Xavier Dolan
Laurence Anyways

What does it mean to truly love a person? Is it possible to continuously and day after day love the same person, to keep doing it over the years, even when this person is far away? Can this really be called love?

I have loved a woman more than anything else in the world. Her name was... Her name is Chiara. We met in 2006 and were together twice. Between the first and the second time, five years passed during which she neither wanted to see me nor hear from me. The second time ended four years ago. We never really broke up, but the matter fell into oblivion, as if we both... As if I finally understood that being with her was not possible. Because I loved her and maybe she loved me, certainly she cared for me, but I wasn't what she wanted.

I haven't seen her since then, I don't call her and I don't even contact her via email. I know she suffered because of me. With me, she was unhappy. I mean psychologically, and as a result physically as well. And that was a terrible thing. So, I am convinced that she is better off without me. As for me, maybe I have come to terms with it, maybe not. I don't want to get back with her. I don't think so. It will never happen. Yet even now, I think about her every day of my life.

When I've been attracted to other girls, it's always been a disaster. I can't say it's because of Chiara, it would be a kind of alibi. But I feel somehow invisible, it's like everything passes right through me and I can't truly grasp what's happening to me. As if I have completely lost myself.

With proper distinctions and a greater accuracy and wisdom from all the actors in explaining the different personal and interpersonal psychological dynamics, love and the search for oneself are the themes addressed in ‘Laurence Anyways,’ a French-Canadian dramatic film by the very young director (born in '89) Xavier Dolan. Released in 2012, the film was presented at the Cannes festival in the 'Un Certain Regard' section and won two awards: Suzanne Clement won the 'best actress' award, and the director Xavier Dolan won the 'Queer Palm.'

It is certainly an unconventional and very particular film, even before considering the plot, which spans a period of ten years with abrupt time jumps of three or four years at a time and occasional flashbacks; even before considering the plot, it is noteworthy for the modes of narration, at times hallucinatory with scenes of visionary and/or symbolic character; the atmospheres are colorful, loaded with strong and kaleidoscopic colors in moments of greatest passion, gray and autumnal in moments where the so-called 'normality' prevails over everything, particularly over the love of the two protagonists. Not secondary also the choices regarding the soundtrack. If the narration begins in the eighties and continues through the nineties, it should not be surprising the presence within the 'soundtrack' of tracks of bands like The Cure or Depeche Mode, up to those that can be defined as more commercial choices.

The film addresses a theme that might appear current for our country and beyond, namely that relating to unions between homosexual couples, but the story is actually much more complex and starts from the personal, reflects in society to return again in the private sphere where solutions are sought. Apparently in vain, although the protagonist himself at the end, during an interview, launches a positive message talking instead of 'hope' in change, of 'determination.'

We are in Canada and Laurence Alia, a teacher with a passion for writing, and Fred Belair, who works in the world of cinema, meet practically by chance. One could say that theirs is love at first sight and that their relationship is in some way perfect. They consider it special and therefore try to make every aspect of their union, which they consider something elevated, special, and things that others cannot understand. This is also due to the indifferent and distant attitude of their respective families, the general opposition of the environment around them, which appears to them aggressive and inhospitable, and at the same time somehow 'ordinary,' in the sense of low, vulgar, practically banal.

Everything in their relationship seems to be perfect, the two almost revel in this 'specialness' of theirs, until one day, exasperated by the long silence, Laurence declares to Fred his desire to be a woman. That he has always wanted to be a woman. He loves her, will continue to love her, and wants to continue to be with her, but at the same time feels he can no longer renounce being what he has truly wanted to be his whole life: a woman.

Fred is obviously shocked, thinks of leaving him and that a relationship of this kind could have no future, because society would surely have crushed them, but her love for Laurence is so strong that she decides not to give him up and indeed to support him in his choices, even when he starts to dress as a woman and as a result loses his job.

Things over time only get more complicated. Laurence is attacked and beaten on the street, and when they are in public places, they draw everyone's attention until, bombarded with questions by an elderly bartender, Fred, whose mental balance was already unstable, completely loses control and after a quarrel with Laurence and after betraying him, decides to leave him because she wants a ‘man’ by her side and falsely declares to him that she has fallen in love with someone else.

The fact that Laurence, at this point deeply hurt, is, anatomically remains a man, is entirely secondary to her. On the one hand, she loves him more than anything else in the world, on the other hand, the situation destabilizes her, makes her lose all security. He, however, as much as he loves her, is not willing to give in and be someone he does not want to be.

The story, the story of the film then becomes a continuous chasing of the two characters over the years. Who chase each other and at the same time chase, search for themselves, or perhaps just an idea of themselves, and always with Laurence's will to be special, that is to love, to be themselves completely beyond any convention.

It is a film with dramatic content and that more than addressing the theme of homosexuality in the strict sense, addresses existential themes and issues as they relate to the individual and how this relates within society.

Particular is the choice to make it last practically almost three hours. I can say, nonetheless, that I was never bored during the viewing, which offers new points of reflection from time to time. Simply memorable, although not awarded at Cannes, is the portrayal of Laurence by Melvil Poupaud, able to give the character a profound and convincing expressiveness in all situations and, all in all, the true cornerstone on which the entire film revolves. As if to say that perhaps he is the only true protagonist of the film and what happens is both, at the same time, cause and effect of his choices and his iron will to self-determine as an individual and in the search for himself. But isn't that the case for everyone after all? Shouldn't it be like that for everyone? Laurence is willing to suffer and give up the woman he loves just to be himself somehow, while Fred, although she does not give up loving him, cannot accept this determination of his to proceed in a direction that she evidently fails to comprehend. Apparently, neither of the two is willing to take a step towards the other. Where is the love in this? It's not visible, and yet it must be there.