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Rating: If Darwin were alive today and instead of wasting time studying Galapagos finches, he were an expert in rock music, he would undoubtedly have identified the missing link between hard and punk. And it wouldn't have been, as everyone might think, a strange family nucleus of four fake brothers with the same last name, no sir, but a tribe of five wild misfits living wildly, waking up at noon, sustaining themselves on hamburgers, playing an improbable sport like wrestling, having fun with B-movies, and chasing girls to hook up with them in a borrowed car. Not only that, they even had the audacity to feature that ugly mug Handsome Dick Manitoba on the cover in a pose like an improbable wrestler destined to fall to the first punch.
It's 1975 and under the production of Sandy Pearlman, the four chords of "Next Big Thing" unabashedly pick up the street rock of fellow New Yorkers, the New York Dolls, but there's something new in the air, the laid-back rhythm of a ballad like "I got you baby" anticipates certain Clash songs sung in Strummer's lazy voice. The opening of "Back to Africa lays down the coordinates for "melodic punk," and "Master Race Rock" with its typical punk anthem chorus makes it clear that English bands owe a lot to the most underrated band on the planet. Tracks like "I live for cars and girls" and "Weekend" show how the songwriting of bassist Andy Shernoff (also a fanzine editor) was far superior to the elementary work of bands that would become successful a few years later. And Ross "The Boss" Funichello's blazing solos are precious commodities in an era that would do away with guitar heroes. Not to mention the roadie, cook, wrestler, Handsome Dick Manitoba, a wild card causing chaos with his presentation screams of an absolute anthem like "Two Tube Man" that you won't be able to get out of your head. Listen to the version of "California Sun" that ends with the liberating shout chachacha!!!... and be honest in admitting that it surpasses any other including that of the Ramone brothers that would come a couple of years later.
And why did the Dictators never break through? Mysteries of rock, these idiots with their fool attitude created more confused people than convinced about the new course music should take. The frequent lineup changes eventually led to the band's disbandment, Mark Mendoza left with the Twisted Sister, the other guitarist Scott Kempner formed the excellent Del Lords, while Ross "The Boss" even put together the ridiculously over-the-top Manowar.
What remains in our hands is one of the most overlooked records in the entire musical history contained in any damn book. Luckily we have our ears.
Tracklist Lyrics and Videos
01 The Next Big Thing (04:22)
I used to shiver in the wings
But then I was young
I used to shiver in the wings
Till I found my own tongue
I sock 'em everywhere that I sing
Cause you know baby
I'm the Next Big Thing
I knocked 'em dead in Dallas
And I didn't pay my dues
Yeah, I knocked 'em dead in Dallas
They didn't know we were Jews
I sock 'em everywhere that I sing
Cause you know baby
I'm the Next Big Thing
I'm a fuel injected legend
I don't wanna be a bore
I just wanna live a rich life
And I wanna die poor
But I won't be happy
Till I'm known far and wide
With my face on the cover
of the TV guide
I sock 'em everywhere that I sing
Cause you know baby
I'm the Next Big Thing
04 Master Race Rock (04:14)
Hippies are squares with long hair And they don't wear no underwear Country Rock is on the wane I don't want music, I want pain! Dictators can swing Make you dance and sing Cause an oil spill You don't know us, but you will! We're the members of the master race Got no style, and we got no grace Sleep all night, sleep all day Nothing good on t.v. anyway Gasoline shortage won't stop me now, Oh no! We've reached a higher spiritual plane That is so high, I can't explain We tell jokes to make you laugh We play sports so we don't get fat We can sweat and stink We can eat and drink Don't do what we're told And we're scared of growing old! We're the members of the master race We don't judge you by your face First we check to see what you eat Then we bend down and smell your feet Hope you don't pick your nose! My favorite part of growing up Is when I'm sick and throwing up It's the dues you've got to pay For eating burgers every day Take my vitamin C No one's good for me Life can take it's toll When you're living ROCK N' ROLL!!! We're the members of the master race Got no tact, and we got no taste First you put your sneakers on Going outside to have some fun Dont forget to wipe your ass! C'mon guys! LETS GO! x13
06 California Sun (03:03)
Well, I'm going out west where I belong
Where the days are short and the nights are long
And I walk (and I walk) and I'd run (and I'd run)
And I'd fly (and I'd fly) and I'd boogaloo (and I'd boogaloo)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
Well, I'm going out west out on the coast
Ah yeah, the Santa Rosa chicks, man, they're really the most
And I'd jerk (and I'd jerk) and I'd monkey (and I'd monkey)
And I'd groove (and I'd groove) and I'd boogaloo-ooo-ooo (and I'd boogaloo)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
(instrumental break)
And I'd shake (and I'd shake) and I'd skate (and I'd skate)
And I'd shake (and I'd shake) and I'd boogaloo (and I'd boogaloo)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
Well, the girls are frisky in old 'frisco
Yeah, a pretty little chick, now, wherever I go
And I'd mouse (and I'd mouse) and I'd robot (and I'd robot)
And I'd twist (and I'd twist) and I'd shistaboobah (and I'd WHAT?)
