Arctic Monkeys
Discografia

A few years ago, I can't remember exactly how many, an interesting article came out on Noisey about how the various phases in the Arctic Monkeys' career have been marked by the different hairstyles adopted by their singer, the flamboyant dandy crooner Alex Turner. Much respect for the imaginative theory, but I simply think that the variations in sound and aesthetics experienced by the band from Sheffield along their discography can be explained by analyzing just one aspect, which is the evolution of Turner's lust. Soon it will all be clear, let's go in order:

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (2006) - Here Alex is still an awkward, pimpled English lad who is a fan of the Strokes and, clearly, still lacking the slightest sentimental-sexual experience. It's not a problem; soon the ladies will arrive in packs, but in AM's first album, Woman is a kind of unattainable and untouchable entity, a distant goddess with doe eyes and a knockout body, to be adored melancholically while on the dance floor she is picked up by inexplicably ugly, crude, and insensitive men – and with terrible musical tastes. Alex is obviously cute, smart, and sensitive, and listens to the Strokes, yet he doesn't get laid, from here the tremendous sexual frustration that will lead him to write incel anthems like I Bet You Look Good on The Dancefloor and Dancing Shoes, which will soon become British rock classics.

Favourite Worst Nightmare (2007) - The success of the first album brought a lot of money and, understandably, a lot of ladies. It is even rumored that Kate Moss expressed a desire to go out with the young Turner, a desire, however, denied by his mother. Despite the oceans of adoring fans at his disposal, Alex, faithful to his moody and languid temperament, enters his "literature student" phase, and indeed the second Arctic Monkeys album is born from the frontman's passion for cultured and sophisticated women, with a noir soul, passionate about nouvelle vague and expressionist painting. From here onward, albeit intermittently, that type of ladies will never stop wetting the dreams of the AM leader.

Humbug (2009) - Just look at the long hair flaunted by the band, listen to the dark sound of the songs, and read the lyrics of Dangerous Animals and The Jeweller's Hand to understand that with this album Alex is venturing into the world of BDSM, and here the obsession becomes only one: the panther-woman in latex and stiletto heels, the dominatrix in the chambers of the night.

Suck It and See (2011) - It's 2011, and the Tumblr-girl portrayed in faded polaroid photos, American Apparel outfits, and Dr. Martens boots defines the prototype of the cool and desirable girl. Obviously, Alex Turner falls for it without the slightest resistance, and that's how an album like "Suck It And See" is born, with such a brazen title, with the confidence of being a talented and handsome indie-rocker, and with the desire to speed on a motorcycle under the open sky of California, hair in the wind and the arms of a fabulous hipster model wrapped around his waist. Let's say it's a very aesthetic, idealized phase of Turner's relationship with women; the dream precedes reality, hence perhaps the urgent need to cut his hair and slick it back, adopting for the first time the persona of the virile rock star, which will yield countless memes and immeasurable amounts of ladies for the singer.

AM (2013) - The transition from leather jackets to virgin wool suits also defines Alex Turner's transition from internet models to runway supermodels. The new album acquires a solid, sexy, self-assured sound, Do I Wanna Know? becomes a kind of Sexy Back of indie music, and Alex's appeal among under 25s reaches scorching levels of passion, so much so that the singer emerges that year as the ultimate heartthrob of alternative rock. It's a period that to define as anything less than "stellar" would be an injustice: everything is extraordinarily well, the music is beautiful, the money is plentiful, and the ladies are elegant, high-profile, and madly, totally, utterly crazy about Alex.

Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino (2018) - It's likely that in 2016, on tour with the Last Shadow Puppets, Alex saw so many ladies that he almost tired of it. For two years, nothing more is known about him until 2018, when he emerges from silence with a slow rock and lounge album; in photos, he appears with beige jackets, tweed pants, and a cacophonic goatee on his chin. It's clearly the look of someone who can afford to harm his appearance because the ladies still come anyway. But in this phase, Alex seems truly disconnected from the earth, tuned into cinematic vibes, distant analog Hollywood eras where a Cadillac and a make-out session on the hill, in the moonlight, were all a young man could ask of life. Between sunglasses, caravans, and fantasies of stardom, the actress with retro charm, à la Audrey Hepburn, becomes the recipient of desire that is no longer physical, but sheer infatuation, evanescence, spiritual connection. In this valley of tears that is life, Alex pines and kneels, sings and sings and sings and sings sweetly again, lying down on the carpet and burning, swollen with a romanticism that belongs to no one but himself.

The Car (2022) - 35 years old and 35 mm, tape recorder and lines of coke, Alex seems increasingly lost among the windy boulevards of misunderstood stardom. While waiting to listen to the new album, the actress of the past as an archetype continues to be the muse of increasingly mystical and unresolved music. That he's getting laid is beyond doubt, but it's unclear whether it's out of desire or to explore all the nuances of the concept of desire. Like a Howard Hughes now satisfied with the resounding experiences of life and having withdrawn into his ultra-millionaire solitude, Alex Turner grows more distant from experience with each passing day, swaying the wrong way on the train of thoughts.