Voto:
Desolata '82 writes to us: "I believe my boyfriend doesn't know about the existence of the clitoris and what its functions are, etc... I don't know how to tell him... Please help me!!!" Well: your boyfriend is not entirely wrong, because the existence of the clitoris and its properties have been debated for millennia by esteemed scientists and philosophers. Thales of Elea was convinced that the clitoris had the same consistency as air, so he limited himself to blowing against his wife's vulva, convinced he was providing her with unlimited pleasure. Until she asked for a divorce. Democritus acknowledged the existence of the clitoris, but for him it was such a small organ that it was invisible and impalpable. Since it was impossible to manipulate it in any way, he concluded that women lived as if they didn't have one, so they should keep their worries to themselves and not be a nuisance. He managed to persuade his wife of his theories (or at least, so he believed), so she didn't get a divorce. In exchange, Democritus immediately received a nice pair of visible and palpable horns. Things got complicated when Plato began to argue that the clitoris was a perfect Idea, real indeed, but unreachable. No matter how many clitorises he might have seen in his life, none could be considered the ideal clitoris. He even tried to hold a contest for Miss Clitoris, to which maidens from all over Greece came (in every sense), but the results were disappointing. In the end, Plato came to doubt the very existence of the ideal clitoris, and then even of the empirical one. But by then he was 90 years old and didn't care much about such things anymore. It was with Galileo that the study of the clitoris made a significant leap forward: first of all, the scientist used a telescope, a marvelous instrument set up in his hotel room while he spied on a young lady undressing at the window of the building across the street. Galileo discovered that the clitoris really existed, had the shape of a small penis, and if properly stimulated, produced strange shrieks and muscle spasms in women. Unfortunately, he became convinced that these phenomena were due to hysterical attacks, typical of female nature, and that it was appropriate to remove this small organ to cure women suffering from such disorders. And just as he was chasing his wife with scissors in hand to perform what he believed was an inevitable operation, she climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa, stumbled, and fell into the void. 150 kg of flesh shattered on the ground in exactly 9 seconds. From there, he began his studies on the fall of heavy bodies, while the issues related to the clitoris faded into the background, and given that his young lover Luana preferred anal intercourse, they were soon forgotten. Currently, studies are stuck on the famous theory of relativity by Einstein, according to which it doesn't really matter if the clitoris exists or not, but whether said clitoris and the finger/tongue that stimulates it are in the same spacetime dimension (cf. "From 69 to black holes," Stephen Hawking, ed. Celograndeceloblu). Meanwhile, for thousands of years, billions of women have been scratching "that thing" that is "there," experiencing extraordinary sensations, but no one really knows "what." And lacking documents, counter-analyses, and slow-motion footage, the whole issue has been zipped into a Word-formatted X-file and handed over to Agent Mulder, who to this day has not yet uncovered the mystery, but claims to be convinced of one thing, and pointing at colleague Scully lying on the table with her legs open, murmurs inspired: "The Truth is in there." Dr. Perineo
