The Dils
I Hate The Rich

Once upon a time in Bracciano (and still today) there is an enchanted castle where strange creatures called nitwits - particularly of the "very important" variety - would gather from all over the globe to get married. The origin of this custom is lost in the mists of time: legend has it that it was introduced not by a nitwit, but by a variant of homo sapiens called "Martin Scorsese."

Science has now established that the nitwit is genetically incapable of possessing an autonomous personality and discernment, so they are often fascinated by rituals incomprehensible to them and subsequently driven by an invincible compulsion to reproduce them. This is evidenced by two of the most famous specimens, the exportable Italian "Eros Ramazzotti" and the transoceanic variety "Tom Cruise," who celebrated their union with female specimens in the ancient manor, while also attracting thousands of their kind to the pleasant location.

On Saturday, August 27, 2011, the privileged local residents of Bracciano had the fortune of witnessing such a natural wonder once more, thanks to the v.i.p. "Petra Ecclestone," a still little-known species, descendant of the old migratory line "Bernie," much better known for amusing themselves by running little cars around the world.

A salient and distinctive feature of the very important nitwit's nuptial ceremony is the exclusion of anyone who is not assimilable into the context, a form of apartheid that is absolutely up-to-date and politically correct. For this reason, it is impossible to ascertain what rituals the nitwits indulge in when gathered in council, sheltered from prying eyes: yet, well-founded fears and unsettling suspicions arise within the unsuspecting human population due to the loud nighttime explosions that always accompany such gatherings.

Luckily for us, the international scientific community has at least managed to confirm the purely recreational nature of the event, ensured by the inevitable presence of very important nitwits of the "heiress" and "singer" families. To confirm, numerous witnesses claim to have noticed the presence in Bracciano, just last August 27, of the specimens "Paris Hilton," "Fergie-Dei-Black-Eyed-Peas aka Se-La-Incontro-Per-Strada-Non-La-Riconosco-Mica," and "Eric Clapton" - the latter known to the news for a now-threadbare, forty-year masquerade as a human being, subspecies musician, of the blues genre, Zucchero tendency (from which Charles Darwin would have deduced that the nitwit is nothing but a degeneration of the salamander).

Can a moral be drawn from such edifying events?

Obviously, and it is explained in detail with illuminating details in the tireless work of two American sociologists, the brothers Chip and Tony Kinman, professors at the University Of California, Los Angeles.

Unfortunately, the enormity of the doctrinal contribution may deter engagement, so I alternatively recommend listening carefully to the concise and exemplary lectures to which the two experts dedicated themselves outside the restraining and formal academic world, traces of which are still imprinted on two curious mediums, titled, respectively, «I Hate The Rich b/w You're Not Blank» and «Class War b/w Mr. Big».

Once accustomed to the disturbing background noises, ten minutes are enough to see the light and understand that, due to a secular devolution:

1. very important nitwits are materially rich, truly, and unfortunately have the slightest idea of how to constructively allocate their riches, lacking spirit, thus ...
2. very important nitwits have not yet been able to devise a better way to spend time than to dissipate and vulgarly flaunt what they possess, so ...
3. very important nitwits should not be banished from the human community, but assisted in a gradual process of social reintegration (because one must hate the sin and love the sinner).

So, if you happen to encounter a v.i.p., avoid the usual reticence, remember they are harmless, and do not deny them your support: if none of you can claim to have abandoned your dog or kitten on the highway - I am sure of it - how could you remain insensitive to a call for help from a very important nitwit?

Then, having shed the guise of the Jacobin and donned the Pinhead's, I enlighten those who do not know that the Kinman brothers acted under the pseudonym Dils and were authors of a punk'n'roll of a very clear Clash lineage (they were widely considered the Californian response to the four Londoners), characterized by dry rhythms, built on breathtaking sequences of power-chords and muting, engaging choruses, and ultra-politicized lyrics.

They became part of my teenage life, when the illusion of changing the world seemed a reality within reach, and they struck me with the force of an early Mike Tyson; and if the Clash changed my life with an album, it only took them four songs to convince me that the path I had just taken was the right one, maybe going nowhere, but that's another story. And indeed, I haven't changed the world, only mine. They didn't change the world either, at most they changed their approach to music, recruiting another glorious veteran, Alejandro Escovedo, to go tell other stories a bit rock a bit country, under the banner of Rank And File ...

But all of this is decidedly secondary compared to their social commitment to reclaiming the very important nitwit to the civil community.

PS: And anyway, anyone who doesn't know the Dils is effectively a very important nitwit, surely unaware of it yet, but unfortunately, this is the sad reality.