Cancer Bats
Bears, Mayors, Scraps and Bones

THE REVIEW

To get you to understand how this album is without too much beating around the bush, I just need one question: have you ever had your nipples pulled and then twisted? 

Well, this album is similar: it stimulates the sadomasochist within us. In my opinion, a good metal album should be just like this: no frills, angry, sweaty, mosh-inducing, and raw as hell. I may be a purist, but in my view, when someone starts showing off how good they are at playing all possible and imaginable scales, it’s no longer "metal" as in metal, like a bar I dream of smashing against your teeth. 

It's not that there aren't any great technical demonstrations here, but they are more focused on anthropophagic composition than on double-handed shaving. Take "Trust No One": it has such a killer riff that if you hear it when you're drunk enough, you'll at least feel like breaking coconuts with your elbows. And "Doomed To Fail"? Where do you put "Doomed To Fail" with this voice that shifts from "ashtray swallowed" tone to "tracheotomy" tone through to "apathetically lobotomized"? Not to mention "Fake Gold" with its chorus seemingly designed to make you scream like a maniac, evoking the wrath of your neighbors. Or the heavy, almost stoner onion soup of "Raised Rights". Another wonderful thing about this album with its mile-long title is its truly rich, succulent homogeneity, where you don't realize when they switch from one track to another, but all the better because you don’t stop moshing against the bedroom wall, gradually giving it that artistic concavity you so desired.

In short, it’s a great metal/hardcore album that, with its precision and conciseness, should be taught to young folks eager to be "powa" who might, unfortunately, due to their inexperience, often end up with trash believing they’ve acquired the cream of the crop. This doesn’t mean it's just for youngsters (let’s say it’s a metal album for "young and old"); in fact, don’t you occasionally hear the singer doing vocals à la Alec Empire? And then that final track there? "Sabotage" it’s called.... Ah yes: an ultra-badass cover of a butt-kicking Beastie Boys track!!

Which then, honestly, what do these Canadians have to be so pissed at the world with their great social security, government subsidies for bands, and clean streets? Well, sure, sure, it's obvious, these Canadians do it because they are so civilized and polite they write great angry songs to sing even for us who have less: they're humanitarian. Long live Canada, then! Long live this excellent metal album that doesn’t ask for permission to be metal: it just does it with 14 substantial songs that simply bring pleasure by flooring the ignorance pedal.

GO FOR HEADBANGING!!!

SdOoOong!

Ouch! damn, that hurts... well, let me put on some Vivaldi, shall I?