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"...I kill myself every time again, but I am immortal, and I rise again; in a vision of Doom.."
We all live on the same planet, yet at the same time we dwell in different worlds...
Sopor Aeternus, better known as Anna-Varney Cantodea, has always lived in a world of his own. A prisoner of himself and his body, he spent his adolescence in utter solitude, spending entire days in darkness, eventually risking blindness. His deep depression made him feel weak, sick, and reluctant to talk to anyone. The only source of joy was sleep, though he was tortured by violent nightmares.
All this torment lasted until Sopor Aeternus subconsciously decided to dedicate himself to music. His mind was filled with beautiful melodies that he couldn't get out of his head. According to Sopor Aeternus, these melodies were suggested to him by spirits, which he refers to as the "Ensemble Of Shadows" (L'ensemble delle ombre). This happened while he was trying to suppress his pain by sleeping, but these "beings" wouldn't leave him in peace until he got up to write down notes on paper. Thus, music for Sopor Aeternus became a sort of personal therapy, something symbolic, a simple means of communication with the outside world.
The lyrics of Sopor Aeternus mainly address themes such as loneliness, death, suicide, and suffering. But what do death and suicide represent for Anna-Varney?
According to Anna-Varney, death means returning one's soul to where it truly belongs, that is, to our real home. Regarding suicide, Sopor Aeternus considers it a true sin, an eternal damnation for the souls that commit it. He himself was saved more than once by certain spirits when he was very close to voluntary death. However, Sopor Aeternus invites us to live every second of our lives in the grace of God, referring to the deity that resides within us and throughout the universe.
In 1994, Anna-Varney released his first studio album titled "... Ich tote Jedesmal mich aufs Neue, doch Unsterblich bin ich, und ich auf wieder erstehe; in einer Vision des Untergangs..." (abbreviated as: ...Ich töte mich...).
"...Ich töte mich..." is a cryptic album with baroque and medieval atmospheres. The first two tracks are instrumental, with the first piece "Travel on Breath (the Breath of the World)" conveying a great sense of anxiety and confusion. It almost feels like a labored breath echoing in the air. The next instrumental track, "Falling into different Flesh", follows a typically medieval music style. Other noteworthy tracks include "Birth - Fiendish Figuration", a captivating folk-style piece, and "Do You Know My Name", revisited and remixed ten years later in the EP "Flowers in Formaldehyde" released in 2004.
Overall, the album is much darker than melancholic. In fact, the only songs with a sweeter and more nostalgic melody are "Time stands still..." and "Im Garten des Nichts (a secret Light in the Garden of my Void)".
A little curiosity about the artwork: the image you see on the cover was photographed in the church of Santa Maria della Concezione dei Cappuccini in Rome (see the ossuary of the Capuchin Crypt). Obviously, the photo on the album cover has been modified. Here you can see the original photo of the previous image. The choice to decorate the crypt with bones is a way to exorcise death, as the body is merely intended to hold the soul; once it is no longer needed, the container of the soul (in this case, the body) can be reused in other ways.
Returning to the album "...Ich töte mich..." remains an excellent debut album, characterized by enigmatic and intensely personal lyrics. An album born from the inspiration Varney had during all those years of solitude and isolation. Over the years, the music of Sopor Aeternus has changed several times, leaving behind the baroque and medieval sounds to embrace a more classical sound. Just compare this artist's early albums with the more recent works to notice a certain musical difference, but the beauty and allure of this music are something that never dies.
"...may the shadows guide your path..."
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