ChuckNorris

DeRank ™: 0,42 • DeAge™ : 6400 days

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  • Here since 4 february 2008

He's tough! He's great! He's a legend! His first name is: CHUCK! His last name is: NORRIS! His tax code is: CHKNRR75H04D969G! His way of earning a living is a shabby TV show on Rete 4 called: WALKER TEXAS RANGER!! Open your ears, assholes! Here are his heroic deeds:

  • Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake as a condom!

  • Aliens exist: they're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack!

  • Chuck Norris was supposed to be a character in the videogame Strip Fighter 2, but he was removed from the game because every button still made him do a spinning roundhouse kick! When asked about this bug, Chuck couldn't explain it, but he hit the interviewer with a roundhouse kick..!

  • Chuck Norris once climbed to the top of a high mountain, then spat a wad of tobacco down… that's how the Grand Canyon was created!

  • Chuck Norris is never thirsty: when he drinks, it's only to balance out the planet's humidity level, through sweat…

  • When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it's not because he's gay, but because he's run out of women!

  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books: he just stares at them until he gets the information he needs!

  • If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he’ll answer: "Two more seconds!" After asking, "Two more seconds for what??" He hits you with a spinning roundhouse kick!

  • Chuck Norris uses stimulating condoms inside out: that way, he’s the one who enjoys it!

  • Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, deaths caused by spinning roundhouse kicks have increased by 13,000%!

  • There are no disabled people: only people who have met Chuck Norris!

  • Once, people thought Chuck Norris lost a fight against a pirate, but it's actually fake news created by Chuck Norris himself to attract more pirates to him!

  • Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the extra point in a football game. Because the ball was flat, he convinced the referees to let him kick a three-month-old baby instead! Chuck sent him flying 60 meters beyond the field, then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium!

  • When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey on Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry, honey." He went out to the backyard, came back five minutes later with a live turkey, swallowed it whole, and when he pulled it out a few seconds later, it was fully cooked in cranberry sauce! When his wife asked for an explanation, Chuck hit her in the face with a roundhouse kick and declared: "Never argue with Chuck Norris!"

  • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer! The problem is, he has never cried…

  • The names that roll at the end of an episode of Walker Texas Ranger aren’t the credits; they're actually the list of people who were hit in the face with a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris that day!

  • Chuck Norris once delivered a roundhouse kick so fast that his foot surpassed the speed of light, went back in time, and killed the entire Persian army standing before Marathon!

  • Instead of coming into the world like a normal baby, Chuck Norris decided to punch his way out of the womb! Shortly after, he grew a beard…

  • Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil, in exchange for rugged good looks and incomparable martial arts skill. Immediately after closing the deal, Chuck hit the devil in the face with a roundhouse kick and took his soul back. The devil, who is famously fond of irony, admitted his mistake and said he should have dodged the blow instead of letting his guard down! Now the pair meets up for poker every second Wednesday of the month…

  • A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles." Chuck Norris didn't answer; he just stared at the man until he exploded!

  • Chuck Norris recently came up with the idea of selling his urine as a canned drink. The name of the beverage is: Red Bull!

  • Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasm simply by pointing at her and saying: "Ravanello!"

  • Chuck Norris doesn't sleep: he waits!

  • Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane by pointing at it and shouting: Bang! Then he had the black box for breakfast!

  • After careful analysis, President Thruman chose to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima instead of sending in Chuck Norris. The reason was that it was considered the more humane solution!

  • Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he hits them with a roundhouse kick to the abdomen. Then, he farts.

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