Adriano Bernard

In my absolutely debatable opinion, what became power metal in the '90s is crap. I won't go into details; I just want to say that it is the most banal, self-similar, ridiculous, pathetic, easy, trashy, and even a bit fascist. The notion of good music was a joke; besides, Sonata not only are hypermelodic but also have the flaw of an absolutely tacky singing style. The ballads, on the other hand, are unbearable: pure cotton candy. They give me diabetes, personally. I hope I’ve made myself clearer. PS: On top of that, I can't stand the "fantasy" vibe, which is as vulgar, predictable, and ridiculous as it gets. And I can't tolerate those who say "you can't throw a genre in the toilet," because power metal is not a genre; it’s a simplification of Rainbow: the same atmospheres, but with underdeveloped melodies. @ rebelde: Yes, I'm with you because I know that wherever you go, there's always something I don't like.

It's been a while since we last read you... Here you go!

Sugary, corally, and happy? A bit like I'm from Barcelona? Damn, they're already mine.

It is a duty to music, forgive me.

Darn it, the de-motor cut out the whole part where Sting invited Steve Howe to play golf at his villa in Tuscany, and proposed he join the Police reunion. Sting: Just make sure you do a few solos, you know that if the critics find out you’re on the album, Steve, they’ll say that you and I invented progressive pop. Steve: You’re right, but in exchange, besides the standard 500 million bucks, can you give me some advice? Wet and I have run out of creativity for the half-Italian titles of our albums, what do you suggest we do? Sting: Look, there are plenty of other languages that have words starting with A... like "achtung" in German... And if you really hit a dead end, there’s always Latin, which by the way would also add a touch of culture to your career; it’s not like there’s been a lot of cultural stuff so far.... Back to Steve and Weddon: Steve: So we can also use Latin; I know many say it’s dead, but with a couple of kicks in the ass, we’ll bring it back to life and invent “Progressivus Latinus Rock.” Weddon: That would be awesome, the critics would acclaim us!

Half an hour later, Steve’s phone rings again:
Steve: "Hello?"
Weddon: "Hey Steve, what are we doing for the cover?"
Steve: "As usual, you always draw it, and it always turns out to be some pretentious half-fantasy crap that reminds me of the power metal covers of Rhapsody."
Weddon: "Okay, I was actually inspired by Stratovarius."
Steve: "Wed, I’ve known you for 85 years, I mean since you were born, but I have to tell you: who cares about Rhapsody or Stratovarius, it’s all the same."
Weddon: "Steve, you keep taking hits, you’re the one who’s 85, I’m 93."
Steve: "Don’t be a pain and let me go to sleep. Good night." And he hangs up.

Mien instead is a good thing; that way, if someone comes to Debaser and thinks of reviewing them by giving a 5 to the album, they can avoid it since the reviews are already there. For the rest, I'd say that continuing to provide new names with an "A" to Asia isn’t a good idea: maybe right now that they’ve run out of ideas and were thinking of retiring from their mediocre career, bidding farewell to the fans with "Silent Nation"... Like, Steve Howe calls Wetton and says: "Hey, Wet, I found this Italian site that says our albums suck." Wetton: "Steve, what are you surprised about? Since our first album came out, everyone has been telling us our music is a bit of a sellout: it pretends to be progressive but resembles the feed you give to chickens. I can’t help but agree with them, but you know… how could we have imagined that with that crap "Heat Of The Moment", which mimics some prog but is actually just a 80s pop tune, we would make ends meet? And after the first album, we couldn’t resist and dove into the second, and then the third, and so on, flushing more and more prog down the toilet and turning everything into half aor half 80s pop crap! And think that even today there are those who believe that we make progressive rock! How clever we’ve been..." Steve Howe: "How clever I have been... I’d like to remind you that it was all my idea..." Wetton: "Yes, I give you that, but the idea to start "Only Time Will Tell" like a military anthem was mine to win over the crowds... and the idea to put new age background like Mike Oldfield in "Open Your Eyes" was mine too... and even the idea of naming all the albums with an "A" was my idea, damn it, you always take credit for everything!" Steve: "You’re right, I’m sorry, that one was brilliant: it has a lot of that grand Floydian-style progressive concept vibe, right? Without the titles of our albums, we wouldn’t be anything..." Wetton: "True, it was unfortunate when we ran out of words that start with an 'A'... but you were telling me about this Italian site..." Steve: "Ah yes, I was telling you that it’s our salvation: tons of Italian fans, just joking around, suggested titles for our upcoming albums! We’re saved, we’re going to start making money again, and even if no one cares about us in the States, there are always the Italians who buy them!" Wetton: "And how do you know what those guys are writing? How long have you been speaking Italian?!" Steve: "But come on, Wed, did you forget that I’ve been thumbing through my little Italian dictionary for almost thirty years... Don’t you remember? Asia, Aqua, Arco, Arca di Noè, Arlecchina Prog, Artemisia, Anna, Annagrazia, Annamaria, Altalena Prog... Don't you remember? I was looking for similar names to give a touch of genius to our albums; that’s how we made money, don’t you remember? Wetton: "Oh yes, sorry, but old age is starting to play tricks on me… I can’t play like I used to, I don’t have the strength..." MOMENT OF MEDITATIVE SILENCE AND THEN... Steve: "I know, in fact I was thinking we could make these new albums on the computer… you know, electro prog, it would be awesome! Who knows, maybe the critics would consider us the new geniuses of the century, those who mixed Aphex Twin with prog..." Wetton: "That would be fantastic, it’s a great idea... and with the other band members, do we do as usual? Will you play for them? Eddie Jobson has been dead for fifteen years, and Geoff Downes left in '92 after a pear while listening to "Open Your Eyes"." Steve: "Yes, as always. I’m torn between the titles "Ananas", "Armadillia", or "Alaska" for the next album. Which one would you choose?" Ciccio: "I would go with "Alaska": the last album, "Silent Nation", was about Molise, where I spent my vacation a few years ago. We’re getting into the habit of talking about places; who knows, the fans might read some brilliant psychedelic prog concept in it." Steve: "Okay, I’m in... but damn, you know I met Sting this summer?! During my vacation in Tuscany?!

They also remind a bit of the Black Crowes' "Remedy."

I happened to catch them on MTV: the song, "On Call," was a repetitive mewing with a solo that bordered on pathetic. It repeated the same line for three and a half minutes, with a melody that couldn't be more calculated. They might be giving Franz Ferdinand a run for their money, but I have no doubt; it takes so little. To me, it seemed like the umpteenth clever commercial gimmick, cobbled together from here and there. And let's not even talk about how they looked; the singer resembled a mix between Ozzy Osbourne and Burzum. I'll find the album, but for now, I'm trusting my instincts.

Like Quasimodo? Anyway, I doubt I'll ever listen to them! :-)