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Rating: "The year is 2005, and the absence of significant rock-based music of exceptional quality has resulted in the unthinkable: Hell is frozen over..."
...but fortunately, The Darkness arrived to reignite the flame of rock: the slightly tacky rock but damn fun, the rock with all guitars, glitter, and falsettos, the rock of AC/DC mixed with 70s influences, Elton John, and especially Queen. This is what the band led by the legendary Justin Timb... oooops, sorry, Justin Hawkins offers us in their second album: an album that, lacking the overwhelming hard rock impulse of the previous "Permission To Land", veers towards more melodic and colorful sounds thanks to the use of orchestral arrangements where the hand of Roy Thomas Baker, the legendary producer of Queen's best records, those from 1973 to 1978, can be felt.
The album begins with the song that introduced me to (and made me love) this extraordinary band: "One Way Ticket": a formidable and overwhelming ride, classic yet simultaneously different and unconventional: the pinnacle of the more rock side of the album, which also boasts gems like the passionate and dark "Bald", excellently inheriting the heavy legacy of "Love On The Rocks With No Ice" and the catchy "Knockers" and "Dinner Lady Arms", allowing Justin to showcase his lethal falsetto, while "Is It Just Me?" picks up the sounds of the debut album, but ends up a bit lackluster and deflated. Of course, it can't lack the classic lighter-waving ballad, namely "Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time", ennobled by a beautiful arpeggio and an excellent vocal performance by Justin Hawkins. Special mention for "Girlfriend" and especially "Hazel Eyes", which ooze genius and gaudiness from every note, the former with its stunning arrangements and gospel-like choirs, the latter with its incomparable Chinese-inspired atmosphere, amusing and entertaining beyond any allowable level. Just to finish beautifully, our lads place two songs at the end of the album like "English Country Garden", a grand example of fresh, fun, and whacky pop and the orchestral ballad "Blind Man", very Queen-like with its choirs and counterpoints that seem to come straight out of Alice's Wonderland, and the one, true, and original Justin who delights us with his fairy-like voice.
Love it or hate it, "One Way Ticket To Hell..." is something epochal, a bizarre colorful picture, the ultimate antidepressant, an album that, with its short duration, never bores even by mistake, to be purchased regardless simply because albums like this are good for your health, period.
Tracklist Lyrics Samples and Videos
01 One Way Ticket (04:26)
*snorting*
It was a dusty old night
and I'm the first to admit it
I'm sure I upset someone
But my memory has chosen to omit it
A tiny voice was telling me
I should cool it
Chewing my face off
Talking absolute rubbish
The first line hit me like a kick in the face
Thought I better have another one, just in case
Next thing I knew my heart was under attack
Bought a one way ticket to hell....
And Back!
One way ticket to hell and back
Bought a one way ticket to hell and back
One way ticket to hell and back
Bought a one way ticket to hell and back
I've always tried to keep my vices under wraps
But a coach load of mutes would appear talkative chaps
They seemed fit to join me for a couple of hits
But now my septum is in tatters
And I've still got the runs
It burned for a moment then it kicked like a mule
The strangers all agreed that it was rocket fuel
Several lines are chocking like a glorious game
Bought a one way ticket to hell...
And back!
One way ticket to hell and back
Bought a one way ticket to hell and back
One way ticket to hell and back
Bought a one way ticket to hell and back
[Sitar/effects]
Stick it up your fucking nose! Woohoo!
[Solo]
Holy coke, repeating myself, except I'm getting slightly louder
Pausing just long enough to snort that white powder
Wheels came off but I'm still on track
Bought a one way ticket to hell
And back!
One way ticket to hell and back(yeah)
Bought a one way ticket to hell and back(ooh yeah)
One way ticket to hell and back,
Bought a one way ticket to hell (oooh yeaah)
One way ticket to hell and back(woo!)
Bought a one way ticket to hell and back
One way ticket to hell and back,
Bought a one way ticket to hell...
02 Knockers (02:43)
Oh lord, I'm so bored
Living on my own
You're devilish and dirty
They say your pushing thirty
Well pushing thirty stone
Oh Christ, I'm enticed
I want you in my sack
Your potty mouth is pushy
You're anything but classy
I've just got to get you back
It's been a while,
Since I've seen that smile
Is the old magic still there?
[CHORUS]
I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
Oh!
Oh crumbs, I'm all thumbs
Lying here with you
You're beautiful and busty
But I'm a little rusty
I've forgotten what to do
It's been a while
Since I made you smile
Is the old magic still there?
[CHORUS]
I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
I just love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
Oh yeah!
[PIANO & GUITAR SOLOS]
I love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
I really love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
I love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
I really love what you've done with your hair...oh yeah!
04 Dinner Lady Arms (03:16)
We had a good thing, it was a blast
That was a long time in the past
You went through changes & I walked away
And I have regretted that to this day
I may not always have quite so much hair
But what you saw in me will hopefully always be there
I'll never hurt you again, I swear.
Chorus
So put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms
Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms
I couldn't figure out where your figure'd gone
I thought that I could live without you, baby I was so wrong
Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms dinner lady arms
Forgive and forget I caused you some pain
And find it in your heart to start again
Now I may not ever be your Mister Right
But I'm happy to be your mister that will do for tonight
I'll never let you out of my sight
So put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms
Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms
I couldn't figure out where your figure'd gone
I thought that I could live without you, baby I was so wrong
Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms
Solo
I may be light-years past on my sell-by date
But there's life in the old dog yet, honey, it's not too late
Put your arrrrrms around me, your dinner lady arms
06 Hazel Eyes (03:25)
I hail from the flatlands of East Anglia
A town that once could boast prosperity
She had trekked for many moons from a land afar
But the cruel nets had emptied the northen sea
And she said "hoots, I cannae get back tae
me hoos in bonny Scotland"
Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah!
Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah!
The elements had taken their toll on her
Her face was weather beaten and her hair greasy
I had never seen a set of eyes more hazelerer
And a tear did fall as she looked up at me
And she said "hoots, I cannae get back tae
me hoos in bonny Scotland"
Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah!
Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah!
I shall travel with thee
For to see your folks in Scotland
With their blessing, on one knee
I shall ask for your left hand
Girl with the hazel eyes - Aaaaah! [x4]
I shall travel with thee
For to see your folks in Scotland
With their blessing, on one knee
I shall ask for your left hand
07 Bald (05:31)
It would appear that male pattern
baldness has set in
his hair, at an alarming pace
running away from his face
he's losing his virility
and now his masculinity
has been compromised
and his libido down-sized
Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand
Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.
From what I have been reading
his scalp needs kneading
to stimulate each follicle
and reverse this diabolical
condition that's afflicted he
for years and has cruelly
repulsed each potential mate
and left him with a balding pate
Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand
Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.
Sock it to me baby, yeah!
Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand
Not for me, not for me, not for me, uh-uh
not for me, not for me, heaven forbid
it's not for me you understand
Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.
Thank God!
Bald, slap headed and hairless
bald he is destined to be
bald, well tonight thank God it's him instead of me.
How?
08 Girlfriend (02:33)
Girl, I know I've got a funny way
Of showing it
Yes, I thought our love was here to stay
and blowing it
Was never on my agenda
She meant nothing to me, I meant nothing to her
And now i realise it's over
I've just got to tell yer
Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much
Girl I know I ripped your heart right out
so why pretend
that there is even a shadow of doubt
that it's the end
Why the hell are we breaking our necks
Where there's absolutely no affection, hardly any sex
To simplify something that extremely complex
You were my girlfriend, now you're my ex...
Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much
Listen to my synthesizer
Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much
Girlfriend, I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much
I love you, I love you, I love you so much so much
09 English Country Garden (03:06)
Well we sat on the bank and I was pissed
When I saw him pushing to play with your garden
She said have you got a match? and I said yes!
Listen, Fuck off! gonna call the cops, we're not married
fly on the heels on fields of wheat
Felt the heat, would you like me?
I carved "You for me" in the bark of a tree in an English Country Garden
Larked around, pissing on the ground in an English Country Garden
We both took a chance as you sank into my arms in an English Country Garden
Beneath the stars above we fell in love in a English Country Garden
Jardin Jardin Jardin Jardin!
Took the quiz at the village fete, we came last
Everybody laughed at the two of us
Never seen a biro pen, move so fast
She was a bonefide fucking genius
You're the one that always feels for me
On the trampoline, you tumbled into me
when they all found out, we were rocking out in an English Country Garden
You ruled the roost and gave my heart a boost in an English Country Garden
Took me under your wing when we had our fling in an English Country Garden!
I felt fruity and you got booty in an English Country Garden'
[SOLO and lengthy "KeyTar" medley section]
'Pulling all the stops I was in the crops in an English Country Garden
A ground force ringer, you were bored and single in an English Country Garden
Seeds we scattered, never really mattered in a English Country Garden
We had a day of fun where it all goes on in a English Country Garden.
Jardin Jardin Jardin Jardin whoo!
10 Blind Man (03:25)
Tell me why the blind man cries
Oh, he sheds a tear because he just can't hear the children singing
How he used to fantasize
Of standing next to some children who are doing singing
Ah!
Amd the shoulders get colder and colder
And his tears
And his tears fall on deaf ears
Ooh!
Falling apart
At the seams and no-one seems to care
You can't cry forever
Eileen wouldn't want you to, I swear
Now he's just an empty shell
Oh, since Eileen died the other side seems so appealing
Compared to this living hell
Oh, she haunts his sleep, his wounds too deep for any healing
Ah!
With his arteries starting to harden
She is gone
She is gone and it's all wrong
Falling apart
At the seams and no-one seems to care
You can't cry forever
Eileen would want you to, I swear
So there.
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Other reviews
By Torre Ste
The Darkness is ready to take both paths simultaneously with an album titled 'One Way Ticket To Hell… And Back' improving their sound by adding strings and removing some of the excess guitars.
The closing track 'Blind Man' with its magnificent vocals and strings is the best song on the album, hinting at a third album worthy of applause.
By Adil
"The production... has polished the 'tacky' sound of the Darkness more than necessary, thus stripping strength from songs that are formally impeccable but lack soul."
"The first single released 'One Way Ticket' is unconvincing, while the subsequent 'Knockers' and 'Is It Just Me?' are merely faded replicas of what was already heard."
By Spike Joe
The Darkness however seem to have missed the mark with their new album, truly flat, with few ideas and a decidedly more "soft" sound.
It takes willpower and one must keep in check the thirst for money to escape this vicious circle.
By Filippo Guzzardi
If rock’n’roll is musically dead, it is not in spirit, in its evocative power: and it never will be!
The Darkness do not obscure their sources; instead, they blatantly display them: early AC/DC and Queen above all.
