Tortoise
Millions Now Living Will Never Die

Ah-haaaa! Finally! They say music critics are failed strummers.

Well, it's true: do you think I'd be here listening and reviewing these psychomotor difficulties for DeBaser if I were able to command the music I listen to: "Get up and walk"?

But this magic box will allow me to create an album not of simple rock, but of new rock. It's the Magic Box of the "New DIY All-Inclusive Rock Just Add Naivete," and it's an American invention. "As seen on (M)TV under the name of Lambchop, Tortoise, Cul de sac, etc.," says the label.

Ingredients:
Eno: two kilos (it doesn't matter where you cut it, you have to grind it anyway). Canterbury School (Robert Wyatt, Kevin Ayers): two pages from the Little Red Book. Can: a can. Secret ingredient: Terry Riley. "Don't worry, repetition is now accepted by the public," the instructions say "And if you don't believe it, turn on the radio: a few minutes will convince you." But...what about the guitars? Rock is mainly guitars, right?
"With caution: the guitar is an instrument too sensitive to the regurgitation of already assumed elements. Too many, moreover, are using it creatively: Main (Robert Hampson), E.A.R., Labradford, even contemporary classics like Glenn Branca use this instrument. So, don't expose yourself too much. A marimba ((C) Jack White, 2005) might be more suitable for you."
All that's missing now is some tempo variation. And a dash of Mike Oldfield, which goes well with everything. A touch of Soft Machine here, a hint of Gong there, a voiceover to satisfy the environmentalists...

"Be idiosyncratic yet melodic: experimentation at any cost is so out of fashion..."
I continue to follow the instructions: "Keep calm and a slow pace throughout. The new rock has nothing to prove to anyone:
(1) not how hard you have it (so no Valkyrie rides: use the rhythm section for its chromatic value and not to propel the music, as you won't be going anywhere!),
(2) nor how authentic (hence avoid the singer: the social relevance of the lyrics belongs to the generations of Young and Springsteen), and
(3) not even how fragrant (in fact, the more artificial aromas you add, the more distortions and foreign noises you use, the newer your new rock will appear!).

If the old rock wore cowboy boots, the new rock wears slippers or at most a pair of diving fins, and has exchanged the gun for a camera. The revolution these days is made in slippers.
"In a versatile studio mix the ingredients with a bit of improvisation, relax, and let it rise." "Djed", the first track of the second Tortoise album attached here, is just one of the possible mutations. Following the guidelines we provide, you can't fail."

There is also the guarantee:
"If the resulting minimal interludes do not improve upon the already sufficient level you heard in "Million Now Living Will Never Die",
1) you have reversed the order of rock-dub-trip hop-techno, or
2) you are European and have been doing new rock for five years. Tana!"