Barry White
All Time Greatest Hits

THE REVIEW

There are songs that were somehow created for some moments in the life of a human being. Songs to wake up in the morning, to take a shower, songs for breakfast, songs for when you're stuck in traffic, for when you lie on the couch as soon as you get home. There are songs that know how to create the right atmosphere, and maybe that's why they were written. For some moments, perhaps they are relative to each of our musical tastes, but for others they are absolute. For example, when you smoke a joint in your Trusted Social Center (Bob Marley), smoke a bit of salvia divinorum (Pink Floyd all the way) or to recover from a hangover (Jeff Buckley/Led Zeppelin III). But the most successful "atmospheric" songs in my opinion, and correct me if I'm wrong, were written by a man who had a noble purpose: to give the world music meant for making love.

And I'm not saying to screw, but to make love. There's a reason: my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and after about the first three months I got tired of making sweet love to her. Initially, it became passionate, then gradually more and more aggressive until it turned into downright violent sex, with scratches, screams that made the neighbors upstairs' skin crawl, bites, handcuffs.. and all strictly with the lights on. Maybe it was because her folks were always home or because my car wasn't too big (it was impossible to do missionary without collapsible seats) but we always made do with fogged windows (half an hour to clear them!), the cold caught from going out still sweaty in winter nights, the police constantly checking on us, and the peepers (when we went to the middle of the fields). This, even though she didn't know it, was killing our romance. What?!? You might ask, romance! The natural glue, the sentimental resin that keeps a couple united until death do them part. You know when a man performs an unselfish gesture towards his woman (like giving her a 69-carat diamond) as if to tell her "I don't care about your body; I want your spirit because I feel so good with you?" Well, that's romance (for a woman), because we guys know well that the gesture is NEVER unselfish, and what does the diamond have to do with the spirit.. well, only God knows.

Anyway, instead of spending 5,000 euros (which I don't have) on a "Solitaire," I decided to surprise her with an equally romantic and less expensive gesture: a candlelight dinner and midnight bath in a Jacuzzi full of fragrant essences and rose petals. Since my house doesn't have a hot tub, I had to wait for my parents to go out this weekend to see the Christmas markets in Brunico (I still haven't figured out whether it's in Italy or Austria). Having access to the free house, I procured from a friend of mine who deals in goods all the things I needed: aphrodisiac oils and essences, already-used scented candles to show it wasn't a new thing, books on stimulating massages, and a Barry White CD "ALL TIME - Greatest Hits." Now the atmosphere was all set.

Before going to pick her up from her house, I turn on the CD and let it play for 3-4 times in a row (about 4 and a half hours), then I light the candles, set the lights dim, and so when we enter, she almost faints from the emotion, then she watches me prepare dinner (girls love it), and with calculated gestures, I throw down 90 grams each of saffron spaghetti.. we eat by candlelight, joke mischievously, overdo it with wine (Asti), and then I surprise her with Creme Caramel, which, I say, I made myself (pity there was still the pastry shop label on it..). In the meantime, the music does its job, sweetening the evening like a flow of honey on my woman's body: sexy and provocative.

"Love's Theme" is the theme of the De Filippi's program, "I'm Gonna Love You Just A Little More" is warm and languid, "I've Got So Much To Give" makes us undress by candlelight, during "Never, Never Gonna Give Ya Up" which you all know, we are immersed in the white foam of the tub, with "Can't Ya See Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe" I massage her back from behind while we smoke a digestive joint.. we're soaking while the music cradles us, and she tickles my neck.. "You're The First, The Last, My Everything", "Don't Make Me Wait Too Long" and "It's Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next To Me" are like a lullaby, which however awakens the senses, we get up and dry ourselves, while the CD restarts along with our desire, we move to the couch but end up in no time on the carpet, with her on top setting the pace, exhausting, slow, I can't resist, it's worse than torture, but the pleasure intensifies with the pain, we remain entwined in a slow and incessant dance, the fronts reverse, the moans are imperceptible, but not to us.. "Your Sweetness Is My Weakness" suddenly speeds up the rhythm, "Just The Way You Are" closes in a crescendo and.. like in a pink-light film we remain embraced, lying on the couch, completely satisfied, both of us, almost simultaneously as "Satin Soul" closes the 65 minutes of our romantic love..

In the meantime, I remember, she said to me "With this music, I can't go faster" and I, while trying to hold myself back, said "it doesn't matter baby, I like it this way..". Then, after drinking half a liter of water each to reintegrate lost fluids, I put on Aerosmith (to dissolve the atmosphere) and we go to sleep in my bed while I hug her from behind, until dawn, meaning for 3 hours.

Steven Tyler was right when he said in an old issue of Rolling Stone: "put a guy and a girl in a room with sexy music and the two can't help but make love"

Great Barry White, now I owe him a favor. As for you, what are the songs that rule your life? and above all, what do you listen to while making love? ah, I said making love, not screwing.