Tim Burton
Alice In Wonderland

It was the usual, anonymous, Tuesday evening in an Italian province: half-empty bars, deserted streets, people fossilized in front of the TV, and worse, an entire generation of young people trying to hook up on Facebook and the like, while I was rotting in my little room in desperate need of distraction, of escape. Then came the breakthrough: "Damn, Alice In Wonderland just came out! Let's rush to see it!".

So, in a flash, I found myself sitting in the trusty multiplex near home, enjoying the usual advertising trailers before the movie, namely, the "Alice In Wonderland" that has been so talked about, either because it's the latest work of the eclectic (but not too much) director Tim Burton, or because of the presence of the usual suspects Johnny Depp, Helena B. Carter, the beautiful Anne Hathaway, the star of "The Devil Wears Prada" (not the band, obviously...) and even the brilliant Alan Rickman as one of the voice actors, or because it was shot (in 3D) retracing both "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking-Glass", initiation works to mescaline by a certain Lewis Carroll.

What truly differentiates this film from the much-loved Disney adaptation is a slightly different plot (we're introduced to an adult and vaccinated Alice about to marry in a marriage of convenience who returns to her beloved "wonderland" for a salvation mission), and of course, its expensive production, worthy of a director with this name and stuffed with his personal taste for the grotesque: characters at the edge of the absurd, meticulously crafted settings, cutting-edge special effects, and with a couple of perfectly cast roles regarding the choice of actors. But unfortunately, if clothes don't make the man, all the millions spent on making this film won't save it, and after just an hour and forty minutes of screening (and 10 euros spent on the ticket!), I couldn't define the film with anything but these terms: gaudy, stupid, useless, bordering on the obscene, with a couple of scenes that I almost viewed as offensive to human intelligence (The Mad Hatter's so-called "futterwacken" dance is decidedly one of the worst sequences in cinematic history).

Furthermore, if the screenplay is barely handled and stands as the exaltation of clichés, especially in the scandalous finale, the direction shows no real innovation, the music remains anonymous from start to finish, and the actors settle for the bare minimum to slide into pure mediocrity concerning the principal roles, where Alice, in reality, Mia Wasikowska, definitely stands out, deserving a couple of Razzie Awards for her embarrassing performance. Is it too much for a director who has produced masterpieces like "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?

Maybe, but I still strongly advise anyone against watching this film, a poorly executed commercial operation in the name of the 3D trend (soon the revisit of "The Hole"... where will we end up? 3D porn movies?). Everyone knows, in life, anyone can make mistakes, even shoot two flops in a row like "Sweeney Todd" and this "Alice In Wonderland", but at least let's stop complaining if people prefer to watch a comedy streaming at home than go out to see films of this ugliness...