SUPERVAI1986

0.5 but I round it to 1 because I don’t want to ruin the beautiful average :)

the mother of fools is always pregnant!

A mom and her five-year-old son are looking out the window. The little boy asks his mom:
- Mom, mom, why is dad stumbling around in the yard?
- Shut up and pass me another bullet.

A man walks into a doctor's office, leaving a trail of blood behind him. The man says to the doctor:
- Doctor, please help me. I've been stabbed and I have a knife in my back.
The doctor glances at his watch and, in a calm voice, replies:
- I'm sorry, but it's 2:20 now, and I work until 2. I can't do anything for you today.
- But doctor, what are you saying? I'm bleeding and I need immediate help.
The doctor, slightly irritated:
- I kindly explained to you that my shift is over and that I can't help you. Come back here tomorrow at 8, and we'll see what can be done.
- But doctor, you don't understand: I have a knife in my back and I’ll bleed to death by tomorrow. You must help me now, not tomorrow.
The doctor, now already angry and annoyed, approaches the patient, pulls the knife out of his back, and stabs it into his right eye.
- Now go see an eye specialist. Your appointment is on the second floor and he's there until 3.

Every morning, a carabiniere enters a phone booth, picks up the receiver, says something, then listens and comes out all happy, with a big smile on his face. A gentleman, who waits for his bus in front of this phone booth every morning, approaches the carabiniere one day.
- Excuse me, I know it's none of my business, but I see you doing this ritual every morning and I was wondering what you were doing?
- I go in, pick up the receiver and ask: "Who is the smartest carabiniere in the world?" and the voice answers me: "You, youuu, you, youuu, you, youuu..."

- When did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?
- When his right hand caught fire!

Rome. A lady walks into a greengrocer’s and asks the vendor:
- Hao, how much is the grapes?
- 3 a kilo.
- And the persimmons?
- After a couple of hours, ma'am.

In Naples, a thug gets on the bus:
- Everybody freeze, this is a robbery!
A passenger:
- Oh my God, I'm so scared! I thought it was the ticket inspector.

Husband and wife. He is taking a shower and at that moment his wife walks by and sees him masturbating. Stunned, she asks him what he is doing and he replies:
- I'll wash it at the speed I want!

The girl is about to go on her first date. Her worried mother tells her:
- Listen, sometimes boys take advantage. You need to be careful. If he tries to touch your breasts, you should tell him: "There are thorns that sting!", and if he tries to touch you down there, say: "No, there’s an oven that’s hot!".
Later, the daughter comes home. The mother then asks her:
- How did it go?
The daughter:
- Good, mom, your advice was really helpful!
- In what way?
- He wanted to touch my breasts, so I told him: "No, there are thorns that sting!". Then he wanted to touch me down there, and I said: "No, that’s a hot oven!". Then he asked me: "Why don’t you let me cook the sausage?".
- And then? What happened?!?
- He must have cooked it for almost two hours, but when he let me taste it, it was still raw.