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
Where they're out there having fun in the warm california sun
07 Two Tub Man (04:08)
Two Tub Man
I am a pilgrim looking for danger
I am an outlaw, I am a stranger
I'm just a clown walking down the street
I think Lou Reed is a creep
I need a girl I need release
I can go anywhere, people look and people stare
They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become
What I want to do I do, who I want to screw I screw
Playin in a heavy band, guess I'm just a Two Tub Man
I drink Coca cola for breakfast
I've got Jackie Onassis in my pants
I'm never gonna watch channel 13
Edjumacation ain't for me
I'm so drunk I can barely see
I can go anywhere, people look and people stare
They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become
What I want to do I do, who I want to screw I screw
Playin in a heavy band, guess I'm just a Two Tub Man
I never graduated from high school
I wore paisley I was too cool
I think color TV's a gas
I think Joe Franklin is real flash
I don't mind if I gotta kick your ass
I can go anywhere, people look and people stare
They all know that I'm the one, not to let your son become
What I want to do I do, who I want to screw I screw
Playin in a heavy band, guess I'm just a Two Tub Man
08 Weekend (04:01)
Oh Weekend
Benny took downs in class
The principal found his stash
His mother's gonna get his ass
Oh Weekend
In his room he'll stay
Dreamin when he's king he'll say
Everyday is Saturday��
Set me free
I might know better when I'm older
But until then
Just give me a sopor for the weekend
Oh Weekend
Bobby is a local punk
Cuttin school and getting drunk
Eating at Mcdonald's for lunch
Oh Weekend
Soon he threw up in the store
But if he does it anymore
I'll make him eat it off the floor
Set me free
I might know better when I'm older
But until then
Just give me a sopor for the weekend
Oh Weekend
Time to go a bit insane
Beatin up the kids from Spain
I'm tired of this social change
Oh Weekend
Flashing rock and roll guitars
Cruising in my daddy's car
I'll do my homework in the bar
Set me free
I might know better when I'm older
But until then
Just give me a sopor for the weekend
09 (I Live for) Cars and Girls (03:55)
Well I'm the type of guy who's into getting high on a Friday afternoon
So now you know I'm a regular Joe and I'll tell you what I like to do
I like to make the scene
In my machine
I like to make the scene
I leave 'em in another state
Whenever I accelerate
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
There's nothing else in this crazy world
Except for cars and girls
I got a lot of good sittin under my hood but it doesn't make me feel alright
The only time I'm feelin fine is when my baby's sittin tight
I like to get it down
I like to feel the sound
I like to get it down
I leave 'em in another state
Whenever I accelerate
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
There's nothing else in this crazy world
Baby you and me will go
A cruisin everywhere we know
We'll take a trip out to the west
Cause the coast's the most
'cause the surfin's best
The fastest car and a movie star are my only goals in life
It's the hippest scene, the American dream and for that I'll always fight
I like to get it down
I like to feel the sound
I like to get it down
I wanna drive the fastest car
I wanna drive the fastest car
I wanna drive the fastest car
Cars, girls, surfin beer
Nothin else matter here
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
I live for Cars and girls, cars and girls
I live for Car, cars and girls
There's nothing else in this goddamn world
Except for cars and girls
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