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The Hollywood cinema school: made one movie (and soundtrack) made them all.
The 8 essential elements of the screenplay: they're always the same, no escape.
1) The hero. The hero can be chosen among 4 models: Rambo Cop, Predator Cop, Friendly Cop, and Cop Cop (the meanest). Stevie Wonder sings “Supersition ain’t the way, yeah! yeah!” a billion arrives, and the movie starts.
2) The trauma. Who knows why all heroes have trauma, more or less they’ve all been through some trouble. One had an alcoholic father who whipped him and then abused him, another's mother was kidnapped by aliens, another's grandfather was assaulted by the Russians. It never happens to them, always to the relatives: if I have a kid, I want him to be a thief. In our movie, the hero has trauma because he hates robots since, at an unspecified unlucky time, a guy throws him into the sea with a little girl, and when they are about to perish, the robot (once symbolized Russia, now I don’t know) tries to save him, and the hero cries, “take the girl! The girl!” but the communist manages to save only him, so the hero hurls insults at him and scorns him forever, him and all his kin. The music of “1001 robots” starts, then the violin of “Dead robot walking” and as they walk, they are hitting 2002 balls.
3) The funding. Our hero goes to visit grandma. “What shoes are those, son?” the old lady asks. “Come on, grandma! These are the Converse model S206!”. The old lady, a bit off-script, is left puzzled, maybe because she preferred the S203s or maybe a Rambo Cop. “Superstition ain’t the way oh no yeah!” and here comes the second billion.
4) The woman. The woman must always be beautiful and intelligent or attractive and sensitive, never seen an ugly duckling on television, seems like the ugly ones only exist in my bed.
5) The trauma-woman relationship. At first, the hero and the woman quite despise each other, but then, who knows why, the hero starts to tell the story of his trauma. A few flashbacks start like the little girl perishing or the robot getting insulted. A few tears fall, and the woman makes it clear she will sleep with him. “Very superstition, nothing more to say, yeah yeah” and then some hallucinatory violins start, “Man on the inside”.
6) The killer’s riddle. This is usually a labyrinth of wordplay, traps, clues, alphabet letters from Egyptian-Babylonian origins, double meanings that only our hero has the intuition to understand what the hell they mean. In our movie, someone died on the landlord's watch and the old man left a video message answering questions like on a quiz show, answering each time with “this is the wrong question” and you don’t understand why during the scripting they discarded the cop cop and his baton. Instead, the hero keeps asking useless unanswered questions and somehow figures out that the old man left a robot in his room because all the others are different and only the attractive and sensitive woman can help him and that other landlord wants to conquer the world with a poop-orange tie and another million things make it clear that the old man was killed by the robot he left in the room.
7) More funding. There’s always this old police chief who means well but if he could change the script he’d give you a good hard kick in the nuts, and this old guy has just finished arguing with the hero because the hero wants to be the hero and the old guy makes a face that you think: “now finally he’ll rape and kick the director” instead the old guy says “nice shoes”.
8) The otherworldly scene. In every movie, the hero does something that even the most hardened “truzzo-commercial-tamarro” can't help but harbor a reasonable doubt about. In our movie’s otherworldly scene, the hero takes a 240-meter flight trying to survive by creating friction with a pole – his hand was transplanted with iron after losing it while hurling curses at the robot (how it happened is unknown). Then when he lands safe and sound everyone dies and he's just got a little less iron and I as a good “truzzo-commercial-tamarro” pay 10 euros to nurture that doubt.
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