Stoney

"...super complicated riffs, odd time signatures, tremolo and sweep picking galore, super-fast solos, furious drumming characterized by the massive use of double bass." Fuck, what geniuses. Original, as a concept, right? No one has ever done it quite like them before!

"And yet it’s as if, in these black grooves of vinyl, something more than the chaos produced by a bass, a couple of guitars, and a drum kit has been imprinted. Something that, even today, when I listen to this record, gives me that murky aftertaste that only beautiful memories possess: it’s that naive and sincere enthusiasm..." Damn, you made me emotional; I feel that way about Blind Guardian records I listened to at 15 :D

Madonna, they even use synths. Well, then they must surely be worth noting! It means they can actually play, unlike those "other brutal" extreme bands that people think just make meaningless noise! Shall we compare? Because, obviously, synths are there to create atmosphere! Synths are that nice, alien instrument that creates a soundscape like "woooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo mmm" throughout the piece, which "gives atmosphere," something that "usually is lacking in these records." Sure, upon closer inspection, "usually" melody, creativity, harmony, musical decency, common sense, and MUSIC are also missing, but who cares if there’s atmosphere? I always say: where are we headed...

Here you go, just back off. "Led ZeppelinG"... BHUAHUHAUHUHUHAUHWHAUHAUHUHUAHUWHAW UHWAUHAWUHAWUAWHUAWHUHWAUHAWUHAWUAW HAWUHWUHAWUHAWHAUHAU what the hell do I have to read...

I don’t know, I must be sick... but for me, a woman like that would take away time, feelings, work, money, sleep, reason, human dignity, everything... God bless her...

The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. SAINT IMMEDIATELY!

This is not the usual metal album to listen to in the car with friends while headbanging. This isn't even a metal album. This isn't even an album. It's something unidentified to be experienced in strict solitude. It's an inner journey, confronting the most terrible and unconfessed fears that emerge from the darkness in which they had been confined. It's desperation, claustrophobia, madness, illness, a mental labyrinth, and pain. It's coldness, stagnation, hysteria, anguish, the relentless advance of a future without hope. After listening to Catch Thirty-Three, nothing remains, not even silence. Only, somewhere, the awareness that nothing will be the same again. Nothing. I’m not crazy, nor ironic. It’s all true. To those who still talk about technique, music, notes, to those who treat them like any metal band: you don’t understand… this is so far beyond that you can’t even imagine it. Meshuggah will only be fully understood in 30 years. Maybe...

This music is SHIT. In the 80s, it had the same role that Britney Spears or Justin Timberlake have today. Unfortunately, many, insisting on considering rock or heavy metal a genre that is "non-commercial" by definition, completely bypass this observation and focus solely on the technique/melody mix that pleases them so much. Once again, here the technique is self-referential, and the melodies are worthy of the most pathetic chart-topping hits from MTV, the kind that teenage girls write (idiot and banal) lyrics in their diaries. So, nothing new under the sun: a rock band praised by metalheads and girls, just like many others.

Anyone with a shred of common sense, intelligence, and a sense of musical culture cannot help but hate this band, PERIOD. That's how it is written, and THAT'S IT. Don't try to come up with convoluted justifications because you’re just making yourself look worse.

But just look if I have to regret the 883...