Andreas Martens
Cromwell Stone 2017

<< Cromwell Stone for f***'s sake, Cromwell Stone >>, exclaims the badass soldier Blain with emphasis. << Mmh!! >> He brings the comic book under the chin of the black Sergeant Mac, squeezing it energetically in his hand. Mac looks up for a moment, uninterested, and continues to shave his already shaven beard. Even the hot-tempered Billy the Indian doesn't seem interested. 🎼 Uuuh yeeeh baby!!, uuh uuh baby!!... The helicopter continues flying towards the target, wobbling a bit left and right.

<< Take it!! >> << Get this stinking crap out from under my nose, Blain >>, retorts Poncho. << I'm surrounded by a bunch of limp-wristed wimps, this comic would turn you into super-sized tyrannosaurs, like me! >> << And I bet this Bazooka in the ass would rinse you off. >> Haah aah aah!! Vituperio appears before Major Dutch, flaunting confidence... << we've already been introduced, blockhead >>, yells the Major sarcastically. << Already, that's true, you know, after all, I have a certain nostalgia for these things... >> << you were never a top. Come on, let's hurry; we're under the landing point. >>

🚨 Buup 🚨 Buup 🚨 Buup 🚨 Buup 🚨

V. E. I. R. L.

Vituperio and the raunchy tales.

Andreas Martens was born on January 3, 1951, in Weissenfels (former East Germany). Since childhood, he showed an innate inclination for ultra-detailed drawing. Andreas' father, I don't remember his name anymore, quickly noticed his son's talent during a middle school teachers' meeting... << Good evening professor Otto, how does my son Andreas manage in your class? >> << Good evening Mr. Martens. Oh yes, your son, Andreas is cerebrally handicapped, accept it and judging by how he talks I'd dare say: "like father, like son". >>

The poor Martens thus continued to receive an endless barrage of insults aimed at him and for having unfortunately fathered such an ameba of a son. The father's woes ended when he was received by Rudolf Schmidt, an art professor. << Your son is a genius, believe me, Martens, not that overrated crap Andy Warhol... trust me, let him continue his studies. What happened? Do you feel well, would you like a glass of water? >> << Thank you, I'd be grateful, professor! >> << No problem, here you go, so nothing to say, aren't you happy? >>

<< I am, I am professor... why do you speak like this? >> << No. >> << Last night Andreas drew a pussy on the stove... >> did you get it, friends? Anyway, let's continue with the review, Andreas continued his studies and in 1982 wrote and illustrated the first volume of the Cromwell Stone trilogy, which was completed in 2002. We don't know what profession "Stone", the protagonist probably the kept man, pursued, but the fact is that one day he decided to embark on a ship bound for the Americas but unfortunately a mutiny by the crew, due to the disappearance of a mysterious artifact stolen on board, forced Cromwell to abandon the ship with an emergency lifeboat together with the famous Jack Farley, Gordon Globe, Houston Crow, etc.

The intricate story... << what the hell... I see the light, oooooooohhh!!! I've had an epiphany, the general theory of relativity is wrong, Einstein didn't know... couldn't understand. Quantum mechanics doesn't count... the infinitely small or large means nothing, they cannot capture... in the beginning, it wasn't the "point" where all matter was originally compressed, the Big Bang, the explosion didn't occur. >>

<< Now I understand everything, spirit and energy fused together created that colossal slimeball of the "creator" who gave life to other creators, galaxies, stars, planets... >> but suddenly...

<< Hey asshole (mysterious entity) listen to this, the boyfriend to his girlfriend. Do you want a small, small bird? No!! What would I do with another one. >> << But, but...(Vituperio dumbfounded). >> << He meant a real bird but she rather... aaah aaah see you, moron. >>

Enough, I give up. Rating: 3.5/5.