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Hollywood just can't resist the allure of the asylum™, a well-known company that has been bringing joy to Christian Democrat families worldwide for more than 10 years now. After all, their goal is to create the alternative Blockbuster, breaking all logical/humanistic rules.
Filmmakers like Peter Jackson, Guy Ritchie, Roland Emmerich, James Cameron, Ron Howard, Steven Spielberg, and other amateurs that I won't even bother listing have shamelessly copied the masterworks from Arkham...ahem, Asylum, damn it! But I NEVER thought that a promising Spanish director could plagiarize a cinema cult like Atlantic Rim, perhaps the best robot film since the Power Rangers. But Mr. Del Toro, after selling his soul to Hollywood for a triple whoopper, conceived this nerdy dream of his with a very...familiar name.
After catching out gulliermo, let's enjoy this magnificent film that was unjustly snubbed from the nominations, shame on you, academy! Oh, yes, there are HEAVY spoilers, but I won't ruin much for you :-D
The secret of omnipotence is a knor broth " anonymous sayan"
In the collective imagination of Asylum, sea monsters and other haphazardly placed beasts (like supercroc) have become the norm, so if at the beginning of the movie a massive disaster occurs because of a...dragon-thing #whateveritis, don't worry: robots are always perfect in the mix!
Our beloved Ammerigah heroes, who look more like power rangers straight out of '90s TV shows and who act like chubby bikers, will have to stop this very mysterious assault with the help of the western evas: the muthaphuckin' MEGAZORD remastered™ version, but we're still talking about INOX robots.
The u.s army team or whatever it is, by the way, includes the participation of two legends, Big Boss and Mago zurlì 120 kilos heavier, who rightly cancel the operation when the mecha are in the ocean depths leaving the poor unsuccessful tronisti to their sad fate. Logical as eating your own tapeworms...
But the fortune of the little losers ensures that the robots have missiles up their backsides and CJ's jetpack or similar stuff. They resurface happy and content, destroying a lovely building of about 600 people along the way. But who cares, after all, the one who made this beautiful disaster will be rewarded by Captain Zurlì! Kinda reminds me of Italian law, this thing...
After an exhausting dance between two of Maria's friends (the worst dance in history after Billy Ballo's), the shit-saurus eggs hatch, so our favorite tronisti will have to take them down again. Let's bask in glory with the chicks afterward!
But the stupidest thing right now would be to launch a nuclear charge on Manhattan as if nothing happened, killing millions of New York rapper niggaz. And, but come on??? Yes, they really do (sigh)...
After finding more weapons hidden in the INOX asses of the mecha, the tronisti save the beautiful Asylum™ world and, well... they all lived screwed and happy.
Well, I’ve spoiled the worst movie in history for you; I can die happy. But I'm not the only one who does these stupid things, fortunately. Summing up:
-plot: nice/10
-hairstyles: 11/10
-special effects: amiga/10
-Chicks: abundant
Final score: mmmh, better not to vote here....
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