The Angelic Process
Solipsistic

My cold hands were torn from the damp earth, where they rested tiredly, and now here they are, once again immersed in the black soil, the snow-white fingers seemingly devoured by the dark grains. I can see them with these amber eyes, now veiled by tears I thought I could no longer shed, after the rebirth.
"They call me 'Demon,'" they call me, "Caliban" and "John Clare" are other names I have chosen for myself or others have chosen for me... In reality, I no longer know who I am, lost in the limbo of non-life and non-death. "Demon" is also the name I have assigned to my Creator, who made me reborn only to abandon me like a dog in the rain: hurting, mistreated, confused, scared. I screamed, I shouted, I did what you would call crying, even though at the time tears did not exist in my eyes. In the end, I surrendered to anger and loneliness, and my days of captivity were lightened by poetry, books upon books that were abandoned in my prison along with me. Yes, captivity, because my Creator was such a coward that he no longer wanted to know me, perhaps frightened by my appearance or by the terror reflected in my eyes.
I fled but I vowed to seek him, find him, and make him suffer as much as I did. And when I finally found him, my anger was joined by the need for warmth, the necessity of having a kindred spirit beside me who would share and embrace my soul. I asked this of the Creator, but the result was far more abject than me. I sought it among the suffering and seemingly sick people, only to discover that theirs was just a mask for a much more cynical soul than mine.
I found it, and embraced it for a moment! I found it in my family who believed me gone, and oh, how wonderful it was to savor that warmth once more... But then again, death and madness intruded into my quasi-life, and I lost everything once more.
But throughout this journey, I met a person, a woman, a being incomprehensible to most and gifted with a blinding inner light, though often eclipsed by a demon seeking to overshadow her. Yes, I speak of demons again, in the end, we all must fight or come to terms with the devils that dwell within our souls. This woman taught me that my demon was far more human and alive than many other supposed men I encountered on my path, and I am grateful to her.
On her grave, on this black earth covering her remains, I shed tears as cold as the marble of her tombstone, and I feel alone again as when I was reborn. Only that at the time I did not know what was happening, but now I do, and Wordsworth's words echo in my mind, immortal as his ode:

"There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight
To me did seem
Apparelled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;—
Turn wheresoe’er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.
...
But there’s a tree, of many, one,
A single field which I have looked upon,
Both of them speak of something that is gone:
The pansy at my feet
Doth the same tale repeat:
Whither is fled the visionary gleam?
Where is it now, the glory and the dream?"

A rather peculiar nature has this "Solipstic" titled album by the duo The Angelic Process. It's as if they have partially stripped away their drone and shoegaze, baring their nerves and most intimate soul. It is a work never officially released by the band, and made available only to some labels as a promo for a possible release.
Chronologically, it follows "Coma Wearing," from which it borrows nearly "cosmic" pulsations, a sort of frightening and unstable trip, a journey into many of the darkest aspects of everyone's life. However, along with the pounding rhythms and usual guitar blasts, there are also reflective moments stripped of the usual dark and fierce surroundings that nonetheless serve as the foundation for their sonic proposition. Similar experiments appeared in "..And Your Blood Is Full of Honey," from two years earlier, and which after this work will be definitively abandoned in favor of a more cohesive and structured form of music.
The album is retrievable online or in a recent vinyl reissue comprising the entire discography of The Angelic Process: for those who love the band and want to follow their creative process step by step, it is an essential release; for everyone else, a record different from their productions, and fascinating partly because of its dissonance from what came before and what will come after.