SUPERVAI1986

On a plane, an American, a Frenchman, and a Maltese. The Frenchman says, "You know? My uncle is so tall that when he raises his arm, he can touch the tip of the Eiffel Tower." And the American replies, "So what? My uncle is so tall that when he raises his arm, he can touch the tip of the Empire State Building." The Maltese, not knowing what to say because there are no buildings that tall in Malta, but not wanting to be outdone, asks the American, "Excuse me, has your uncle ever touched something soft when he raises his arm?" And the American, not wanting to look bad, answers, "Yes, of course." And the Maltese says, "Well, those are my uncle's balls!"

A group of girlfriends is on vacation, looking for accommodation: they see a beautiful five-story hotel with a sign that reads "for women only." Since they are there without their respective men, they decide to enter. The concierge explains how it works: "We have several floors. You can go up one floor at a time, and when you find what you're looking for, you can stop. It's easy to decide because each floor has a sign telling you what you will find. The only rule is that once you leave a floor, you can't go back." The friends consult each other and decide to accept. So they begin to go up, and on the first floor, they find a sign: "here all the men are terrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind." The friends laugh and without hesitation proceed to the next floor. The sign on the second floor says: "here all the men are fantastic lovers, but they usually mistreat women." The friends exchange a glance and decisively head up the stairs again. They arrive at the third floor, where they find the following sign: "here all the men are great lovers and sensitive to women's needs." This seems interesting, but there are still two more floors. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "here all the men have perfect bodies; they are sensitive and kind to women and extraordinary lovers; they are also single, rich, and sincere." The women are very intrigued, but they decide it’s best to see what the fifth floor has to offer. So they go up again and find the following sign: "there are no men here. This floor was built just to demonstrate that there is no way to please a woman."

A young bricklayer, after a long courtship, is finally invited to his girlfriend's house for dinner. She explains: "Please behave well because my grandma is at home, she’s not feeling too well and is very fussy, critical. Try to make a good impression; it means a lot to me." "Of course, dear," he replies.
When he arrives at her house, he's very tense and has quite a movement in his stomach. In the afternoon, he hadn't been able to resist a beautiful plate of pasta and beans. He enters, greets the grandma who is sitting in front of the television in the living room... a bit of small talk... with some difficulty since the grandma is a bit hard of hearing... until the girlfriend makes him sit in the adjacent room for dinner.
Meanwhile, her dog, a beautiful setter named Black, curls up right under his chair. The stomach pains increase... he starts to sweat... Dinner is about to begin, but the phone rings. She says to him: "Sorry, love, I'll try to hurry."
So she goes into another room to answer... he hears her from a distance... bla bla bla... and thinks: "Wow, if I don't take advantage of this now, my stomach is going to explode!" So he starts to let one out little by little... PPRRREEETTT... and right after, the grandma, who heard it, exclaims: "Blaaaack...." and he thinks: "Great, that old bat blames the dog; I have to take advantage of this!" ... Meanwhile, he still hears his girlfriend in the distance... bla bla bla... so he gets ready and lets out another one... PPPPPPRRRRRREEEEEETTTTTT... and the grandma again: "Blaaaaaaaack!" ... and he thinks: "Awesome!" ... then he gets himself ready, braces himself, and...
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRR OOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT ... and the grandma shouts: "BLACK, get away from there, or I'll kick your ass!!"

A man comes home at 7 in the morning and finds his wife awake, waiting for him.
Wife: "Did you have a late night, Superman?"
"You know, my love, yesterday there was a business meeting with the Japanese..."
"And you discussed until 7 in the morning, Superman?"
"Let me finish, darling. After successfully closing the deal at 11 PM, we invited them to dinner."
"And this dinner lasted until 7 in the morning, Superman?"
"No, my love, we had dinner for a couple of hours, but then, since they were our guests, we took them out to have some fun."
"Yes, Superman, but clubs close at 3, at the latest 3:30. It's 7."
"My love, you never let me finish. After that, we thought we’d show them the city by night."
"Until 7 in the morning, Superman?"
"No, sweetheart, but we passed by the street of the prostitutes, and some wanted to have some fun. If we said no, they might have changed their minds."
"How long were they with the prostitutes, Superman? All night?"
"No, my love, after that we took them to the airport since their flight was leaving at 6."
"Alright, Superman, but you should have been at the airport an hour early. There’s a big difference between 5 and 7."
"My love, after that we went to the bar for breakfast, and then the morning traffic started. That’s why I was late. And why do you call me Superman?"
"Because only you and Superman wear your underwear over your pants."

One day, the king of ping pong decided to hold a contest: whoever brings the most ping pong balls will win my daughter as a prize. The winner was the one who brought an entire harbor full of ping pong balls, and while the wedding was being celebrated, a man entered, utterly destroyed, with one leg missing and covered in bruises, holding a large sack. Observing the two newlyweds, he grew suspicious and said, "But excuse me... what was it we were supposed to bring?" And everyone in chorus replied, "The ping pong balls!" The man shouted, "Oh damn, I thought it was King Kong's balls!"

A boy on a bicycle goes to his father: "Dad, look at this beautiful car I have... And you know it runs on gasoline?"
The father pretends to believe him and replies, "Yes, yes... good job, Gigetto," but the boy continues, "Come on, Dad, give me the gasoline... give me the gasoline." The father then pretends to pour an imaginary liquid into the car, and the boy says, "No, Dad, not there! Look, now you’ve messed up the whole car!" The father starts to lose his patience. The boy keeps babbling, and then the father slaps him.
The boy is astonished: "Dad... you hit me...!" and he replies, "What? I just closed the door!"

A beautiful and attractive lady at the dentist's: Lady: Doctor, is it more painful to have a tooth extracted or to have a child? Doctor: Ma'am, please decide! I need to know so I can adjust the chair!!

A prostitute at the gynecologist's office, after a check-up the doctor asks: "Madam, do you have any discharge during your cycle?" And the prostitute replies: "Of course, doctor, 500, 600, sometimes even a million a day..."

An elderly man goes to the doctor: "Doctor, I can't pee anymore." And the doctor asks, "How old are you?" The old man replies, "92, doctor"… "You've already peed enough!!!"

A gentleman with a tapeworm goes to the doctor, and the doctor says to him: "I HAVE A VERY EFFECTIVE THERAPY: TOMORROW BRING ME TWO GRISSINI AND AN OLIVE!" The gentleman complies, and the doctor inserts them into his rectum, first the two grissini and then the olive. This scene repeats for many consecutive days, and the worm absorbs everything. Then one day the doctor says: "TOMORROW BRING ME 2 GRISSINI AND A HAMMER." The astonished gentleman complies, and the next day the doctor puts the two grissini into his rectum and then, with the hammer in hand, waits. The worm comes out and says: "AND THE OLIVE????" The doctor replies: "BAM!"
A woman has just given birth when the doctor takes the newborn, throws it against the wall, kicks it a couple of times in the butt, hangs it on the wall, and does a scalpel toss, and finally, by throwing it onto the ceiling, he detaches its little arms. The mother, screaming and crying: "My baby, you're hurting my baby, you're killing it, stop, I beg you..." The doctor: "April Fool's ... it was already born dead!"