Avril Lavigne
The Best Damn Thing

THE REVIEW

One fine day, while watching TV, I came across a beautiful ringtone commercial with three chicks dancing to the rhythm of the famous "Girlfriend" from this album... leaving the music aside for now, I wonder how a young girl who writes and sings—"Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend! No way! No way! I think you need a new one! Hey! Hey! You! You!..." and goes on with endless nonsense, could sell millions upon millions of records when infinitely more talented artists have starved all their lives (Mother Love Bone, the early Clash, Sex Pistols...)... but that's the least of it, because what I'm writing is less of a review than an invitation to reflect.

I may be presumptuous and I apologize especially to those who bought the CD and consider it a masterpiece (I'm not being ironic!), but I want to ask you what you like about Avril Lavigne. She's cute, nice, young and she seems to know it all, okay, but what is she selling you? Teenage dramas and unrequited love, teasing from boys? Very well, but what does she play? How does she write? I'm not trying to be a critic who bashes something already heavily tested by negative reviews, but if you MTV Generation would just detach yourself from the TV and its commercial dictates, you would discover a world, musical and otherwise, that would amaze you. I'm not an old grumbler, I'm 22 like Avril and I ask you to open your eyes and ears.

After this beautiful preamble, let's move on to the actual review... How does the album sound? Magnificent! From the audio perspective and the calibration of the bass and voice it's perfect... What, you say? You're not interested in the technical features of the mastering? You want to know what I think of the music? Well then... it's all exactly the same as the other albums, singles like those of Britney Spears with a guitar, childish lyrics, rhythms and music as plasticized and prepackaged as even in the worst of tackiest dance records...Just the first single, "Girlfriend", is enough to make you shiver, with cliches more than overused of fake heavy guitars sped up by overdubbing and sing-songy voice with an unbearable accent to cover and embitter a stream of pure treacle! The other songs are all the same and very boring...

The thing that pisses me off the most is that the young lady, quite arbitrarily, has declared herself the "punk princess"...Question? What's punk about her attitude? Nothing! She rides around in Volvo SUVs, delights us with late-teen lyrics that even the Plastiscines wouldn't dare, shoots videos on enormous budgets, and above all, the music isn't punk. It's a mix of college rock and pop that goes nowhere, because true pop is that of Depeche Mode, Madonna, Robbie Williams, Elton John, not this colossal crap. The only poetess and princess of punk is and always will be Patti Smith, and forgive me if that's not much.

If you like strong women, then, dear young ladies between the ages of 13 and 18 who listen to her, buy albums that are a bit older but definitely more meaningful like those by Slits, Donnas (although these are a bit too mainstream), Hole, and Patti Smith. These dear and lovely women really had something to say, and theirs was real music and truly punk. I don't even know how to classify this album, it deserves less than nothing, but since I'm kind, let's settle for a 1... how sad... Hey! Ho! Let's go!