian, cruel, malevolent, luciferian, infernal, and talk only about wicked black satanic nocturnal icy forestry malignant Norwegian cruel malevolent luciferian infernal masses. Furthermore, Gorgoroth paint their faces white and black because now that it has been discovered that Juve was a corrupt team, they have decided to support Juve because it is much more Brutal Black than a non-cheating team. Wandering and the Devil intertwine in the tales of Ascaroth, Tracaroth, and Probaroth, the three demons of satanic and Norwegian tradition.

Now nothing can stop me and I improvise a black mass sacrificing another plant to Satan: the magic spells that are written in the Booklet work and Burzum, Euronymous, and Glenn Benton appear to me. Burzum greets me, thanks me, and runs away, but Euronymous and Glenn Benton (who seems to have come back to his senses) tell me that Gorgoroth aren’t so much Brutal Black because they’ve only been sued 224 times but have never killed anyone nor inflicted burns on themselves with inverted crosses or self-sodomized with the pastoral of a satanic priest. Moreover, Glenn tells me they don't even know how to play the bass and lets me hear how he does it. I promise him to put the CD aside and buy all of theirs and the two leave hopping away.

Today on TV they showed that hunters organized a protest hunt in the woods of Sondrio, not caring if the hunting season is still closed. It seems that during the night they shot Juve supporters who had capes: how stupid these supporters, everyone there is for Milan!