AA.VV.
Festival della Canzone Italiana: prima (e per me ultima) serata

Nicky Nicolai: I missed her, but I don't think I missed much. I imagine that her highlight was those ten seconds when she shows her tonsils worldwide while inside that kind of mouth, the timer sounds indicating the four-cheese pizza is ready to be served.

Dolcenera: Decent piece, the voice is there as we knew, but her look like a battered junkie doesn't make her so attractive compared to someone like Irene Grandi, for example. And then she drove poor Bac, Francesco Baccini, one of the few contemporary songwriters I used to like, crazy. I will never forgive her for that.

Noa and quartet, or quintet, certainly not sextet because she's flat: She's so ugly that even making her out of clay wouldn't turn out worse, and she also has that little nose that disturbs me just thinking about having to give her my flesh microphone one day... she'd chip it. what pain. A song that never takes off, unfinished, a shame because she deserved more.

Povia: Predictably, he makes a bad copy (musically speaking) of the piece that made him famous. As for the lyrics, he seems to want to build a career based on metaphors full of almost childlike disillusions, this time about pigeons blah blah blah blah. Makes you want to say, "Do you know what rhymes with pigeon? It rhymes with you."

The kids from Scampia: Escape while you can (pun).

Ron: He has a future ahead of him like Bud Spencer. For the eyes that are increasingly becoming two slits. Standard Sanremo piece, he must be very appealing to women, but I'm not sure the interest is mutual.

Simona Bencini: At the beginning, she adjusts the microphone which I think is on her thong, and it's a bit better. Imagine if she had it in chinese balls. She does trills like Giorgia but her engine size is quite different. she lacks at least a few cylinders. Perfect for a mouthwash commercial.

Spagna: Perfect paired with Ron(f) for a remake of the "Thriller" video. Whiter than white. The piece doesn't seem bad, there are a few sensible lines. Unlike what I'm writing and what you're still reading despite the ungodly hour. Don't you have anything better to do?

Sugarfree: Proof that rehab often works. Too bad, the singer almost made it…

Mario (are you )Venuti (to do here) and company: Exactly.

Alex Britti: A piece that leans towards blues, but mostly towards being a pain in the neck.

Luca Dirisio: Nice wig, and more voice than I expected. He doesn't make a bad copy of that nerve-wracking "Ci vuole calma e sangue freddo", instead, he does something completely different. Well done, I believe that by the third interview at the sixth employment agency he might make it.

Anna Oxa: A woman of out-of-category beauty, at least for me, this time she transforms into a sort of Diamanda Galas and does a piece that has nothing to do with Sanremo. Too beautiful to belittle it in front of millions of disgusting people of whom half will be listening with one ear pointed at the TV and their mouths ingesting assorted disgusting junk. To me, it's inconceivable how one can present themselves like this in front of a noble art like music. When she came on stage I stopped the bicycle, turned off the lights, threw the bowl of profiteroles on the bed, cursed because my toast fell into the ketchup container and focused on her. I said it back in the days of Battisti and I repeat it: for me, Mogol, to Pasquale Panella, is at most a waiter. Since "Morirò d'amore" by Giuni Russo, I hadn't heard such a piece at Sanremo. Exceptional. In fact, in the provisional female category ranking she's last.

Anna Tatangelo: "Essere una donna", or rather that which... wishful thinking... wait and hope. She wants to look like Cat Power, but sensuality can't be bought at the supermarket. You know, pretty girl?

Nomadi: This could be the final blow for this seemingly endless group ordeal. Someone's got to tell them someday. Could millions of votes suffice? Because I have the suspicion (or rather, hope) that if they win Sanremo, then they'll really retire. I may be mundane, I may be nostalgic perhaps, I may certainly be a jerk, but since Augusto's departure, I don't think there will be any trace left of these self-righteous musicians.

Zero assoluto: Not bad, absolutely. I didn't know them, they seem decent and with a decent piece. From now on, I'll keep an eye on them.

Grignani: Help, he's becoming more and more like Vasco Rossizzando. He's terrifyingly put on weight, even if he hides it under loose clothes. The voice is now gone, the gaze somewhat clouded, the piece is typically his, from the arrangements onwards. A cameo, I don't think there will be any trace of him in this Sanremo. He's done some nice things in the past (a couple, roughly), I hope he doesn't throw it all away.

Zarrillo: He always has that air of a bad omen that keeps him at a safe distance from me. He has always written lyrics that I feel are underrated, sometimes he falls into frankly avoidable stereotypes, but his voice is a bit of a curse. And it makes all his pieces seem the same. Sanremo is his home, beyond that, who knows.

The young ones: Monia Russo (both she and her piece) seems slightly interesting, an eye on Ivan Segreto (whom I don't know, but from last night's medley, he seems to have something interesting) and on Deasonica (same goes), for the anticipated Cristicchi see Povia, everything else is monotony I didn't say joy (by the way: a salute to the monumental Califfo, who last year did what I thought was a great piece with tiromancino Zampaglione)

Panariello: If instead of the typical Tuscan accent he had mine, he would be working as a toll collector just like in the pre-Sanremo promos. Every now and then he becomes benign, partly for survival instinct, partly for professionalism.

Ilary Blasi: Whoa, a little breast! Panariello couldn't believe his eyes: among six women (well. women. that's debatable.) they made up three and a half breasts combined. But the little blonde is truly top-notch category (even though I've always preferred brunettes.). The redhead depresses me just looking at her, the classic model who has undergone the classic surgical removal of the soul procedure, the other two attempt seductive poses but it's not their forte. Girls, sensuality, if you’ve got it, truly comes out when you're not trying to be or especially to act sensual.

Victoria Cabello: Ugly like few others, nothing is in the right place, not even her haircut. she looks like Little Red Riding Hood doing an internship with the Ursulines. In my opinion, Giorgia Surina is in another class.

In conclusion, as the best song of Sanremo 2006, I will vote for: "Processo a me stessa" by Anna Oxa, all my life.

A few days later, at nightfall, I find myself with 15 euros in my wallet. What to do? I realize that with that amount I can:
- Treat myself to two pizzas in a row, but at that moment I'm not hungry
- Get one-third of a blowjob from the dark-haired queen of the alley
- Buy one-third of a Sanremo compilation, and with the leftover euros get two blank CDs for some friend who can burn the other two Sanremo 2006 CDs for me

Go with option three

After careful listening to the musical exploits contained in the CDs, I declare that:

- Maffoni, the winner of the newcomer category, should be packaged in the first freight train heading directly to Berlin. Either he comes back changed entirely, and maybe something good comes out, or he stays there forever, only remembered by his own for birthday wishes.
- The rating for the Nomadi's piece should be raised a bit
- The rating, but more importantly the thong, should be lowered for Tatangelo