Tim Burton
La Fabbrica Di Cioccolato

No, I haven't forgotten to put the stars. This film (from 2005) is truly (to quote Fantozzi's comment on "The Battleship Potemkin") an "unbelievable piece of crap".

With curiosity sparked by the original 1971 film, I was ready to view this remake.

This annoying mess was randomly done, without the slightest verve. It's unlikeable, the characters are barely developed, and all the human values, delightfully feel-good, of the old film, simply do not exist here. Naturally, the new screenplay focuses on the character Wonka suffering from parental issues, attempting to explain a never-requested reason.

Moreover, there is no reason to get attached to any child. In the original, they are quirky; in the remake, they are genuine little arrogant brats. All the expectation and curiosity, well-blended in the original, here is utterly absent. So much so that, in the new one, Wonka will want to reward the one who causes the fewest problems.

With arrogance, Tim Burton adds and removes characters from the original script and avoids substantial premises. He emphasizes certain themes (the sadness of Depp/Wonka's past) while ignoring others (child labor).

In the new version, it's not even conceivable why the factory visit is so coveted. The film doesn't allow you to imagine or understand it at all. Abominably simplified, its only possible merit is having a dark and paradoxical cinematography, like the shack where the family lives. The rest is an absurd mishmash of low yield.

The grandparents (a bit more annoying too) have no space (compensated by the appearance of an inept father), and the songs (with dances) by the various characters are omitted. Yes, because the first version was full of inconsistencies and absurdities, but it had the spirit of a fairy tale. Here, the winning, romantic, and engaging soundtrack's lynchpin is missing. The musical interventions are exclusively by the "Oompa Loompas," who have also been reinvented as annoying, singing jack-of-all-trades.

Here, the substance concerning the characters is missing. Even the locations are cold and less enchanting. There is a sense of forced effort in every move of any character. A syrupy, misaligned ending from both the original and modern storylines.

It's unnecessary to repeat that Depp markedly loses the comparison with Gene Wilder.

Perhaps the pretext was to make money with the visibility of a Hollywood star, never seen so pathetically scrambling.

Missing out on this absurd film is a wise move. The old one, while somewhat silly, has the charm of originality, an experimentation almost owing. The new one is presumptuous, useless, and arrogant. It's unclear how some lines remain identical while other aspects are completely twisted. Either you make a faithful remake, or you make a film with a different title, if the ideas are really there.

Pathetic. The original text (1964 book by Roald Dahl) is completely denatured with this dark, unfunny, and rather confused twist.