"Talk to Bartolo" is Debaser's new space: did the woman leave you? Is your tuft no longer in shape? Is the world a big conspiracy? Do you think you are a battery in the buttocks of the pink Duracell bunny? Uncle Boom has got you covered!
"Talk to Bartolo" is a space where a stoney can finally confess to being a loafer!
"Talk to Bartolo" is also a pink desk for all Debaser women who have been harassed in chat by Blechapitombolo with naughty emoticons.
"Talk to Bartolo" is whatever you want it to be.
Because "Talk to Bartolo" IS you.
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Here are some of the trickiest cases solved so far thanks to the valuable advice from “TalkToBartolo”:
I would like a consultation from TalkToBartolo on how to avoid stalkers! And how to avoid losing the immaculate anal virginity because of them. With trust, T
Dear T.. I read your letter with deep interest and a touch of concern. If nothing else because, nowadays, anal virginity is really outdated. In any case, my advice is undoubtedly to replace your bicycle seat with a 1:5 scale model of the Eiffel Tower and, therefore, boldly face a long and rough dirt road. This way you will avoid losing your anal virginity because of stalkers, and they will get it where it hurts. To tell the truth, you will get it there too, but what a satisfaction, right?!?
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Dear TalkToBartolo, Blechtrommel cheats on me with practically all the DeBaser women (and men). Or he cheats all the DeBaser women (and men) with me. How can I fix this unpleasant situation? Thanks and a kiss – Flo
Dear Flo, I read your letter with deep interest and a touch of concern. If nothing else because it confirms that Blechamioncino is the main cause of sexually transmitted venereal diseases among Debaserians, right after the Punisher's broadcasts. My advice is definitely to rely on the teachings of the scholar R. Carrà who, in her well-known essay "Tanti Auguri," literally says: "How nice it is to make love from Trieste downwards, the important thing is to always do it with whoever you want, and if they leave you you know what to do? find another, more handsome one, who has no problems." Well, for instance, I wouldn't have any big problems this Friday: shall I come over at eight?!?
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Dear Dr. Bartolo, my son is still a virgin and doesn’t want to see a woman even with binoculars. He stays home all day listening to absurd and boring music, watching absurd and boring movies, and reading absurd and boring books. Or at least that's what he tells me, because every time I enter his room he has his pants down and is all sweaty. I don’t know what to do and I’m afraid since lately he really likes these Throbbing Gristle, I wouldn’t want him to become like Genesis P-Orridge. I’m desperate doctor, what should I do?"
Dear Madam. I read your letter with deep interest and a touch of concern. Let’s recap: still a virgin, absurd and boring music, absurd and boring movies, absurd and boring books, pants down and sweat… well… well… MOM!!! I’ve already told you: I wasn’t doing anything wrong! I was just checking the labels on the underwear because they were bothering me!
