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Rating: Guys, I did it!!! But what did I do? I managed to have a chat with one of the greatest living artists around. I mean, yes, you read that right, Ville Valo! The charismatic leader of the rock band HIM kindly engaged in a lively Q&A with your Sanjuro.
1) Sanjuro: Hi Ville, I've always had difficulty categorizing you into a specific genre, boxing you into dark wave, Bowie's decadent punk, or the radioactive impulses of an Iggy "Lizard" Pop; in short, let's face it, you surpass genre barriers, you're a kind of modern Frank Zappa, an upgrade of his freak metamorphic genius, right?
1) Ville Valo: Look Sanjuro, honestly I didn't understand a damn thing you said, and I don't have the time or desire to look up difficult terms in the dictionary. I'm busy with much more than this cheap critic chatter; I live art, I don't describe it. It's one thing to vivisect an album, another thing to make poetry. I composed a verse this morning, from my heart to the pen, from the pen to the paper that became animated, losing its inexpressive white purity. Buckle up, brother, "Our love is like a pole\But if you just look at me, I take flight\ I'm the handsome Valo who alone \ Can make you touch the sky starting from the ground." Don't you think it's one of my shamanic love metal hits? I've already contacted some girls under 12 to gauge the potential commercial power of this text, and the girls said YES.
2) Sanjuro: Haha, you're strong, brother! And that text will be a hit for the few. An elite hit, allow me the pun, Ville. Yes, because your music's main target is die-hard music lovers, those who aren't dazzled by passing pretty faces and blue eyes, right? That's at least what I've managed to grasp. It seems to me you have the motto "Creating art for art's sake" tattooed on your body (along with those dozen gothic crap that mar you from neck to ass) since you embarked on a music career, that's what I've inferred at least.
2) Ville Valo: What the hell are you talking about, SanjurO? Haha, but even the walls have understood that the HIM project is born for profit targeted at brainless little girls with hormones partying 365 days a year at birthday parties. I put on the whitish face and bothering anorexia, a suffering voice as if I were about to blow up the toughest of the earthly toilets with dynamite crap, those 4 useless henchmen toss in some 20-year-old dark music sullied over the years, and we're rich, Baby!
3) Sanjuro: To deceive your fans so blatantly, it's terrible!
3) Ville Valo: Yeah, but what isn't nowadays?
4) Sanjuro: You're right too. I wanted to make a small criticism of your group, if you'll allow me. In your Greatest Hits, the name HIM appears but only your face is on the cover: don't you think that a group made up of various people who compose the music should all be included on the cover with you? I mean, have you ever seen a THE DOORS album with only Jim Morrison, or a Led Zeppelin album with only Robert Plant? It sounds so much like a publicity stunt aimed at silly black-clad Sunday girls.
4) Ville Valo: Haha, now you're starting to understand, Sanjuro :) That's right, I'm glad you're beginning to get into the mental mechanisms of HIM production, you're a bit less stupid than I thought. The full name would have been HIMB, an acronym for "Ho inculato milioni di Babbei" (I've screwed millions of suckers). Haha. I'll tell you an anecdote to understand the concept we have about art. Let's see... how to start... My henchmen and I were recording an album, one of those similar tear-jerking crap for twelve-year-olds just starting out on French kissing, well we had a Casino next to our recording studio. Las Vegas. So during the recordings, we were all excited to finish those crap with our nuclear balls songs, to trade them for the lights and the shitty VIP life that we can now afford as a rock band. What did we do, handsome Sanjuro? Handsome no, handsome is me, you are a sewer rat shit mixed with trash. Well, what did we do Sanjuro? We recorded the musical parts as quickly as possible to indulge ourselves in evenings at the casino, spending our shitty money as a useless and very banal rock band like there are so many. Aren't we strong?
5) Sanjuro: You and your henchmen are amazing!! Yes yes, ehmm, great artists. Now that we've discussed the artistic caliber of your crucial rock band, let's do some gossip. After all this philosophy infusion you've expressed in your answers, I must ask you the question. Ville Valo and women. How many follow you with those sparkling eyes of yours?
5) Ville Valo: Look, you're opening a chapter of my life that hurts me deeply. I have thousands of fans, but none of them are over 18 years old, I always have three cops on my tail to prevent me from committing carnal acts with my pupils. The other day I turned on the comp and entered the chat of my official site: a funeral. The oldest ones were DarkAngel93 - Iosonodark95 - KitKat92 and Califano91 (I prefer not to talk about the latter). Now I understand when at my 18th birthday my parents said, "Now you're responsible for what you do" they were undoubtedly alluding to carnal relationships with minors. Ah, I must leave you now, Sanjuro, I have to pollinate other idiots by signing autographs at Disneyland. Your questions sucked almost more than your face.
Conclusions: Why conclude and not let Ville's words resonate in our hearts? I do it, and you?
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