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Rating:
With Terence Hill (Trinity, aka "The Right Hand of the Devil"), Bud Spencer (Bambino, sheriff by chance and Trinity's brother, aka "The Left Hand of the Devil"), Steffen Zacharias (Jonathan, assistant to "sheriff" Bambino), Dan Sturkie (Tobia, leader of a far too peaceful community of Mormons), Gisela Hahn and Elena Pedemonte (Sarah and Judith, respectively, two young and beautiful Mormon girls who fall in love with Trinity), Farley Granger (Major Harriman or simply the Major, wealthy and ruthless, and sworn enemy of the Mormons).
Gunslinger: I'll settle him for good at the first chance, that son of an old hag…
Friend: Don’t try it, he's faster than a snake!
Trinity: Your stupid friend is right... don't try...
Trinity: Ah, anyway, the beans were terrible! (after devouring a panful)
Injured Mexican: "La mia esposa stava al fiume señor... a lavare... un gringo l'aggredì... e la voleva... io ho corso in suo aiuto... avevo il coltello... quello mi guarda con gli occhi spalancati... e muore... nel cadere avrà battuto la testa... io gli ho dato solo qualche coltellata!"... "You gringos are bastards... you want our women and if you get stabbed, you’re offended!”
Gunslinger: Hey you, fancy boy!
Trinity: Talking to me?
Gunslinger: Yes, I’m talking to you peasant... drop the gun belt!
Injured Mexican: He said to you, señor!
Jonathan: He (Bambino) smelled just like you when he got here. It took three bars of soap to see his skin color, so young man, if you want me to shake your hand, you need to take a bath: I don't want to catch tetanus!"
Jonathan (after Trinity has bathed in a tub): I haven’t seen so much filth since the Pecos overflowed!
Bambino: And our mother?
Trinity: The usual, she has some aches!
Bambino (trying to remove the bullet from the Mexican's arm): ...where the hell is it?
Trinity: In New Orleans, running a brothel...
Bambino: I was talking about the bullet!
Bambino: First: if I'm sleeping and I'm woken up suddenly, I feel like crying. Second: when I feel like crying, I get angry. Third: when I get angry, I get up, get down, and become unbearable.
Gunslinger: Well then don't cry!
Bambino: A destroyed warehouse, two heads cracked like pumpkins in the sun, one injured man, and a castrated man: all in two hours, two hours I left you alone! Two hours!
Trinity: Well... didn't you ask me to lend you a hand?
Trinity: Well, when they said I’m the son of an old hag...
Bambino: But it's true!
Trinity: Yes, but she’s not old...
Bambino: Put it however you want Major, this is the last warning for you and your chicken thieves.
Major's Henchman: What did you say?
Bambino (after loading the rifle): Chicken thieves.
Major's Henchman: Ah...
Trinity: Oh, listen, to deal with the major I thought...
Bambino: You don't think, I'm the one who thinks!
Trinity: That's exactly what I was thinking!
Bambino: You wash yourself, sleep, and tomorrow you leave.
Trinity: We'll talk about it later...
Bambino: No! We've already discussed it!
Major: There's a foot soldier too many here.
Trinity: No, there's a major too many here...
Bambino (to Trinity): You're worse than yellow fever in a leper colony.
Trinity: Bye Bambino, hope to see you soon.
Bambino: I don’t!
Tobia: Hello brothers
Bambino: Hello…
(then turning to Trinity) did you tell them we’re brothers?
Trinity: Me? Never even met him!
Tobia: It's the Lord who sends you!
Bambino: No, we were just passing by...
Judith: From my womb you'll have warmth to heat your blood...
Sarah: From my bosom, you'll sip the nectar to quench your thirst...
Tobia: So said Ezekiel.
Trinity: Eh, and he said it well!
Trinity: They seemed like two scared fawns...
Bambino: ...Two scared fawns! Maybe they were two hags looking for customers!
Trinity: If you help me take out the major, I'll get married...
Bambino: Swear it on our mother!
Trinity: May she burn in the brothel with all her girls if I lie!
Tobia: Brother, see what faith can do?
Bambino: It can work miracles especially if you put it in a gun barrel!
Tobia: Thank you, Lord...
Bambino: Ahh, never mind.
Tobia: ...I was giving thanks to the Lord, sheriff.
Bambino: Oh well...
Tobia: We do not fear him, the Lord is on our side.
Trinity: Yes, but he goes around unarmed too, and won't be of great help... Listen, I think the Lord won't mind if you defend yourselves...
Tobia: But we can't kill our own kind!
Trinity: But those aren't your own kind, they’re bastards, you can't keep turning the other cheek forever...
Tobia: We accept what the Lord sends us!
Trinity: Well, if he sent us two or three skilled gunmen, we could take them out one by one...a little at a time, of course!
Emiliano (a spy): Emiliano doesn’t talk…
(the gun is shoved up his nose by Bambino)
Emiliano says everything (Bambino wipes the gun dirty from Emiliano's snot on his clothes)
Bambino: Listen Emiliano, would you do us a favor in exchange for your filthy hide?
Emiliano (a spy): Claro que sí, hombre.
Bambino: Good, Emiliano!
Tobia: Welcome brother. What good wind?
Trinity: Well, it wasn’t really the wind, I was passing by and thought I’d come to greet you before leaving.
Jonathan: I couldn't leave him in town, he has a habit of telling the truth... he’s a typical alcoholic.
Bambino: I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at our mother, I don't understand why she didn’t drown you when you were in swaddling clothes and she was bathing you, but maybe she never bathed you: which is why you're a dirty son of an old...
Tobia: Don’t get upset, sheriff, it was written!
Bambino: One moment: to hell with you, your brothers, your sisters, your ancestors, your cows, your destiny, and everything else.
There's nothing more to add to describe this memorable and timeless spaghetti western; even if, given how things have turned out, it would be more accurate to call it a bean western...
Yes, one could add that this 1970 film is the first of the Hill-Spencer duo where fistfights replace gunshots and become definitively their trademark, after the previous "traditional" western trilogy (more or less) "God Forgives... I Don't!" (1967), "Ace High" (1968), and "Boot Hill" (1969); or that E.B. Clucher is only the pseudonym of director Enzo Barboni; or again, that the soundtrack, composed by Franco Micalizzi for the musical commentary and British singer-songwriter Lally Stott for the lyrics of "Trinity", contributed significantly to the (great) success of the film and that the famous whistle was also done by the same whistler of Sergio Leone's films (and you can tell!), namely Maestro Alessandro Alessandroni, and so on. But these are things everyone knows, and thus it doesn't seem the case to list them, maybe boring you...
Enjoy the viewing! (P.S.: naturally, this invitation is addressed to those daring souls who haven't seen it yet).
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